Tuesday, November 25, 2008

And the winners are...

ME! For completing the challenge! Man, thinking THAT hard about what to wear really is tough work. Though so far this week, I've noticed I'm dressing more sloppily -probably because I've been too rushed in the mornings to plan my outfit. Must start doing that the night before.

Oh yeah. The OTHER winners are....ELEH and WISCO BLONDE!!!

CONGRATS!

Please be sure to Email me (email is on profile)with your address so I can send you the swag. Promise I won't stalk you :P

And if you are feeling bummed that you didn't win, don't worry, you'll have your shot next week when I will be doing the remaining five looks. I'll be posting each look each day so with your comments you have more chances to win - and this time I'm giving away three freebies. You know, Xmas spirit and all :)

Meanwhile, my final Forever 21 package came today. Actually it came on Friday but I was too busy to pick it up. I was amazed and how quickly it came too considering I ordered it on the Wednesday.

It was a small bundle but I'm happy with it, no small feat considering it's the last purchases from that store until March (I do have 3 packages coming in from ASOS but after that I am sadly done...for one exception: possible dress for New Years).

Contents:

Sequin and Mesh Dress


Red longsleeve button-up cardigan

Olive/Gold Brocade skirt

Grey rose belted dress


I took pictures of myself in all of them and was going to post them but am feeling so unbelievably fat today, I just can't. Funny thing is I felt fine earlier, until I tried on the clothes. The skirt - though a Medium - barely goes over my hips. I don't understand, I'm always a Medium in Skirts at F21. Sadly all the other dresses I bought were also a medium and normally I buy a small. It's like I'm resigning to my weight gain.

Today - earlier - I was quite happy. I booked my trip to Disneyland with my BF, I'm excited about Xmas and even my 27th Bday coming up and super relieved that I am refinancing my mortgage, which means extra cash to pay off all my credit card debt for good.

Yet the moment I put on the clothes and saw my face in the pictures, I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream and kick and tear my skin off. I am so damn misearable and all because of 5 or 8 extra pounds. It completely made me forget all the good things in my day. Funny how the simplest things do that sometimes.

And yet I can't explain it. Weight gain to me is normally bad but these days its unbearable. It's like all the clothes I have mean nothing if I don't look good in them - I can't wear them!

For example, last week during "Bombshell" I had so many better ideas of what to wear. A tight red sweater, leopard print skirt. But I figured a long cardigan and tummy covering tank would be better - these days I dress by how fat I feel and sadly I've been wearing mumu everything.

It sounds silly to complain about these things, especially when there are bigger people out there and bigger problems. But for some reason, this is really weighing down on me. I hate my reflection, I hate the way I look in photos and I hate getting dressed in the morning. I hate the skin I'm in and starting to hate myself.

And I apologize for bitching and whining and ending this post on a downer but I figure if I cant do it here, I can't do it anywhere...

I mean I just said something similar on Facebook, about how I was so happy earlier cuz I should be and yet horribly depressed cuz my clothes don't fit and some bitch (who USED to act like she had issues with me - I talked with her about it but I guess she still does have issues with me) commented on MY status saying I shouldn't use my Facebook status to complain about such things and it's not worth going over on Facebook.

UM, hello it's just a damn Facebook status, people say stupid shit ALL the time, I can say whatever the hell I want and if you don't like to see me complain about what ails me, then don't comment, you're just going against the "point" you're trying to prove. Seriously. My real friends smack some sense into me with a sense of humour but don't belittle my feelings.

Sorry had to vent about that too. Stupid Facebook. Stupid weight gain.

Don't worry, I'll recover from this malady, I just always feel helpless at the start of my diet and exercise regime because I expect things NOW or at least soon. It's discouraging when you work hard but don't see any reults for awhile and it's even worse when you have important events coming up soon which you need to look good in.

Most of all, I'm just dissapointed in myself for slacking on my eating and exercise habits and letting myself get to this state.

OK pity party over. Later on this week I'll take new pictures of the clothes - oh and need some advice on what to wear to the company Xmas party this weekend - and hopefully not a mumu.

8 comments:

Karinaxoxo said...

Weight is all about how you feel. If you don't feel comfortable - then you should do something about it! Your lucky that you can carry a few extra and still look great (from the photos I've seen anyways)
And on the really fat days -just wear black!

Rachel said...

:( i know how you feel. and a lot of times, it doesn't really even effect the way other people see you, it's just how you see yourself, and how you feel. it sucks. but just so's you know, you never look even a little bit chubby in any pictures i've ever seen of you.. in fact, you look svelt!! :)

Wanderlusting said...

Thanks guys - it's so true that it is all about how you feel and not always how others think you look. Maybe it would be different if people called me fat (and when I weighed 40 pounds more, they did!) but it's all about feeling OK with yourself. At the moment I don't.

And people notice. Not how I look, but they notice my supreme lack of confidence.

I think in the meantime, until my weight loss starts to happen, I'm just going to concentrate on improving my jogging endurance AND have a whole slew of clothes ready to go for "fat days"!

Odette said...

Arg you're jogging again?? That's a feat in itself! :) I too know how you feel and I am in the same boat fat-ness wise. I get it, I really do and honestly I think that if you feel that you need to you should talk about it because the venting also gives you the motivation to do something about it. Honestly, it's not about whether we see it or not (I don't see it for the record) but it is all about how you feel. In the end you may not "loose" any weight but if jogging etc. makes your feel better that's all that matters!

Kass said...

Yeah, who was that loser on your facebook? I was like pssh please bitch, if you don't like it, don't read or reply to it. Idiots.

I hate when the clothes don't fit, or when they just feel wrong. It's a miserable, miserable day, and even if the scales don't show you've gained, you can sure as hell feel it.

What I do when I'm feeling really down on myself, is name the things that are making me feel bad, and in this scenario, it's insecurities. So I would just go "Fucken insecurities", and treat them as if they're a person. You know, someone you can really hate and totally ignore anything they say. I separate them from myself, and by doing this, I start to feel better. They can't hurt me, because as a person, I'm stronger than them, not the other way around. They don't have any right to judge me, I'm great, so fuck them. It's a bit strange, but it does really work. Maybe you should give it a go :)

Vegas Princess said...

I want to know what that girl is using Facebook for because I post stupid shit on my status all the time. The other day I simply stated I needed chocolate. That is what the status thing is for. People really need to get a life other than someone else's.

You are just having a down day, we all have them. Do something that will make you feel a bit better, indulge yourself. And you'll find the motivation you need.

♥ Marta ♥ said...

First of all I would like to apologize for taking so long to reply ...uni is killing me.But thank you so much for your sweet comment... you're just tooo sweet.

I was just browsing through your blog and you're absolutely stunning... you really are a natural beauty.

And when it comes to insecurities...everyone has them, I am the most self conscious personal ever when it comes to wearing bathing suits... Everyone has those ups and downs when it comes to appearance. In the end of the day, you are who are and it is all embracing yourself... I tell that to myself.

Those dresses are stunning and they are doing to look gorgeous on YOu ... :)

Farrell said...

I'm having major weight issues myself but I have to keep reminding myself that I am in control and I have the Power to Change it.
However I must say, sweetheart, if you are almost 27 and able to wear a medium at Forever21, you are in good shape. I couldn't fit into anything in that store!