Tuesday, October 24, 2006

A dress cooking on the stove


I've been laid off for a week now.

Guess what I've done with myself:


A) Did schoolwork



B) Looked for new jobs


C) Started writing my novel



D) Drove around town, ripping my hair out and throwing a hissy fit at the inability to find the perfect Halloween costume since the one I ordered isn't coming in on time.

The answer is A.



Ha. Just kidding. The answer is D, of course.

First of all, let's get one thing straight:

I love Halloween. I love it like the smuggled wine I am drinking, like the buttered popcorn I just popped in the microwave.

It's my favourite time of year. I've never not had a Halloween. Even in NZ where it's not really celebrated, and where I've had TWO Halloweens, I still dressed up (as Rogue from Xmen and Marilyn Monroe, respectively). Sure I got weird looks, but I didn't care (though it was weird having Halloween on a balmy, Spring night...).

Growing up, I would have the most awesome Halloween parties complete with a haunted house in the garage. I even trick or treated until I was 15 (and only stopped because no one believed I was 10 anymore and I wasn't metablozing candy as well).

So, of course, this year I jumped in on the action of getting an orginal costume. After hemming and hawing over Selene from Underworld, I decided the blue contacts were too pricey and that I should go for something different. Low and behold I saw a costume on Ebay for Phoenix (Xmen) and soon I was bidding. All I had to do next was get the red wig. I was a bit iffy about having to wear a spandex suit (I don't really have the body to pull off the skintight look), but I made piece with it. The nicest part was that Ross decided to go as Wolverine. I'd never done a coupley thing before (then again, never really had a bf on Halloween...oh, except for my Ex, who went as ME) and I was excited.

Then I got the email. Yesterday. They hadn't shipped the suit yet. I wasn't going to get it for Halloween.

FUCKING BASTARDS.

I paid for it THREE WEEKS ago, but thanks to Ebay, I can't even complain about it because if I give negative feedback to that twat in Shaghai, she'll do the same to me. But seriously, I paid for the fast shipping, I asked if it would be here this week and everything was promised. Now, I find out I'll have a Phoenix costume...in a few weeks. What bloody use is that? Maybe for dress up (wink) but still....ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

So, you can understand I'm in a bit of a predicament. Especially since my bloody WIG hasn't even arrived yet. I'm hoping by Friday, the night of the party I'm having, but ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

This is when I had to think, if I do get the wig in time...what the hell am I going to be? What the hell requires a red wig? AND is a movie character, since I like to keep to that theme.

I spent last night musing about it and feeling sick. Then this morning, it hit me:

Ah ha! Ariel, The Little Mermaid. So I drove about, trying to find a mermaid costume. No such luck, but I did buy enough crap to make my own mermaid costume.

So I tried it on. I realized that I was squeamish about spandex and yet with Ariel I had to walk around in a BRA??? Who was I kidding? I'm not Giselle. I can't wear a bra in public, even if it is purple and covered in seashells.

The thought of my flabby gut being bared for all the world to see while stick-thin girls tramped around in slutty fairy costumes, made me rethink the whole mermaid idea. Damn you Ariel! Why are you such a slutty mermaid!?

Then I realized that this purple, tight ass prom dress I had bought earlier from a thrift store for $2 would be perfect for another red head....Jessica Rabbit.

Hmmmm. Yes. Jessica...red wig....purple dress...NO WAIT. Her gloves are purple, her dress is red.

No problem, I thought. I can get red dye.

Hours later, I was back at home with a purple prom dress cooking in a stock pot full of bubbling red dye. Notice I say purple still, because the FREAKIN dye did not work, even though it says it would dye acetate.

The world is full of lies.

So, here I am. Running out of time, money and options. I can't even find my backup costume, which is Kill Bill. Sigh.

What the hell am I going to do?

*Probably going to get red fabric paint and paint the dress red. But if that doesn't work, I'm screwed once more. SO if anyone has any ideas to do with a movie/tv character that either has red hair, blonde hair or a strapless purple dress, I would looooove your suggestions. Maybe even Lindsay Lohan (redhead) OR Jessica Simpson (blonde), though I don't know what I could wear that would suggest either of the two (and please do not suggest short daisy duke cut-offs...or a pink bikini). Booo, and my popcorn is burnt*

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Forget Hohan. Go as Jessica R if ya get the wig and Jessica S if ya don't. Just wear a velour tracksuit.

Anonymous said...

the color purple makes me think of wizards...be a wizard with red hair?...you just need a sweet pointy hat with stars on it...!

Anonymous said...

or...strawberry shortcake! or...Rainbow brites red headed friend...I'll keep thinking for you...

Anonymous said...

raggady ann...but a sexy raggady ann!

Rachel said...

How many people can seriously remember that Jessica Rabbit wore a red dress and purple gloves?
Just switch it around and wear the purple dress and red gloves. No one will even think anything of it.

Kass said...

DUDE! Be Daphne from Scooby Doo! Or any one of these characters - http://www.redandproud.com/famous%20redheads%20Fictional%20A-L.htm

Wanderlusting said...

Thanks for the suggestions guys, though Ross came up with the winning one:

If I get the red wig by Friday, I am going as Peg Bundy. Should be a riot! Spandex, heels, tight leopard print off shoulder top,cigarette in one hand, box of chocolates in other.

If I don't, I am going as:

She-Ra, yes the princess of power. wooo.

Janellerific said...

I have to be a lady bug...I just don't do sexy well.

An Amie said...

I cant tell u how many costumes ive had to put together at the last minute (as in the 31st). No matter how hard I prepare something always happens to mess things up.

Doesnt mean u wont have fun though. Im sure Peg Bundy will be a funny choice and we'll be awaiting the pictures...why not try and get the whole gang going? Al, Kelli, Bud and the annoying lesbian from nextdoor.

C'est la vie!! said...

Peggy Bundy...thats so kewl...y didnt I think of that...I can do her walk ....thats so kewl...I am going as a NUN...yeah hehehe...I wanted something slutty but I work Halloween night and I cant go to work like that...so I am going as a nun :P

Janellerific said...

I wish I could go as Bud...

Wanderlusting said...

I always thought Bud was the dog...

Or was the dog Barf?

Janellerific said...

Bud is the uber sexy son...remember the first time he had a girl sleepover? hahaha.