Friday, October 13, 2006

Once Faithful, Always Faithful(?)

Yay! It's Friday and you know what that means...well, nothing really...except it's Friday the 13th (spoooky). And it also means that most of us don't have to work tomorrow, therefore we should be in a good, nay, GREAT mood.

Also thought I would try and ruin this mood by posting about something a bit, er, heavy. Whoo-hooo!

It's about Cheating. Dun, dun, dun.

I find it funny how in this day and age, being faithful to your loved one is considered a virtue and not something we really should be taking for granted.

I've heard this from a lot of women, "Yeah, we have our problems. At least he wouldn't cheat on me." Meaning, they stick with a guy who A) a liar B) or jerk C) a weasel or, heaven forbid, D) verbally or physically abusive. And all because they think he wouldn't cheat on them.

Since when did "not-cheating" become something that people should be praised for? Shouldn't this be inherit, isn't it common sense and courtesy, not to cheat? When did it become something of a unicorn?

That's one thing (I have a bunch of things). The other thing is, when it comes to the adage "Once a cheater, always a cheater," does this hold any truth?

I was cheated on (many times) by a guy who had cheated on every girl he had before me. Should I have seen it coming? Yes. Did I? Yes. Why did I stay with him then? Cuz I'm an idiot. I should also mention that I never had proof of his cheating until after we broke up and we were both 16 at the time. So, because he cheated on me and everyone else, does that mean his next girlfriend should have been concerned (I would be, but that's for other reasons)? Do we have any right to base someone's present on their past? As I have gone through the humiliation and heartbreak of being cheated on, this may make me more inclined to distrust a man who has cheated on someone in the past. Then again, maybe I would have to take in certain factors, such as, why did he do it? How many times did he do it? What was the relationship scenario? But even if they have all these "legitimate" excuses to their actions, does that ever make it right?

Another thing (I told you there were lots of things) is the differences between men and women when it comes to cheating.

I think most women's biggest fears are that their men will cheat. When it comes to men, I'm not sure if that fear registers or not. So, if you are a guy, is it something that you worry about? And if it isn't, why? Is it because by nature, women are naturally more loyal than men, whereas men are polygamous bastards who need to plant their seed everywhere? Or is this just a stereotype that we are taught to believe (I would hope so). Are men just as concerned as women about being cheated on? Or are they naive enough that they don't worry about that sort of thing?

The last thing I want to discuss, is that is there anything you can do to prevent someone from cheating on you? You know the saying "she drove me to do it." Can you really excuse that behaviour on something that the other person did? And is there a way to prevent cheating from happening in the first place?

I know ONE of the reasons why my ex-bf cheated on me was because I didn't put out enough. Keep in mind, I was 16 and if you were in my shoes, you wouldn't wanna put out all that much either. But, it does make me think. If I did have sex with him everytime he wanted, would that have prevented him from cheating? While I'm at it, if I gave him more space, lost more weight and became a doormat, would that have prevented it too? It's tough to say, but I do know that a lot of women do an awful lot of preventitive measures to try and prevent their man from straying...but in the end, I guess it's really a matter of fate. Try all you might, but if a guy (or girl) is going to cheat, he's (she's) going to cheat. Or is that all baloney?

Keep in mind, of course, that these are theoretical questions, and if you are in a loving relationship, your trust in that person is what really should stop you from worrying about being cheated on. Still, it feels sometimes like it's a very basic, primal fear.


KK said...

You blocked me on msn didn't you? I know you're online.. I can see you...

Wanderlusting said...

HA - no, I'm not allowed to be on msn at this work. Well, I am. Every one else is. But I'm too much of a slacker anyway, that if I were to go on msn, nothing would get done. Not that it does anyway. Still, it's either msn or blogs.

I pick my poison.

Mr 5.25 said...

I understand what you are saying, but look at it this way. You can't really expect someone to eat the same peanut butter and jelly sandwich EVERY day for the rest of their life?

A little variety makes the peanut butter and jelly sandwich taste better next time.

Wanderlusting said...

I happen to like Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches.

Anonymous said...

I was reading this post and thinking to myself 'maybe women are just much more paranoid about men when they shouldn't be'
Then I read a post by your 'typical male' such as Mr.525 and think, 'gee, I guess we have reason to be paranoid after all.'

Wombat & Aspen said...

Cheating's fucked, and cheaters blow.

Women and men justify themselves with all kinds of tosh:

PB & J tosh.

Need my space tosh.

It's just this once tosh.

He/She doesn't give me what I want tosh.

Be an adult, end the relationship that's not working, then go fuck yourself stupid.

Or use your brain and figure out what's wrong with the relationship you're in, and keep your trousers buttoned, or skirt on in the meantime.

*tired of the self-serving justifications for poor behaviour*

Kass said...

I think it depends on the person and cheating. But its horrible either way.

Wanderlusting said...

Wombat ~ nicely said. Nice to see a man so adamant about the poor excuses of cheaters.

Kass ~ I agree. Cheating is horrible. People are horrible. I like the way you think.

Kass said...

Lets become goat herding hermits, or sail away to a deserted island and wait for a plane to crash and live them strange clues around the island, freaking them out? We could feast on coconuts and crabs (oceany ones lol).

Kass said...

leave not live damnit!

Shrimp on the Barbie said...

In MHO, I think that women can be JUST AS BAD as men when it comes to cheating. I've been cheated on!what aussie hasn't! and I have cheated as well. I think you kind of have to cheat in this world. Its sad yes, but a lot of women who dont just look like FOOLS in the end. Dutch Door Action. Its sad that it has to cum to dat.

M said...

There is only one type of person I can stand hearing about cheating and that's the person that cheats on their partner and ends up marrying the person they cheat with and having a million babies and never getting divorced. Oh, what's that? myth? Yeah, I hate cheaters too.

The way I see it is that not everyone is destined to be together forever. That's okay, but cheating is not the answer. I can't tell you how much I dislike it when people make excuses for their cheating like 'my gf wasn't giving me enough sex' or 'I love her, I was just bored and just needed to try something new, now I'm back on track'. This kind of rationalisation is bogus. It's so disrespectful.

You're right, not cheating shouldn't be something that people should congratulate eachother on. It should be a given in any adult relationship.

IMO cheating is never about the situation - it's about the cheater themselves, which is why you often find that cheaters have done it before..many, many times.

sipwine said...

It's weird.
Part of me agrees with the line "you drove me to cheat."
I behaved a certain way in the beginning of my life which almost unfailing had every man I dated cheat on me.
A horrible thing happened to me, I changed a lot, and now I've not dated a guy who's cheated on me since.
I'd like to say "No" on that one, but now I think "Maybe."

Wanderlusting said...

Sipwine ~ beggining of your life or beggining of your dating life? Cuz I acted a certain way when I was 6 (ran around with no pants on) and hope that didn't drive my ex to cheat on me.

Anyhoo, I understand how you feel. But still, I dont think there is anything you can do that would excuse your lover from cheating on you. Even if you cheated on them constantly, that does not give them a right to do the same. I dont think an eye for an eye applies here.

Either way, I would hope you wouldn't blame yourself for any of that. Sure, there are things that may make it more likely that a man will stray, but it will never excuse it.

Unless you told them "Please go and sleep with that woman or else we are through!"...and even then...

parsnip said...

Im sorry, this hit a nerve so bear with me: in my experience - sorry to say - once a cheater, always a cheater applies. at least, for me it does and did.
There is no excuse. Not even age, if you are old enough to be in a relationship, you are old enough to know not to cheat.
Even if it was something like-
"I fell in love with another woman."
-so fucking what???? You couldnt break up with your girlfriend first? Are you that disrespectful, that shallow, that heartless, ignorant, stupid and horrible? I think thats worse than a guy getting smashed and fooling with a girl at a bar. When they actually have feelings for another and they have the nerve to act on them.
As they are screwing this chick they "love" does the thought of "hey I have a girlfriend and I dont want to hurt her, even if I dont love her" does that not flash through their mind? I dont know, coz Im not a cheater, but id still like to know.
Any person (man or woman) who does this can NOT be trusted. Because they went into the situation fully knowing what will happen and they didnt do a thing to halt it. They are just petty, horny, and dont deserve a second chance.
The only justice in this world for cheaters is that I hope they all get what they deserve. The saying "Karma is a bitch" is so true. I hope they all get cheated on so they know exactly what its like. Karma is a bitch and it WILL get you.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the karma. I cheated on my gf, for reasons i wont get into cuase in the end, there was no reason. I know I broke her heart though. And then the love of my life cheated on me. We are still together mainly cause i can forgive her because of what I did. But now I know exacly how it feels to be on the recieving end. It makes me even sorrier that I did it in the first place. Karma or not i wouldnt wish that on anyone.

alice ace said...

People make mistakes, yes. But those who do and then never do them again, are rare. So, should the "once a cheater" scenario be seen as truth. Possibly. If I wanted a man who wouldn't cheat on me, I would think twice about commiting to a cheater. Unless they do have the same done to them (as Anon states), I don't think that any amount of remorse can prevent it from happening again. Unless they have been betrayed themselves, they will never truly know what it feels like.

I agree with Wombat, that variety is not an excuse. If you are the type who likes variety then don't commit. Stay in open relationships (as I do). They work, so as long as both parties want it. But, you can't have a person devoted to you and then expect them to understand when you get your cock out on someone else.

It may seem harsh to condemn everyone who has cheated, but that's what you get, I'm sorry to say. That's your punishment, and it's a shame that your shame, if you feel any, is nothing compared to the agony of subjecting a person who loves you to your betrayal and lies.

Yes, I have been wronged before. This maybe why I do commit myself to "open relationships" and why I work so hard to become "independent" from men. Can you blame me?

For more bogus excuses that I'm sure all cheating men believe, click on my profile.

Jessie James the Third said...

I gonna stick up here for the menm here and say, hey ladies, you cheat too. I've never cheated on my lady and yet she's cheated on me - ex-lady she is now, course.

I do agree wit all you though on one thing

""""""There Is NO Excuse""""""""""

Peopl who make excuses for cheating are insecure bitches [and thoughtless JackAsses). Simple.

jeff and ross said...

Granted, someone who has habitually cheated in the past has done more than enough to lose privileges when it comes to the benefit of the doubt, but is it fair to lump people who transgress once into the same category? Our second-chance society is built on the principle that people can change their behaviour; point in fact: the treatment of criminals, and though one crime does indeed a criminal make, there is a difference between a criminal and a career criminal. Get me straight, I reckon it's despicable behaviour, but "once a cheater, always a cheater" is too all-encompassing for my liking.
ps. I have been on the despicable side of things, never the receiving end, and maybe that skews my viewpoint on this. That said, I might argue that even being the cheater in this instance brought with it drastic re-evaluation of moral principles and the determination never to repeat that same mistake.

Anonymous said...

That's exactly what someone who has cheated would say.

I don't know how someone like u - whose "dispecable" enough to cheat on someone - thinks they has the right to try and turn it around.

If ur gonna be dis-loyal to your girl, boy, or whatev, u deserve to be lumped into the other category.

"PS" its just pathetic that u think u can justify it too. Not good for your "liking?" Maybe you should have kept in ur pants then.

jeff and ross said...

My point was not to vindicate myself or justify my actions, as I pointed out. I'm not turning anything around; I agree that there are no excuses for such behaviour, but I reckon that had we been discussing another topic, such as someone committing theft, there wouldn't be so all-encompassing a generalization made --ie. an immature teenager who shoplifted will not necessarily become an adult shoplifter.

roselle said...

this topic seems to be circling around a lot these days!!! in the

difference between the sexes, it seems to me as if a man would be more willing to forgive his woman for having sex with another man than he would be willing to forgive her falling in love with another man.

on the other hand, a woman would find it harder to forgive physical cheating. and if she is told her man has fallen in love with another woman (sans physical cheating), she'll up her own sexual advances in order to "keep" him!


Anonymous said...

I think you women need to chill the fuck out.

I'm with "Jeff and Ross" and good for them for admiting it. It's nothing to be ashamed of as you should see.

When are you women gonna realize that cheating is something we are gonna do, whether it be once, twice or fuck knows. It's biolgy for fucks sake! Get your head out of the clouds and fucking face reality!

MEN ARE POLYGAMOUS MAMMALS! Is human nature something to be ashamed of? NO It should be accepted so stop tryin to give us "cheaters' a bad name and wake up.

'nd Im out.

jeff and ross said...

And maybe out you should be because you clearly missed my point.

Anonymous said...

Jeff and Ross:had a teenage shoplifters actions scarred someone emotionally for life, ripped someone's heart to shreds and had an impact on someones selfesteem and trust for years to come, then maybe you would have a valid point.

Anon:I hope 'men' like you come with a warning sign.

jeff and ross said...

To clarify my opinion:
1).Cheating is despicable and there's no excuse for it.
2). A cheater once does not always a cheater make.

jeff and ross said...

I agree that the parallel between infidelity and other crimes doesn't fit when it comes to the repercussions of the action; that wasn't the point I was making. On the issue of whether someone will always be a cheater if they have cheated once, I'm saying I don't agree with generalization, just as I wouldn't with the issue of someone who had committed a crime.

Anonymous said...

I had no idea
ROSS, I hope to hell for blondie's sake that you deserve the benefit of the doubt. Would suck for her to go throuh that hell again. And I have a pretty mean left hook
BLONDIE, i'll be giving you a ring, K?just pick up your fuckin phone for once

(what r u doin for halloween?)

Anonymous said...

Sorry to continue this debate (fuckin worse than the elections!), I, personally, have a hard time believing that any cheater would feel sorry for their actions. The type of person who cheats lacks a moral principle, the very same that would make them not feel any remorse or guilt that would prevent them from doing it again. Does that sound harsh? Possibly.

But the person obviously lacks something that would have told them to stop getting "forbidden pussy" in the first place.

It's my opinion thou and I might be jaded. I think anyone who has been cheated on would feel the same way as I do to some degre, so as any cheater would feel they are being treated unfairly. In the end, maybe it's all relative.

I think its time I got a blog. I want a name in blue.

jeff and ross said...

I agree with that in part, but "once a cheater, always a cheater" rules out any possibility that people can change or learn from mistakes. I know that my comments might come out as sounding heartless, undoubtedly moreso since they come from the hands of a guilty party, but I'm not defending the act of cheating, nor pretending that I could ever imagine the feeling of utter devastation brought on by being a victim of it.

manders said...

So back to one of wanderlusting's questions in her blog -Do guys worry about being cheated on the way girls do?

I would like to know what guys think too!

Having been cheated on twice (sucks so bad), i've certainly re-evaluated how I am in relationships, have stayed out of the dating scene for awhile to re-adjust and heal...
I try not to make myself worried that my next/current guy will cheat. Instead I feel more serious about keeping my head out of the clouds... less naive, really about entering a relationship.

So boys... girls... do you feel worried that you could get cheated on but a current/future partner?

Anonymous said...

I think women worry more bout cheating cause men do cheat more. But I also think men have to be more worried now, thanks to shows like Sex in the City and others that show its empowering to go an get yours.

Anonymous said...

I believe that " once a cheater, always a cheater " is crap. I am male mind you. I've cheated many times, for many reasons. The you don't put out enough reason is only an excuss. For me it was lack of stimulation. How long can anyone (male/female) go with mindless banter before bordom overtakes them? Than you start to look for fun. I am now married to a woman who doesn't take my shit, is always challenging me, and who I know loves me. As with every woman I know ( or should I say I would introduce to my mother ) she does not put out enough. But as metioned I am a male and well.. when every is really enough. Needless to say I have no intention on cheating

scott said...

Cheating isn't something that I think about. If my girlfriend isn't getting what she needs I believe she should tell me, I mean she won't shut up about everything else. A simple you bore me would sufice and away I go. I think it worries woman more, but you woman are sneaky.. Why is it that when a man is out and he has a ring on, a child with him, or dare I even say is with his " someone special " woman begin to flirt. Now the same man is alone and he can't get one of you to say hello? I pose this question. Could it be that woman are not so muched worried about their men as much a they are the other vultures that are circling tring to get a bit of whats out there?

Wanderlusting said...

"As with every woman I know ( or should I say I would introduce to my mother ) she does not put out enough"

I would like to know what "Not putting out enough" consists of..

Is once a day not enough for you men? Jeez.

Wanderlusting said...

Scott ~ you raise a good point. Maybe because a lot of women (who go after "taken" men) are nasty, competitive bitches with low self-esteem?

Matt H said...

My solution is to not put myself in a position where I will be tempted to cheat, ie, not commit to any girl I'm not serious about. I know myself better than to be surprised at any of my actions, and I'll take responsibility for all of them.