It’s become that time in a person’s life where to start to notice that everyone else is getting married. Everyone but you, that is.
And you would be fine with that because in reality, you are still quite young and should probably get your life in order before you take such a step. But because everyone around you seems to be doing it, you feel this immense pressure to do it too.
My boyfriend and I were talking about this the other morning. Yet another one of our friends got engaged. This wasn’t a huge surprise, after all the girl did move all the way over here from Sweden for him. But it was still a lot considering the amount of people we know who are getting engaged or have gotten married this year alone.
As we were talking, it suddenly struck me that with only one or two exceptions, every single couple I know whom is my age and who recently got married or engaged all had one very important thing in common.
The woman wears the pants in the relationship. This is not to say that the man is a doormat but the woman certainly controls things and the man goes along with it. He’s “whipped” as one might say.
Now I know that sounds derogatory, but before you jump down my throat, hear me out. “Whipped” just means very much in love, in my books. Do anything for your woman kinda thing. And while my bf would do more or less anything for me, I don’t wear the pants in our relationship and I’m OK with that. I’m easy going, he’s easy going and things are pretty much even – maybe he’s got a bit more sway than I. What can I say, I myself am whipped. I guess it’s just who I am in relationships.
Anyway all the women in these relationships are opinionated, unafraid and domineering (not usually in a negative sense). They know what they want and go for it and it’s quite admirable.
Such as marriage. Every single woman that I am talking about (of course there are a few exceptions, especially if I don’t know the couple all that well) has mentioned marriage a lot. Some put forth ultimatums. Some picked out rings. Some just nagged and nagged.
So when the proposal came, it wasn’t a surprise. Not one bit. Of course there was the uncertainty of “is he actually going to propose or did I completely scare him” but it’s not like it came out of left field. The idea was placed there to begin with by the woman and constantly reminded by that woman.
What’s interesting though is in some cases, it HAD to be placed there from a women. I know one couple who had been together six years before she started bringing it up – a lot – and finally he proposed. It makes you wonder, if the woman doesn’t say anything, does that mean the proposal would never happen? It’s hard to say, maybe it would have happened anyway if the woman had just waited and it would have been more romantic. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened ever if the man didn’t get a huge kick in the pants and a relationship wake-up call. I guess it depends on the relationship.
Gone are the old days where this was the man’s decision, now are the days where women are picking out the rings with the guy and having mutual discussions like “OK I guess we’ll get married.”
Where is the romance? Is it dead? Did the romantic, surprise proposal ever exist?
The thing is, I’m old-fashioned (so shoot me) and like the idea of romance and being surprised. And so does my boyfriend. We both agree that while equality is great, somethings should still be left to the man. At this rate in these feminist times, it almost seems like the next step will be women proposing to men. And while I admire those women who do so, because let’s face it, it takes a lot of balls, if this trait catches on, you know divorce will grow even more. I’m probably going to piss off a lot of feminists here and I’m fine with that but if it were up to the woman to propose marriage, we would ALL be married and probably to the first boyfriends we ever had and probably within three months of dating. I know the guys will tell me I’m right. I know I’m right because I know how I think. Maybe I’m a strange woman but I know I’m not alone here…
So for me, I let my boyfriend know earlier this year that I would like to be married within three years. And that’s all I’m going to say about it. He knows, I know he knows and it’s in his hands now. I would rather wait a little bit and be totally surprised, than get married now and go into it thinking the whole thing was my idea and start wondering if this is something he REALLY wants or is only doing it because he feels pressure from me. I don’t mind taking the time because even though you do think you know someone after 17 months, there is still plenty more things to learn and know before you make that step.
And hey, in three years if nothing has changed, I may just have to put on a pair of pants and go pick out a ring myself!
BTW – I know that this will generate comments, half from women who think the ideal and romance is dead and think its necessary to give men a shove and half who think its best to wait and let him make up his own mind, I would love to hear from what some MEN have to say about this….