It has been a bitch of a month. And it's still not over yet. It's starting to compete with January for Worst (and Longest) Month Ever (funny how those go hand-in-hand). To say I'm stressed out is putting it mildly - in fact, I can't coherently type without feeling my heart beat a bit faster and faster. So allow me to share the trials and tribulations of this month with you.
Let's start with THE GOOD:
*The in-laws have been gone for two weeks, leaving us kids alone in the house. It has been wonderful. This alone has allowed me to keep my sanity. Unfortunately they get back tomorrow and then I flit back to my parents house without having to see them. Much.
*I'm the proud owner of three new pairs of wonderful boots. I mean, I love these boots and despite their cost (though all were on sale) they were worth it. They make it easier to give up so much (see later). I will share them with you once I deem my body appropriate for photographs, but these pics will have to do for now:
My first ModCloth.com purchase. These boots are super comfy, hide my stupid ankles and match my skintone for a nice leg-lengthening look.
These boots I have been eyeing for ages now but I just couldn't justify the price -$219 (funny how I used to spend $300 on a pair of shoes no problem but now all I can think is how much better off I am spending it on experiences and fun times instead of just one pair of shoes - I mean, my plane ticket to San Fran cost less than that. Hmmmm travel? Or shoes?). Anyhoo, popped by Modcloth again and saw they were 50% - and in grey, which is a nice change from black.
These black 80%20% boots MAY just be the best pair of boots I've ever owned. A hidden wedge for height, tough studs and front zipper with pointy toe for a rugged western look coupled with a dainty floral pattern. They make my legs look thin and I'll wear them all year-round.
*I move into my apartment in just over a week. Muse concert is also in a week. My friend's wedding is in 10 days. These are all good things....except for that wedding gift, oh crap!
*My body is less lumpy and bloated thanks to a steady intake of probiotics and eating smaller portions (and exercising, when I can).
*I've put the deposit down for my new Editor to work on my book and my mom was generous enough to front half of the deposit (wouldn't be able to do it otherwise...Editors are NOT cheap, real ones anyway).
*My Faith No More "Happy Birthday, Fucker" shirt arrived from New Zealand and I love it.
*I'm writing two articles for an online travel magazine. Which reminds me...better get on that!
*I got a permanent new doctor and he's fabulous. He actually cares and wants to get to the bottom of what ails me.
*My skin is a tiny bit better since my doctor suggested I stop using "anti-acne" formulations for my terrible bumps and use Cetaphil instead.
*I'm *this* close to having Dual Citizenship (Canada + Finland)
*I've been sick. Just the flu, but it's been a week now and though the fever and aches are gone, I'm still congested and feeling so tired and exhausted.
*The sickness has caused me to miss a week of workouts...this completely de-rails my weight loss goal because I could have dropped more weight had I been working out this past week. I really wanted to look good in time for my trip to California and I just don't see that happening now. Gonna feel like a fat piggy in the sun.
*Yeah, about that - there are subtle changes in my body that only I notice but I realize it's gonna take a LONG time before I fit into any of my clothes again :(
*I am still sticking to my eating plan - counting calories and being concious of everything I eat. HOWEVER, that + no drinking = BITCH. In the past when I would do a "liver cleanse" for a month, I substituted the inconveniences of not drinking with eating. But now I can't EAT what I want and I can't DRINK and I can't spend MONEY cuz I just don't have very much.
*And yeah. No money. The good news is I get EI for the rest of 2010 but the bad news is it is not enough to survive on. Like, I'm gonna have to eat Ramen noodles until I get a job...which, is unfair - why is healthy food so expensive?
I am so low on cash, that I have taken to selling things on Ebay. At first it was a way to clean out my closet but then, after seeing how much money Ebay and Paypal take from you, it turned into a way of surviving. I have a trip to Cali I need to pay for, an Editor I need to pay for, gym classes and personal trainer I need to pay for, and the only way I can pay for these things is to sell practically everything I own.It's only fair I guess, because these are not things that are essential to living but it still sucks.
*Which brings me to another thing - it was cathartic to give 6 garbage bags full of AWESOME clothes away to the SPCA:
It was cleansing to rid my closet of things I never wore, didn't fit right or just got attached to, or even things I didn't need (Do I need two white halter tops? no). But it was painful to part with clothes that I still loved, purely because I needed the money from them. Like my Jeffrey Campbell 99 wedges...never even got to leave the house in them *sob*
And yes, I know I just bought boots (see above) but I sold some pricey shoes that I loved to make up for it. So it was a trade. I hadn't bought shoes in a very, very long time and knew that if I just got rid of the "designer" brands that I was snobby about but never wore and replaced them with more practical brands that I would wear all the time, it would be totally worth it.
*I can't stop stressing about money.
I think I'm afraid if I don't keep fretting about it, I'll do something stupid and buy something I can't afford (oh, it almost happened last night haha). I keep going over my income from the government and the bills I have to pay and the figure makes me sad.
It could be worse, I keep that in mind, and I know I can do it but it's going to be really, really hard. Especially since after this Ebay load, I won't have anything more to sell so sticking to my meager budget will be paramount (and when I say budget, I mean I have a monthly clothing allowance of $50 lol)- Luckily, I have become more thrifty with money since the New Year, so it hopefully won't be impossible.
*I may need to have surgery on my feet again - I think they are getting worse over time and I want to fix what I can, when I can. It scares me though...I don't want to have to learn to walk all over again!!
*My tenants just informed me that the ceiling in the bathroom leaks when the guy upstairs takes a shower. Luckily it leaks in to the bathtub. Unluckily, it looks like the ceiling is rotted from it. WTF do I do now?
* I owe my tenants their $500 deposit cheque next week. I don't have $500.
So, in short: No Money + No Wine + No Food + Sick + Fat = SAD FACE EMOTICON
I also know that things will eventually work themselves out. And that even though April itself will be rife with more money troubles, it'll be a better month. Least not for that glass of wine I can finally have.
Thanks for listening.
BTW - Stay tuned for tomorrow when I announce the winner of the All Modern Giveaway AND I share some low-cal/good food recipes.