Sunday, October 29, 2006

What ever happened to Miss Independent?

I know I lose points for quoting Christina Aguilera/Kelly Clarkson, but I used to kinda sing along to this song when I was single...and I find myself really singing along to it now that I'm in a relationship.

Miss Independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere (no)
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little Miss Apprehensive
I said ooh, she fell in love

What is this feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise! It's time
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent
No longer need to be defensive
Goodbye (goodbye), old you,
when love is true.

Miss guarded heart
Miss play it smart
Miss if you wanna use that line you better not start
But she miscalculated
She didn't want to end up jaded
And this miss decided not to miss out on true love
So, by changing her misconceptions
She went in a new direction
And found inside she felt a connection
She fell in love.

What is this feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise! It's time (yeah)
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No longer need to be defensive
Goodbye (goodbye), on you (oh you)
When love, when love is true

When Miss Independent walked away
No time for love that came her way
She looked in the mirror and thought today
What happened to Miss No Longer Afraid?
It took some time for her to see
How beautiful love could truly be
No more talk of why can't that be me
I'm so glad I finally see...

What is this feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise (surprise), it's time (yeah)
To feel (to feel) what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No longer need to be defensive
Goodbye (goodbye), on you
When love, when love is true....

Uh, yeah. Is it sad that I can relate to this song?

My independence is who I am. I am known as a fiercely independent person. I would travel ALONE to countries for months, backpacking around, not speaking the language and be so proud of myself. I used to go to movie theatres alone and eat out alone and do everything alone. People would pat me on the back and say "Wow, you are a brave girl. So independent."

My independence is part of my indentity. It's who I am. I don't want to lose it. Which is why this song, as pop cheesey as it is, touches a nerve.

Does being in a relationship, being in love, mean a compromise of your independence? Suddenly, instead of being able to jet off by yourself to a country for months, you think, I can't do that. I'll miss him/her. When you could do whatever you wanted without missing someone or feeling like you would be happier with that someone?

Is this all just a part of being in a relationship? Is this just what comes from being in love? Or is there some secret way around it, that leaves both you and your heart intact...


Anonymous said...

It's only natural to feel this way. I do. Or, actually, I did. But I've embraced it because when you love someone, you do lose a part of yourself. But hopefully you gain something worth even more.

There is a way around it but it involves one of two drastic steps: You can either break it off and go on your own again.


You can step back from the situation. Regain control. Spend less time together. Go on a trip alone. Remove your heart from the relationship. You won't be as in love, which will make things easier for you.

The drawbacks to both of these steps is the fact that it's your heart that you are compromising and not your independence. Which one is more expendable?

Indiana said...

I think Anon said it the best, is your heart more important to you or your independence...and surely the right relationship doesn't mean you lose your freedom, instead you just chose to share it with someone.

Wanderlusting said...

Hmmm, good points!

But my freedom is not being compromised in that sense. I mean, with my bf, I am free to do whatever I want, go wherever I want's just that now I don't feel the need to do whatever I want.

That's what bothers me. Maybe it shouldn't.

Zexy M said...

There is a reason they call it:

"Falling In Love"

'Cause that's what it is. You fall and eventually land with a thud. Sometimes not. Either way, you are helpless. Like they said, just embrace it. It happens. It's natural. You can have as much freedom as you want but your heart is the one that you answer to.

Goodness, that last line was cheesy!

John said...

As much as I think your choice of song is relatable, this one works as well:

I know a man
He came from my home town
He wore his passion for his woman
Like a thorny crown
He said delores
I live in fear
My love for yous so overpowering
Im afraid that I will disappear

Slip slidin away
Slip slidin away
You know the nearer your destination
The more youre slip slidin away

Matt H said...

You can't consider your independence independently of all the other things that make up a relationship. While it might sometimes seem like a sacrifice, the benefits ought to make it worthwhile.

I think people sometimes overrate being single and underrate being in a serious relationship; don't fall into that trap because you're getting bitten by the travel bug again. There are ways to have your cake and eat it too.

Janellerific said...

Oh to have someone take away some of my paying my mortgage or buying me some new clothes!!

I think not feeling the need to run off doing whatever you want is a sign of growing up, as much as that sucks. I hate growing up most of the time.

I find that reading your blog allows me to see a more glamour-filled and exciting side of life that I just don't get around here. Around here I bake cookies and watch the cats run all over the house like crazy wee monsters.

katy keene said...

Yup it's called being in love.

Suddenly, seeing a movie with your gal pals doesn't seem as inticing as staying in with your guy.

Like everyone says, it's what happens. Of course you still go see the movie with your gal pals cause it's good for you to do so. But it's not the same as when you were single.

I'm not sure guys go through the same thing though. But us women, sure do. How many times have you seen your friends go from "fuck men" attitudes, to wanting to spend all their time with them? Again, it's love.

But don't worry. It will wear off. Not completely, but enough, as time goes by.

CarrieBradshaw said...

Your independances changes it doesn't have to go anywhere.

"it's just that now I don't feel the need to do whatever I want"

that is awesome it shows you are independent enough to compromise, you just can't lose yourself in that compromise

Kass said...

Whatever happened to updating your blog on a regular basis? Thats the REAL question *scratches chin thoughtfully* lol.