Sunday, December 23, 2007

Merry Xmas

Yes, it's kind of odd to start out an Xmas post with a picture of Karolina Kurková, but I can't help but love this girl. Flipping through an Xmas Victoria's Secret catalogue is a surefire way to get in the spirit of the holidays (after all, who doesn't imagine themselves in sexy Mrs. Clause underwear, hanging stockings naughtily by the fire?)

Maybe that's just me.

Anyway, Karolina has always been my favourite Victoria's Secret model. Sure, she's gorgeous, they all are (especially Alessandra Ambrosio ) but there is something about this model's large, white teeth and natural tendancy to smile that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. In the least non-lesbian way, anyway.

That aside, this is a Xmas MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! And no, I am NOT PC, and I am not gonna dumb it down into "happy holidays" - we all know about Christmas, whether we are Christians are not. So there! I hope it's all big, merry and bright for you all!

PS - who is YOUR favourite Victoria's Secret model and why? Come on guys (and gals), put the wrapping paper down and take a moment...:P

Friday, December 21, 2007

Baby Got Back (her boots)


Guess what UPS dropped off at our condo's doorstep the other night?


As some of you may recall, I wrote a post awhile back about the traumatic experience of losing my precious Bata boots in Italy, just a week after I had bought them.

Many of you wrote in with your condolences and even suggestions and offerings of help. I even hit up a few up my friends who were in Paris and Vienna, but alas, despite their efforts, the boots were nowhere to be found.

I can't believe my eyes!

My hunch was that the Bata boots were ONLY available in Italy, which posed a great problem. I didn't know anyone in Italy.

So I scoured the interweb and searched for a personal shopper out of Rome. After querying a few of them, my angel was sent to me. Barbara Lessona is a young, fiesty personal shopper who operates out of Rome. I will write more on her and the services she offers on my other blog shortly (because, if you are looking for a great time/shopping spree in Rome, PLEASE seek her out, she is amazing) so I will get to the point here.

Barbara scoured Rome for me and was able to find one pair, in my size too. She bought them for me and I wired her the money through my bank. All was well until we came to the problem of shipping.

DHL charged an arm and a leg to ship the boots from Rome to Vancouver. After all, it's not easy to smuggle Italian leather goods out of the country without paying hefty duty fees ON TOP of a hefty shipping fee.

Luckily we came to a sort of madcap agreement. Barbara would give the boots to her pilot friend who was flying to Argentina, with a few days stop over in New York. He would take the boots to New York and then I would arrange for UPS to pick up the boots from the concierge at his hotel and ship to it where I am now, in Palm Springs.

It almost seemed too easy.

OK, it was a huge pain in the ass, both on her end and on my end. But in the end, I got my boots the cheapest way possible and my life is now complete :P (well, at least in a boots-kinda way)

The End

To read more about my personal shopping saviour, click here

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Greetings from Palm Springs, y'all!

Yup, I'm down here in sunny California for Xmas and so far, so good. Of course, why shouldn't it be, I've escaped the rain and am looking forward to sunning myself daily in our highly modern, art deco condo complex and shopping at premium outlet stores (Desert Hills is fabulous and I for one can't wait to hit up the True Religion store).

But of course, the ten days I choose to join my parents down here is also the ten days in which my boyfriend's band played a prominent, last minute show at the Roxy (which I missed, last night), another friend is having a party and of course, Xmas itself. I'm glad to spend it with my family (I didn't last year because I was in Scotland) but it's a bit sad to not be with my boyfriend on that special day...maybe more sad is the fact that I am missing all the fun times they are having and I will be forced to see all the pictures on Facebook. I'm really hoping to avoid any "mistletoe" pictures with his friends, as harmless as they would be, it wouldn't be fun to see while I'm all the way down here - such is why I am trying to avoid Facebook all this week).

But I am keeping my eyes on the prize: New Years Eve!

The Rockstar is having a party at his house and I am very excited. I plan to look fabulous...more so than usual (since I always plan to look good). It helps that so far, no one has noticed ANY weight loss from me (despite wearing just a corset and a short leather skirt for my Courtney Love Bday last Friday), which just spurs me on to lose as much weight as possible while I am here. Also, there is a certain will be at the party. This girl is 22, a dark-haired, snarky, sarcastic artist who has always been sorta friends with my bf (and sorta almost slept with everyone in the band, except for him of course) and, well, she sorta hates me. Yup, I could give countless examples of her saying bad things about me and the way she openly hangs off my boyfriend whenever I'm around, but I'll just leave them be. Anyhoo, my bf and I can't figure out why she hates me so much. The only thing we've got is that she thinks I'm some sorta trophy girlfriend, some hot blonde with no humour and no brains and she's out to make me look like an idiot (she also obviously has a slight thing for my bf too).

Well I'm not going to get into a war of wit or brains with her, because I'm not sure how that would work (play Trivial Pursuit? Get in an insulting match?) but I can sure as hell look good and looking good I shall look. Or something.

Anyhoo, I have my whole look picked out. I ordered this smashing dress from BCBG Mazx Azaria on Ebay:

Selling in stores for $364, I managed to snag it for $50. It arrived the other day and it is simply gorgeous. Only problem is, the dress is a size medium and though the bottom half fits fine, the corsety top is like 2 sizes too big. There is no way I could wear it without the top falling down when I walked (doesn't help that my boobs shrunk either), so we had to take it to a tailor today. Luckily the lady is able to take it in before I leave back home - and take it in she will. There is 2 inches from each side that have to go!

Then I purchased this gorgeous, cheapo bag from Target:

I didn't see the shoes, but the bag is a wonderful red. You might think that red might not go with yellow, but I can show you where I am getting my inspiration from:

See how beautifully Reese's red shoes go with her yellow dress? That's the look I'm going for (at least in purse form). Taking further inspiration, my bangs and hair are going to look like her, and I might swipe on a light coat of matching red lipstick (and forgo the bronzey, smokey eye I was orginally going to do...what do you think??)

Maybe I'm putting too much thought in my NYE outfit, but I want the evening to go just right. After all, it's the Rockstar and mine's 6 months anniversary at Midnight.

Most of all, I just want to look hot - better than I've ever looked and I want someone to notice that I've lost weight. I mean, 8 pounds is a lot, I don't care what some people say and my parents were the first people to comment on how much I've shrunk. So I am hoping that by exercising everyday at the state-of-the-art gym they have here, doing my yoga DVD and sticking to my diet (which, despite it being the holidays, is still easy to adhere to), I'll be able to be atleast 2 or 3 pounds lighter come the New Year. Maybe no one will still notice (maybe always wearing flowly, empire waisted tops in the months before this fooled people into thinking I was already thin) but hell, I know I'll feel good!

(of course, today I woke up feeling sick with a sore throat - but hell, I'm still gonna drag my ass to the gym!)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Secrets of My far

So last post I talked about how I'm finally getting in good shape by finding a workout and diet that I like and enjoy.

Today I will elaborate more on that because as of this morning, I stepped on the scale and it registered 130.0 pounds. Suspicious, I stepped on my other scale (less accurate) and it says I weight 125. I'm gonna go with the better scale because that other one can't be right but regardless I am a happy camper.

You see, 4 weeks ago I weighed 138. Through a lot of effort and hard work and restraint, I have lost 8 pounds - and I'm aiming for another 5 more.

How did I do it?

Well, as you know I've always struggled with my weight. I guess in some ways I was lucky because I pretty much ate what I wanted and didn't exercise which left me with a "healthy" build. But I didn't feel healthy and I didn't look healthy. All I could see was my pooch sticking out, love handles, big ass, fat arms. Oh my fat fat arms. WHY COULDN'T THE EIGHT POUNDS COME OFF OF YOU?????

Anyhoo, I did numerous things to try and lose weight. I started running in the mornings and afternoons - but I didn't do it for very long and I wasn't pushing myself. I tried to eat no carbs on the weekdays and anything I wanted on the weekends. But that did me no good. I started lifting weights twice a week, but I just felt bigger and fatter...and more frustrated. You remember when I did Cardio Core Bootcamp in March? Well during that month I BARELY lost inches and I gained weight. Yeah, it was muscle. But muscle under fat which made me feel like a cow.

Also, my main problem was motivation. See, I would see an event a month off and be, YEAH! I'm gonna work out everyday and diet so I can lose the weight in time. And then a week into it, a month would seem so long and I would lose interest and it would just die. I had a hard time keeping the momentum.

So, I came up with a goal. This Friday, the 14th I was to have my birthday party. The theme was Rockstar (or popstar, whatever) and so you had to dress up as such. I decided I wanted to be Avril Lavigne* (cuz it was easy though I hate her guts) and decided I couldn't wear the wifebeater and cargo pants with my fat arms and gut hanging out.

This was a month ago. I decided I needed a real plan for a month...and I needed added incentives in between. So I joined the Self Challenge at (it's free) and made little mini goals for myself. I wanted to lose 2 pounds a week, and so I didn't lose motivation, I decided my first goal post was to be 4 pounds lighter for my boyfriend's concert on December 1st. By breaking up my goal in two, I found it easier to stick to.

What did the Self Challenge consist of? Well, they give you a diet plan and exercises to do, but I made it my own.

I dropped the weights FOREVER and took up YOGA. My experiences over the last month with yoga are worth another post, but let's say I love it. It makes me feel happy, high and grounded. I feel constantly challenged and I love how my muscles are developing lean and long. Not only that, but it definitely helps me with my disability. I am a bonafide yogi for life now.

With yoga being done twice a week, I added the cardio. This came in the form of SPINNING. Yup, the grandest calorie burner of them all. Again, my spinning experiences over the last month are worth a post itself, but I've finally found a workout I enjoy. I used to hate sweating, now I'm dissapointed if I don't sweat buckets during each class. I love the feeling of swearing at my teacher under my breath yet knowing that I am getting the greatest workout of all. The spinning I have added to my workout on average of 3 or 4 times a week, in the evenings (classes are either 45 or 60 min long).

Last but not least, there is the diet. This is where the Self challenge came most in handy. On their website, not only do you enter what excercise you did (and they calculate your calorie burn) but you enter what food you ate.


According to Self, they wanted you on a 1,600 calorie a day diet but I said fuck that, I'm going big or going home. I cut my calories to under 1000 the first week until I realized my body couldn't retain that much longer. I upped it up to 1200 (as they say, you shouldn't go below 1200 or your body thinks you are starving and you won't lose any weight) and now I am quite happy here.

What's amazing is that by recording every bite of everything (had a spoon full of ice cream the other night: 45 calories) for a month, you become hyper aware of what you can eat and can't eat. This diet doesn't restrict anything, keep that in mind, I mean I could eat an entire box of KD Mac and Cheese...(that's about 800 calories, believe me, I've contemplated it) but it would also mean that I would be pretty miserable for the rest of the day. For 100 calories I could have one of those 100 cal Doritos packs - which is mighty tasty - but knowing I'll just be hungrier afterwards, I'll have two crispbreads with Boursin Lite Cheese instead (two tablespoons worth).

Yeah, it's a pain measuring out exactly two teaspoons of butter for my morning waffles (don't get me started on the time I had to figure out how many yam fries were in a bag so I could calculate how many fries equaled one portion) but it's worth it. And you get used to it (though it took me awhile to fall asleep in the first week because all i thought about was food!).

I know all of this sounds boring but if you are looking for something that works, I suggest you visit Unfortunately I am not one of those people who can naturally look hot by eating whatever they want and not exercising. I have to work for it...but now with my perkier, more compact ass, whittled waist and firmer thighs, I don't mind the effort**. Sadly, no one has really noticed my weight loss except for my boyfriend's mother, my boyfriend and myself...then again, I've kinda been keeping the sleeker areas covered up. Damn you fat arms!

Oh and before any of you sweet souls tell me I don't need to lose weight, I know I don't NEED to. I mean, I'm not a model or anything. But I WANT to, I'm doing it so I feel good about myself and it's working!

Left: Month ago
Right: Last Saturday

*Screw Avril Lavigne. I'm now going as a completely high and whored out Courtney Love, complete with ripped fishnets, bedhead, smeared lipstick and trackmarks!

**This extreme calorie counting and working out isn't forever. When I've reached my goal weight, I can maintain it by doing yoga twice a week, maybe a spin class once in awhile and eating around 2000 calories a day. I'm looking forward to it:)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

That time of the year again...


It's my birthday.

Betya thought I was gonna say Xmas, didn't you?

No folks, turns out that I was born on this day, 26 years ago.

26 years! Holy crap, that's a lot of years. Well, to my young, virginal brain it is.

Anyhoo, when I saw this event coming up, I thought I would blog about all the things in my life that were lacking...everything that I thought a 26 year old woman should have and then moan about how I don't have them.

I mean, as I sit here now, it's true that I am DEFINITELY NOT where I thought I would be at 26. I thought I would have a burgeoning career in a field that I loved. At least, had been working towards something for the past few years. But that hasn't been the case with me. At this exact moment, I have an uncertain future (who doesn't), no job and no real sense of accomplishment.

But you know what? It doesn't matter.

I went to bed last night thinking (and believing) that 26 is going to be a great age for me. I may lack a career at the moment, but I am going into school in a field that not only do I love but I am good at as well.

My income from the government will run out soon, but at least come May, I will be getting a job in the film business (and I do mean, BUSINESS). Maybe it won't be steady, maybe it won't make me rich - but at least it's something I've always wanted to do.

Maybe I am not married or engaged like so many of my friends (or maybe it just feels that way), but I have no doubt that it will happen and I am beyond grateful to have the world's best man by my side.

I might not live in Paris, or London or New York - but at least I actually own my apartment (even though I've been thinking lately about selling next year and upgrading to a bigger one).

I might not have degrees upon degrees like people who went to university straight after high school. But I do have my Bachelor in Journalism, which despite its uselessness, is SOMETHING to show for. And I'm not regretting all the traveling I did while slowly earning that degree either.

Yup, I think 26 is going to be a great age for me...and I'm already off to a great start for I will be in the best shape of my life. So far, I've lost 6 pounds of pure FAT in the last 3 weeks, thanks to my modified version of the Self challenge, which involves the only workouts that actually work for my body plus eating in moderation (I'll be sure to share my secrets in the next post, so watch out for that if you are interested). Anyway, the fact is I have become somewhat addicted to my workouts and will be certain to continue them through the next year until I am a smokin hot lean machine ;P

Bring on the late twenties!

(OK, maybe that's a bit too harsh for my ears, but at least bring on 26!)

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Just another manic meltdown

I totally lost it yesterday. I mean, lost it as in crying hysterically, kicking the washing machine till it feels like my toe is broken, screaming in an empty house, tearing my hear out kind of way.

Where do I begin?

For starters, I have known for quite awhile that the Rockstar's awesome parents were planning taking him and I and his sister and her bf out for a very nice dinner this coming Saturday.

His mother then invited us to come over to their house early so we could help decorate the tree. I jumped on this one because I'm sure the tree will be stately, the decorations will be fab and I wasn't going to have a tree this year cuz I'm going to Palm Springs for Xmas, so I would never have a chance to put one up. Plus, this way, it's all fun in decorating AND I don't have to take it down.

Anyway, I was excited about this prospect, as well as dressing up to go to a fancy dinner.

Then the rockstar's best friend's birthday popped up. His gf was secretly planning a dinner for him that night. Of course, we could not go because we were already going to dinner with his parents. That was fine, but it was kind of annoying that the Rockstar seems to miss out a lot on his friend's plans, mainly because since he moved out, they tend to have their stuff local and not out in FunCity, where we are.

This was all fine until Rockstar said that his BF was now going to rent an ice-rink on Sunday.

My heart froze. Count me out, I said. I could tell that he kinda wanted me there, but ice-skating is not my idea of a fun time (and you'll soon find out why). But I wasn't too fussed, since it would be on Sunday, and I could just go home and do my own thing...let him go lame-ass skating if he wanted to (btw, who the hell goes ice-skating for their birthdays these days?)

Then yesterday he finds out that the skating is actually going be on Saturday, late (like from 11-midnite) so we would be able to go after dinner. But I don't want to go. I don't want to dress up, have a nice few glasses of wine and a big gourmet meal and then But it seemed I would have no choice, ESPECIALLY when we found out that the parents were renting a LIMO to take us from their house to the restaurant and back (which is at least 45 min away).

Yes, that's right. My BF's parents are taking us to dinner in a limo.

That's amazing. But it meant that I would be stuck in Tsawwassen that night which then meant I would have to go ice-skating.

Here is the thing. I can't ice-skate. I physically can't. You know my previous post about not being able to stand on my toes or on one leg? Well, I have no balance, I have weak ankles and ice-skating just doesn't work. I was born with club feet, as some of you know, and it is times like this that I am reminded of the deep scars that run up my ankles, the fact that I am too ashamed to even wear sandals and the fact that my feet keep me from doing many, many things that other people can.

For the most part, I'm OK. I am disabled in that sense and I am used to it. This is why despite wanting to be a ballerina growing up, I never could. Instead, I did horseback riding which turned out great for me anyway. But there are everyday things that I just can't do and ice-skating is one of them.

Of course, I could just sit on the bench and watch people skate around the rink. But just that thought alone brought back horrible, horrible memories of Junior High, where the gym teachers would physically MAKE me skate until my ankles almost broke and where I would have to sit on the sidelines, humilated, while the other kids made fun of me, the way I walked, the fact that I couldn't skate, that I was different, etc. Not fun for a 12 year old girl.

And so, for whatever reason, this whole ice skating issue brought all these old issues forward. My bf was at work, so I could only communicate by text how I felt but that only covered the PR version of things. At home at my parents house, where I was using their laundry machine while they are away, I let it loose. Suddenly I couldn't stop crying, screaming, freaking out. And then I had to drive home like that, as I had to beat the traffic. It's a wonder I didn't get in an accident.

I'm sure a lot of you "normal" girls are wondering what the big deal is. You take for granted that you can wear skirts and 4-inch stilettos and frolic on the beach. Honestly, if you haven't had something like this, you won't know and you won't understand and maybe you should just stop reading now, lest you think I'm some whiney little cunt who gets angry when she can't do something.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I know there is so much I can't do and yet, for a girl who was in casts up to her thighs for the first six years of her life, there is a lot that I can do too. But what's interesting is how this made me realize how much I deal with my disability each and everyday. I just never notice, I guess I just shove it aside and move on. And suddenly, one thing, ice-skating, and it all comes flooding out.

This is probably why I will never have high self-esteem, why I try SO DAMN HARD to be perfect in everyway...because I know how IMPERFECT I am....I'm doing my hardest to make up for the deficit. And that's why, when I feel like I am not pretty or thin enough or sexy enough (and that;s everyday) it hits me really hard. It's just adding insult to injury.

Thankfully, this has a happy solution. My bf's sister said she would get drunk with me at the local bar if he went skating and as it turns out my Rockstar would rather do that than going skating at any rate.

And as I got back from my spin class last night (which despite being puffy faced and weak, I still managed to go to) I was surprised to discover a very long, very spontaneously wonderful message from my love in my Facebook inbox (edited):

You might not think you're perfect but I certainly do, I think you're perfect just the way you are. Further proof I love you is that I accept everything about you with open arms, and honey with you, it's so easy. You're so easy to get along with and I still think you're the most beautiful person I"ve ever laid eyes on. It only makes more sense that we're together when I find out you're insecure about certain things because lord knows I am too, and we get that about each other which is what makes us stronger. I've never stopped thinking about you from the moment I met you and I can't imagine it happening. Each time I see you I'm reminded of how cute and hot and adorable you are, I feel like I can spazz out all I want and you'll just smile that pretty smile of yours and you can't top that. Don't ever stop staring at me adoringly because I'll never get sick of seeing those big beautiful brown eyes looking across the table at me. Don't ever change who you are because that's who I'm madly in love with and bettering yourself is one thing but you have to really have flaws to think you need a serious "makeover" and I have yet to see any real ones or ones that don't just make me love you more.


I normally wouldn't post such a personal thing, but I know he has access to this blog and believe me, I've left a lot more, uh, personal stuff out. It's just so amazing to feel so badly about yourself and to have someone in your life who makes up for all that bad stuff.

Despite all these problems of mine, having him in my life does make everything seem...perfect.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Tagged, I'm it.

OK so I was recently tagged by both Girl About Town AND Tawcan so I figured I would kill two birds with one stone by posting both of them here. And no, I won't be tagging anyone else. Tag is an exhausting game.

I'll start with the hard stuff...Eight Random Facts about....

*I have an older brother that I never ever blog about. It's a complicated relationship to say the least and we are not very close at all. I doubt we ever will be.

*I'm a Christian but half the time I ashamed to admit it. Not because of what I believe in, but because of other judgemental Christians who ruin the religion for everyone. I feel like when I tell people I am Christian, I am judged by non-Christians who think I am an uptight, judgemental prude and also judged by other Christians who think I'm less than they are because I'm NOT an uptight, judgemental prude. Like my Facebook religion status says, I am the "Bad ass variety." Like it or lump it.

*I have TV and cable but aside from the occasional DVD I'll pop in there, I never watch it.

*I went three years without having any sex. Now, my sex drive is higher than all the boyfriend's I've had. I symphathize with all you 18-year old boys out there - it can be incredibly frustrating.

*I've always been blonde. Except for 6 months in Grade 12 where my hair was a red-brown. In fact, that's my hair color in my yearbook picture and it pisses me off to this day.

*I can't stand on my toes and usually can't stand on one leg without falling over.

*I love it when my boyfriend forgets his shirt or sweater at my place. I love the smell of him.

*I used to be 39 pounds heavier after I backpacked through Australia when I was 18. I have no idea how I gained the weight, but I did. When I got back, a guy "friend" of mine said I would be the hottest girl in town, if I wasn't so FAT. Even though I've lost the weight, that comment has always stayed with me and I don't think I'll ever be hot unless I have the body of Jessica Biel (I'm working on it, but that's for the next post :P)

This next tag involves taking my middle name and coming up with something about myself corresponding to each letter. I have two middle names, Emma Anastazia, so I think I will stick with Emma...

E - is for Embarrass. I tend to embarrass quite easily. Even times when I don't actually feel embarrassed, my face will still go all red and hot and THEN I end up feeling it anyway.

M - is for makeup. I love it. I went to school for Makeup for TV and Film back in 2000 and it was a lot of fun, though I discovered I really like to put it on myself and not so much on other people (although I did do my good friend's wedding a few months back and I thought she looked gorgeous, thank goodness). I have tons of makeup, buy all the big and small name brands and know everything there is to know. I think I could actually teach a course on it. There is just nothing that can change a girls look and mood like makeup can. Sometimes when I put it on, I feel like I can be a whole other person. Although as I have gotten older, I find I don't tend to actually wear it everyday.

M - is for manners. I believe I have very good manners and I believe manners is an extremely underated quality. A man with good manners will win me over everytime. The only thing I need to work on is trying to cut and eat my food without switching my knife and fork around!

A - is for apologetic. Maybe it's the Canadian in me, but I will apologize even when someone ELSE steps on MY foot!

Happy Monday everyone!