Friday, July 10, 2009

A proper way to use Facebook? - and a WINNER!

The winner of my dress giveaway is... Underfunded Heiress! Huzzah to UH! Hopes this adds to your "funds" :P

And the winner of the secret prize - a pair of earrings and/or rings from Forever 21 - is: ANONYMOUS! Ok actually, your email is f_marbella! Yay Marbella! I have your email so I will get in touch with you shortly (in case you don't read this :P)

I will send out your dress and jewels as soon as I can (PLEASE EMAIL ME :) and I apologize to the winners of the last contest - your dresses are all packaged up and ready to go however I have been short on postage money and THEN I moved, so I haven't the time. Regardless, EVERYONE should received their stuff next week :)

So...I was on Facebook (as I do during work and times of procrastination) and again, someone lectured me on the use of Facebook. You may remember this post back when this bitch (who admittedly hates me) said I shouldn't use my Facebook status for trivial things like complaining about my weight. To which I said, wtf? Who are you, Facebook Police? I didn't know we had to donate our statuses to end world hunger, biyatch.

Well, it seems the Facebook police have it in for me AGAIN!

I had learned - through Facebook - that someone I knew died in a plane crash. A small plane with two pilots - which was transporting donated blood - nosedived into a parking lot pre-landing last night. As it happens, I went to high school with one of the pilots.

So I mentioned that in my status, paying my respects, as all my other friends have, saying RIP - his initials, not name - and that I was sad he had to go in such a tragic way, etc.

Anyway, this guy from Ireland whom I did volunteer English teaching in Spain with, and which I remember being a fairly easy-going and nice guy (although he did fall in love with a married Spanish woman), suddenly attacks me on the proper use of Facebook, like out of NOWHERE (this has been edited for shortness sake):

His Facebook comment: If you make comments every 20 minutes on Facebook about every mood swing that you have, or enlightening random individuals such as me as to how pissed off you are at work, or how hung over you are, then expect people to say "could I care less???". Facebook ought to be about keeping in touch with life developments, not boring people with updates as to what you had to eat half an hour ago and how it is moving through your digestive system. You know, maybe its a cultural thing and I just don't get it.

Me: Well I am not sure how they use Facebook in Ireland, but looking at my newsfeed, I see hundreds of friends using Facebook the same way that I do. There is no right or wrong way.

HIM: Hundreds of friends giving updates every hour or so...!!! That's a lot of mood swings. How do you keep track? If you have to read (and maybe even comment on) each contribution, how do you find time to do things such as work, or eat, or give time to other people? Not trying to be bad or anything - but do you not find a lot of those updates to be totally unnecessary?

ME: Peter, I don't know, I don't give Facebook that much thought. It's a time killer and a way to keep in touch with people you want to keep in touch with. It takes a minute to scan your newsfeed and read people's updates and then MAYBE comment, if it compels you. Facebook can be a waste of time if you want it to be - it can also be a great communicator. For example, today via people's statuses I learned someone I knew died last night. It has many uses.

HIM: I know that you found out that someone died. So did hundreds of other people who also probably don't know who you are talking about. I'm very sorry that this person died but I didn't need to know. Do you not think that this should be a personal thing between you and only other people who knew individual?

ME: Not really - if it doesn't interest them, then people don't have it read it. I read tons of things that are unrelated to me and I honestly don't give them a second thought.

HIM: That's fair enough Karina. I suppose that I don't send messages to people if the messages aren't related to them in the first place. Particularly if they are about someone dying.

ME: If people I knew hadn't written many updates about this person dying and publicly paying their respects, then I wouldn't have known. And now other people that knew him know now too, because of my status. This is how some news travels in this world.
I'm not concerned with the people who aren't involved reading it - I know they think "that's sad, "someone she knew died" and they move on. What else is there to think? I'm not playing journalist and thinking I need to think about my "audience" before I write something on Facebook. It would be impossible for me - and for most people - to make a status that would be relevant to every person on their Facebook. I sometimes post things that are only relevant to ONE person. It doesn't, and shouldn't, matter.

So that was the last word on the matter (at this point). What do you think?

You know what I think...Facebook - like blogs, like THIS blog - are a way to communicate with people. I don't think there was anything wrong with me publicly paying my respects to someone that died. I see people do this all the time and I never, ever think anything of it except that "Aw that's sad." That's it. I never think "I didn't need to know that." Well, maybe if the status was "I took a big dump" but even then, I don't say anything, it's funny, it's Facebook, who cares?

Facebook, Blogs, Twitter - it's up to you how to use it and there is no right or wrong way. How dare someone tell me - tell anyone - that they aren't using it correctly. If you don't like what you read, then don't read it! And if you think it's so trivial, why are you commenting? Don't you see the hypocrisy in that? I can't talk about anything I want and yet you somehow can admonish me for what I say? Not everyone likes what they read on some people's statuses - I have gotten in many fights before over people's content or comments - BUT that has nothing to do with the use of Facebook itself.

It makes my blood boil, I tells ya. And yes, I probably shouldn't have said anything but I am stubborn and his patronizing attitude was more than enough. I mean, it's freakin' FACEBOOK, get used to it.

OK, rant over. I went to the beach again last Friday night (last bonfire for awhile)and had some wine, eats and girls gabs. Here are some pics:

Dress: H&M - bought in Oslo in 2006 after my aunt accidently threw away my favourite pants and so I bought this dress to make myself feel better. Best pants ever :( Shoes: Sam Edelman


OceanDreams said...

Yay for the beach and love your Forever 21 dress. Gosh, that guy sounds miserable and I think he just wanted to pick a fight. Honestly, you are totally right. If someone does not want to read a status, they shouldn't read it or be that person's friend. You are free to communicate any way you desire. I would be mad at that dude too. You handled yourself well - I enjoyed reading your responses. Well, happy happy weekend love! Glad facebook drama is over, for now. ;) Sometimes communication complicates things, this is true. I guess we need to be positive and ignore these maddening people! Hugs!

OceanDreams said...

Oh, and sorry about your friend that died. That's sad but at least you found out! Xoxo!

Wanderlusting said...

Thanks babe - the guy who died, I wasn't close to him. I knew him in high school. But he was a smiley, cute guy and it's such a shame when the young have to go, and in such a horrible way too.

The Clothes Horse said...

Cute dress.
That boy sounds like a "Facebook Nazi." I don't think there is a "right" way to Facebook/blog/communicate; to each his own. We can't impose our standards for ourselves on others. Also, giving updates doesn't hold expectations in responses or others--you gave an update on what you wanted, people don't have to read it/comment/update themselves...but no one has a right to tell others what to do! That convo really annoyed me! You handly it much better than I would have--I would have given him a piece of my mind...

Dane said...

I cant believe how petty some people can be. I read hundreds of silly statuses that I dont agree with every day, and the only times I have ever commented negatively was when someone unleashed racist slurs against pres Obama, or shows their ignorance with regards to pressing issues like terrorism or other political issues. You are right, facebook is just a way for us to communicate and you should be able to write whatever your heart desires, in your own space, without having someone tell you off about it. I love reading about my friends little every day mishaps, it allows me to keep getting to know them regardless of the distance betweem us and the little time we have to communicate.. its just a way for us to say "Hello, world" and vent if necessary.

That person you know, whoever he is, is being extremely ignorant and self righteous.

Dont let it get to you =)

Melissa said...

LOVE the dress and you're completely right about Facebook. I got so enraged when people kept posting in their status, "When will we get over Michael Jackson and move on." Some people just have zero respect.

Underfunded Heiress said...

First, I am so happy to hear I won that adorable dress! Its so my style!!! Thank you so much! I will email my address to you.

Second, Facebook (twitter etc) is meant for communicating. There are no laws and rules about what you are allowed to communicate. And that Irishman seems to be a bit of a hypocrite b.c he advises that it's meant for big life delopements and such. This is your facebook page and you posted an updated about something that happened to you (your friend passing and I'm so sorry to hear that), you were using it for those exact purposes he advises about. There is nothing wrong with that.

Third, FB updates is for whatever you want. If ppl don't care they can block how often your status updates on their page anyway.

Lastly, its your friends/acquaintances in your network so they probably are interested. I actually like to see what ppl are up to just in general and what they have to say even when it's not important information.

That guy is a time waster more than FB anyway! Haha.

Thanks again for the dress. So excited!!!! Sorry for the long comment!

Underfunded Heiress said...

This is silly but I can't find your email address anywhere. Pls email me for my address at or let me know yours. Thanks!

Love the beach photos!

Anonymous said...

Are you freakin' serious?? That guy seriously needs to GET A LIFE!!! Most people do use Facebook just to crap on about random stuff (generally that's what I do) and it's great for keeping in touch, seeing photos of friends etc. Sometimes there are posts that are serious where we get to hear about something distressing that may be going on in someones life and we can offer them some support etc. But, who the hell decided that Facebook needs to be serious all the time and to be edited by a loser like him who seriously needs to start having a good look around Facebook and see what most people use it for!! It's meant to be fun. The world is serious enough! Anyway, it's YOUR page - not his! How dare he! I think it's time for a Facebook friend dumping - you don't need people like him ruining your day. It's a very strange attitude for an Irishman because the Irish are usually totally carefree with a great sense of humour - not sure what his story must be. Anyway, don't let it upset you. It's your Facebook page and you can put whatever the hell you want on there my dear. :)

Kristin said...

He does realize he can block peoples updates right? If you don't want to read it, don't. Geesh. Arse clown.

The Bargainista said...

I definatly think that you can use facebook for random updates....heck, thats the reason they made twitter was because people were doing it on facebook! So use it the way you want, forget what other people think!!!!!

And I am so sorry about your friend passing away! That is very sad

Maya said...

OMG that guys sounds like a such an idiot with way too much time on their hands

i just started reading your blog a couple days ago and i LOVE it (I love both of your blogs actually)
you have the most amazing style!

Annie Spandex said...

I want to drink wine on the lake now... And that dress is sooo pretty! Congrats to the winner. And wow, what was up that Facebook dude's butt, hm? There are much greater things to get up in arms about than someone's Facebook statuses.

Mairyliscious said...

amazing pics !!!!!

Elizabeth Marie said...

How annoying! Like Kristin said, doesn't he know he can block those kinds of things (not that you should be blocked) but he can block alllll status updates. Why is he even on facebook if he hates it so much? I think you handled it so well love! What a nightmare of a guy.

And congrats to underfunded heiress! I love her!

Rachel said...

i got really mad when i read that! seriously, what?? what right did he have to judge you like that? i would be seriously annoyed.

on another note.. totally wanted that dress! bummer! :)

Couture Carrie said...

Oooooh beach picnic and bonfire ~ so fabulous! Love you in your long flowy black dress :)

Congrats to the winners too!


Angie said...

Obviously this Peter guy had nothing better to do with his time than to pick apart other people. He's probably insecure himself who knows.But like you said, most facebook users do exactly the same thing that you do... and its not an issue! There are no freakin' rules on how many times you can update your status per day or what you should and should not post. WTF is right! I mean really, come on buddy, I'm pretty sure he could find something a little more constructive to do with his time than to sit on facebook all day and police all of his friends. What does it matter to him if your status updates do not pertain to him anyways? Ugh...makes me want to leave a msg on his page haha.

Angie said...

I think this guy would not exactly be cut out for Twitter than if he can't handle simple status updates on facebook haha

believablegiraffe said...

A proper way to use Facebook? The last time I checked, Facebook specifically asks "What's on your mind?" at the top of the page. Obviously the news of your friend's death was on your mind, and expressing how you felt about the loss was healthy and appropriate. If he doesn't give a damn, maybe he should remove you (and anyone else with emotions) from his page. Or perhaps he'd rather Facebook just be called "Picturebook." A lot of bad moods? Sorry, but that's what makes us interesting people. And I hardly think the media questions whether each tidbit is relevant or appropriate, or possibly offensive. Frankly, I don't want to be shielded from it.

I'm sorry for your loss, Karina. Hopefully you'll lose this mean little Irish man and make room for the people who care.

Great dress, by the way!

Carlotta said...

you've always the best pics!! have a great weekend :))

DaisyChain said...

I want to join you on that beach

Len said...

I would even argue with that kind of "friend". I'd just tell him that if he doesn't want to read my status updates, he can block them, and if he complains, then I'd kick him off my friend list. I mean, seriously, how stupid is this guy?

I give TONS of status updates that are unrelated to most of my friends, and I give a lot of them in different languages, so usually there's always a part of my friends that won't even understand what I'm writing. Never had any of them complain.

Len said...

I mean "I wouldn't even argue". Argh.

S said...

There are no rules pertaining to status use on Facebook. The fact that someone got pissed off at you for your update is ridiculous. It's easy to ignore other people's updates. I read through the Newsfeed in 3 seconds flat... skimming over what I don't need to know and focusing on what interests me. This guy you know has a bee in his bonnet and obviously needs to chillax a little (yes, I just used the term chillax) and focus on his own life rather than letting other's lifes irritate him.

lopi said...

First of all, congratulations to the girl who won the dress! I'm slightly jealous, but I'll get over it.
Secondly, hasn't this guy ever heard that one can choose whose updates are visible on the newsfeed? And then he goes on a rant about the correct use of Facebook? Do your homework first! As The Clothes Horse said, you handled the whole thing in an amazing way.

j.nes said...

hi! i'm new to your blog & i love it :)

pffff, that guy must have been on one that day! hello!! thats what facebook is all about! haha.. i can't believe he tried to say there is a "proper use" for facebook..ridiculous lol

Kass said...

I hate people like that. I had a few people like that, making snarky out-of-the-blue remarks about something I've said in my status. That's what I've now blocked them from seeing most of my profile.

I've also had them on my blog, which totally pisses me off because my blog is MY place to whine. It's not a place for people to come whining to me about what I'm writing.

Kill them all I say.

Pinky said...

WoW... what amazes me is that your friend chose to send you his opinion after such a sad post. He bitched about knowing what you eat and such, and yet he sent the comment after an important, sad, deep post. I think that was douche-y and hypocritical to say the least. I would have blocked him right away, so go you for taking the time to indulge him and his inane sense of FB etiquette.

( . )( . ) said...

that dude is a dick. I mean, i have over 400 friends, most from different countries, my status updates are about me and how i feel, and NOTHING to do with my friends list, the whole point behind a status update is to let people know whats going on, if they want to read it. There is no right or wrong, he can choose not to have status updates fed into his news feeder, its up to him to change his personal settings, not to attack everyone he doesnt want to read about. It sounds like a really pathetic argument he is trying to make, and I wonder why he is even on facebook.

Maybe he is having a bad day and taking it out on someone. Very very dramatic for nothing.

Wanderlusting said...

I just have to add that after my rant - the next day and after people jumped on my status to come to my defense - this is what he wrote:

"You know folks, I'm not actually being ironic at all (I do, however, like a good argument). I'm not dictating how anyone should use Facebook - I couldn't if I tried. Also, Odette, expressing opinions on Facebook makes it a useful tool, if only people actually used it that way. But putting up posts such as "On my own in my apartment today and ... Read Moretotally leaving work at 4" followed up by "I accidentally posted nude pictures on my work computer today", followed up, or proceeded by "Took my last 6.30am swim in my pool today" is neither news nor opinion.
I think my last status update was when I had a baby - much the same for friends of mine. That is the reason I am on Facebook. Not to find out what colour dress someone is thinking of wearing tonight.
Nora - I'm posting on the wall rather than by private messages because I post so little that I am unfamiliar with the options (that and the fact that I like to get a discussion going)."

I LOSER! And to think my status about getting up at 630 AM to go swimming one last time would annoy him so much that he would actually remember it and then use it in his lame-ass argument! What a fat, balding prick with zero time on his hands and some serious issues...

Vegas Princess said...

Peter needs to read up on how FB actually works and block people's status updates if they are going to upset him this much. Because that is what people use FB for. If he is looking for something more opinionated, philosophical or deep he is on the wrong site. I for one love random updates. It makes me feel closer to people I don't see often and share in normal things they do each day. And THAT is what FB is about. Bringing people together.

How does one accidentally throw a pair of pants away?