Saturday, October 14, 2006

TOO BIG, too small and Just Right

The Goldilock's Conundrum, otherwise known as:

Does size really matter?

(By the way, this question goes both ways, for men and women. Anyway, if you keep reading you know what you're getting into)

Last night Manders and I went out to Balthazar, just because its so fricking cool. I was just there the weekend before but it certainly made an impression on me. What it is is a bar/lounge/club/restaurant in a Italian style villa. One large room is for the diners. It has a fab menu, funky artwork and a live DJ who spins beats that almost makes you want you to drop your vanille creme caramel and dance. There's also a Fred Astaire musical that's projected onto a artfully decrepit wall. The beauty of the place is, once your done eating, you can grooove on over to the bar and mingle with Vancouverites, or head over to the other room which is more the red lights/loungey/dance floor fun.

Anyhoo, that was the setting, and you know the cast. Now we talk about the script.

"Ever been with a man who is too small or too big?" M asked innocently.

Thankfully I have not been with either, though as you know, I haven't been with many men in general, so I'm not sure I was the best person to ask.

I asked her if she had. She had been with both, a man she dubbed "pencil dick" and a man that was "hung like a horse."

"Both sucked," she said. She made a jabbing motion with her finger and added sound effects to help me visualize (which I didn't want to): "Poka, poka, poka." Like someone ramming a glue stick in you (sorry, again this was her analogy).

~Too small~

She then told me about the guy who was so large that she cried out "Don't hurt me!" Or something like that when she saw it. I'm not sure, but from the way she described, I don't think she even got very far with him.

So this got me thinking...does size** really matter when it comes to sexual satisfaction?


I would hope not, but then again I wouldn't know. But what I have heard from others is that when they are, erm, "less-blessed" they often make great lovers because they realize their, erm, "short-comings"(giggle) and make up for them in generous ways.

I've also heard that men who are "very-blessed" often don't know what the hell they are doing and don't bother putting in any extra time and attention because they think they don't have to. Like Samantha Jones said, "Men who are too good looking are never good in bed because they never had to be."

Is there any truth to this? And, while we are at it, does the same apply to women (boobs and all)?

Personally, I don't think its the size at all, but what you do with it, that counts. In the end, I believe its more about the man who owns it than anything else.

**average size being 5-7 inches.
Disclaimer: Please excuse the crude pictures. We were bored.


Anonymous said...

Great. Every man's worst fear is now in writing.

Turning the tables I think that the same can be said about women. You want sumthing to grab onto but you also don't wanna suffocate unedr their gozangas.

Matt H said...

Thats an optimistic average range isn't it K? You might have been spoiled...

That said, I guess the 'right' size depends on what gets you going. That goes for breasts and, well, mens bits. Some women might like nothing more than a good reaming, others not so much. Enthusiasm from all parties involved will win the day though.

Anonymous said...

I have to stay anonymous on this one...I am to emberassed to id myself...but I am sure u know who i am...hehehe

I think is the thickness that counts more than the size...and overall is what they do with it that counts...

On the boob part...I was blessed and I have seen Men stare and oggle me...but I am not a man so i dont know what they think about that part of the question....

manders said...

well.... for the "big" guy it was a "don't move"

Wanderlusting said...

Hahaha...I know who you are!

But yes I agree with you, it's not so much about the, erm...length so much. Anyhoo, like Matt H, its all about the enthusiasm anyway.

Sean said...

breast size is a weird, weird thing. to me and most of the guys i know, very large breasts are kinda like a car accident. looking doesn't necessarily make you happy, but you can't stop yourself. to me it's really two things, personal preference (i prefer a sleeker body style) and just the way someone is put together. sometimes larger fits on someone.

the thing about breasts vs. a penis is i don't think a mondo large set is necessarily going to cause us pain and discomfort and i don't think a tiny set us going to leave us frustrated. it's amazing how no matter what the size or shape, they start looking perfect when you're with that person and you're making one another... uhm. happy.

M said...

"In the end, I believe its more about the man who owns it than anything else."

I was thinking that all the way through while reading it. Sure, I don't want to be hurt and yeah, I do want to 'feel'. :) But bottom line: I stand by your statement there. I think that's most true for me.

sipwine said...

I had a friend who was with a man who was "too big." The first time they had sex, she bruised her cervix and bled for 3 days afterwards. I think too big might be too scary for me any day.

Susanne said...

I think it definitely depends on the individual.

Penis size alone is no indication of how good a lover a guy will be.

One of the best lovers I've had was a smaller guy.

Wombat & Aspen said...

Make no mistake, men have the same size issues.

Bigger Cooters are Better.

Wanderlusting said...

Manders ~ Ha, "don't move" is even better!

Sean ~ good to know

M ~ thanks!

Sipwine ~ Ew!

Susanne ~ totally

Wombat ~That was a very, erm, intersting article. I had never though of it that way. I suppose though.\, that it's a harder thing to measure... I mean, really, what is average "length" and all that for a woman? I think the guidelines for size must be a bit more lenient.