Friday, November 10, 2006

Good in Bed?

It seems I've had this discussion a lot with my girlfriends lately and it turns out we all wonder the same thing...

What makes a woman good in bed?

This seems like an easy question, but for the life of us we couldn't exactly figure out what the answer was.

So we ask you men:

if a woman is open to doing absolutely anything (gotta try everything once) does that make her a riot in the sack? What if she'll do/try everything except one thing (like a threesome)...does that mean it's not enough? If a woman isn't open to everything, does that make her a bad lay? Is an open-mind crucial to blowing a man's mind?

How about if she tries stuff on you that you've never had done to you before (and you really like it)? What if you get to teach her new things (and she really likes it)?

Is it about being able to talk freely and honestly about what you expect from your sex-life and visa versa? Is it about making sex a vital and important part of your relationship? Or is it about making sex not such a big deal and just let it happen naturally?

Is it about taking the initiative and always instigating sex? Is it about being vocal (loud)? Is it about being vocal (telling him what you want)? Is it about being flexible (yoga classes that pay off)? Or is it about being flexible (compromising your wants and needs)?

Or does it just come down to enthusiasm?

The funny thing is, when I asked my friends what made a guy good in bed, I got a whole range of different answers, from "being open to sucking on my toes" to "being able to last more than 5 minutes" (she's easy to please) to "letting me go down on him more than he goes down on me" to "being in love with him."

So maybe it just boils down to personal tastes and preferences, for both men and women.

What floats your boat? Sometimes, it's just the other person wanting to know what makes your boat float.

17 comments:

Kass said...

Details, details, details, who needs them. Lets just lay it down to love and sexual attraction.

Wanderlusting said...

Hmmm. So maybe, simplicity is key and if you have all the right elements, good sex should just fall into place. Simple is good.

Kass said...

Precisely. Dont you agree that sex is always better with someone you either love and/or are sexually attracted to? I maen if you took the things that that person does and applied them to someone you just mildly fancied enough to fuck, would you still think they were smashing in bed, baby? lol

Wanderlusting said...

Yeah I agree. Of course, I've never slept with someone that I wasn't in a relationship with (whether that's for better or for worse, I don't know). However, I have been with guys I didn't love and ones that I have loved.

As cheesy as it sounds, LOVE does make things better. I think it's hard to be in love and hate your sex life. Maybe we are just lucky that way.

I can say though, it's very easy to be in "LIKE" and hate your sex life. And that's when these factors of "what makes someone good in bed" come into play.

I think you can have a satisfying sex life because you are in love, but I'm also sure that there are things you/they can do that will bring it from satisfying to over-the-top fan-fucking-tastic!

Or something like that.

Kass said...

True dat.

Love + hateful/no sex life = not fun.

They say that a relationship fails first in bed.

Not sure who "they" is..

Wanderlusting said...

I like that saying. It's very true.

"They" are very smart.

(you are they, aren't you?)

katy keene said...

The problem is, guys are never satisfied, the idiots.

Looong time ago I wasn't too adventurous in bed. You want me to dress up like a naughty librarian? No way. You wanna put that where? Don't even think about it.

That is, I was until my then boyf had a talk with me about it.

Now I too will do everything and anything (and I mean it) and the reason I broke up with my current ex was because he wasn't adventurous enough! He says I intimidated him.

A girl just can't win.

John said...

DEFINETLY being openminded is what counts!
My girlfriend sticks to the same old same old and it does get boring. Not to sound like a pig or anything, but if she would at least hear me out instead of dismissing it, I would be a lot happier in bed AND i think SHE would be too!

fantabulous brit said...

Enthusiasm is everything, for both sides. If you don't act like you really wanna be there, that is a major turn-off.

I think women have this problem more than men do, but things always go both ways.

simon said...

"Connection".. Its not about being a gymnist... but it is about finding that "connection" ( likes /dislikes) and having fun.

What "rocks the boat" for one may not for the other. if you both like being gymnastic ..great, if you both like to be minimalist good too...
Do I make sense?

Scorpy said...

It is definately the connection and in time you both become aware of each others pleasures and can anticipate each others moves. The secret is change...subtle changes in the way you do things or it may become stagnant. This does not necessarily mean trying totally new things but rather changing positions or locations. Be spontaneous. My partners must need to be there or it just isn't the same. I'd rather make love than just Fuck!

Anonymous said...

I think simon said it best - connection is what counts. there doesn't have to be love, but there does have to be a connection. that's why some one night stands are good and some are horrible. same is true with relationships.

sipwine said...

I am pretty sure it comes down to how fast a woman can take off her pants.

Anonymous said...

Love Schmove, connection schmonection. I JUST had this conversation (via instant messanger) with a girl-friend the other day...I'm sure she'll be thrilled that I saved our "chat" and will blog about it when I get some time.

I think you nailed all main attributes: lacking inhibitions, having self confidence, being vocal, and perhaps most importantly, enthusiam.

Kass said...

They is they! You can't fault they!

Anonymous said...

A good girl in bed is one who is creative and fun. It obviously depends on the guy and what he likes, because there are lots of boring, mediocre in the sack guys who like the same in their girls.

Me personally, as a very sucessfull musician as well, I like girls who fuck like pornstars(usually why I like pornstars), and models who fuck like pornstars. Being creative in all aspects of my life, the bedroom MUST reflect that. I don't care how hot you are, if you are boring in bed, I won't like you(but will still fuck you).

Lady by day, whore by night.

Anonymous said...

A good girl in bed is one who is creative and fun. It obviously depends on the guy and what he likes, because there are lots of boring, mediocre in the sack guys who like the same in their girls.

Me personally, as a very sucessfull musician as well, I like girls who fuck like pornstars(usually why I like pornstars), and models who fuck like pornstars. Being creative in all aspects of my life, the bedroom MUST reflect that. I don't care how hot you are, if you are boring in bed, I won't like you(but will still fuck you).

Lady by day, whore by night.