Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Don't forget to breathe


It has been a bitch of a month. And it's still not over yet. It's starting to compete with January for Worst (and Longest) Month Ever (funny how those go hand-in-hand). To say I'm stressed out is putting it mildly - in fact, I can't coherently type without feeling my heart beat a bit faster and faster. So allow me to share the trials and tribulations of this month with you.

Let's start with THE GOOD:

*The in-laws have been gone for two weeks, leaving us kids alone in the house. It has been wonderful. This alone has allowed me to keep my sanity. Unfortunately they get back tomorrow and then I flit back to my parents house without having to see them. Much.

*I'm the proud owner of three new pairs of wonderful boots. I mean, I love these boots and despite their cost (though all were on sale) they were worth it. They make it easier to give up so much (see later). I will share them with you once I deem my body appropriate for photographs, but these pics will have to do for now:

My first purchase. These boots are super comfy, hide my stupid ankles and match my skintone for a nice leg-lengthening look.

These boots I have been eyeing for ages now but I just couldn't justify the price -$219 (funny how I used to spend $300 on a pair of shoes no problem but now all I can think is how much better off I am spending it on experiences and fun times instead of just one pair of shoes - I mean, my plane ticket to San Fran cost less than that. Hmmmm travel? Or shoes?). Anyhoo, popped by Modcloth again and saw they were 50% - and in grey, which is a nice change from black.

These black 80%20% boots MAY just be the best pair of boots I've ever owned. A hidden wedge for height, tough studs and front zipper with pointy toe for a rugged western look coupled with a dainty floral pattern. They make my legs look thin and I'll wear them all year-round.

*I move into my apartment in just over a week. Muse concert is also in a week. My friend's wedding is in 10 days. These are all good things....except for that wedding gift, oh crap!

*My body is less lumpy and bloated thanks to a steady intake of probiotics and eating smaller portions (and exercising, when I can).

*I've put the deposit down for my new Editor to work on my book and my mom was generous enough to front half of the deposit (wouldn't be able to do it otherwise...Editors are NOT cheap, real ones anyway).

*My Faith No More "Happy Birthday, Fucker" shirt arrived from New Zealand and I love it.

*I'm writing two articles for an online travel magazine. Which reminds me...better get on that!

*I got a permanent new doctor and he's fabulous. He actually cares and wants to get to the bottom of what ails me.

*My skin is a tiny bit better since my doctor suggested I stop using "anti-acne" formulations for my terrible bumps and use Cetaphil instead.

*I'm *this* close to having Dual Citizenship (Canada + Finland)

The BAD:

*I've been sick. Just the flu, but it's been a week now and though the fever and aches are gone, I'm still congested and feeling so tired and exhausted.

*The sickness has caused me to miss a week of workouts...this completely de-rails my weight loss goal because I could have dropped more weight had I been working out this past week. I really wanted to look good in time for my trip to California and I just don't see that happening now. Gonna feel like a fat piggy in the sun.

*Yeah, about that - there are subtle changes in my body that only I notice but I realize it's gonna take a LONG time before I fit into any of my clothes again :(

*I am still sticking to my eating plan - counting calories and being concious of everything I eat. HOWEVER, that + no drinking = BITCH. In the past when I would do a "liver cleanse" for a month, I substituted the inconveniences of not drinking with eating. But now I can't EAT what I want and I can't DRINK and I can't spend MONEY cuz I just don't have very much.

*And yeah. No money. The good news is I get EI for the rest of 2010 but the bad news is it is not enough to survive on. Like, I'm gonna have to eat Ramen noodles until I get a job...which, is unfair - why is healthy food so expensive?

I am so low on cash, that I have taken to selling things on Ebay. At first it was a way to clean out my closet but then, after seeing how much money Ebay and Paypal take from you, it turned into a way of surviving. I have a trip to Cali I need to pay for, an Editor I need to pay for, gym classes and personal trainer I need to pay for, and the only way I can pay for these things is to sell practically everything I own.It's only fair I guess, because these are not things that are essential to living but it still sucks.

*Which brings me to another thing - it was cathartic to give 6 garbage bags full of AWESOME clothes away to the SPCA:

It was cleansing to rid my closet of things I never wore, didn't fit right or just got attached to, or even things I didn't need (Do I need two white halter tops? no). But it was painful to part with clothes that I still loved, purely because I needed the money from them. Like my Jeffrey Campbell 99 wedges...never even got to leave the house in them *sob*

And yes, I know I just bought boots (see above) but I sold some pricey shoes that I loved to make up for it. So it was a trade. I hadn't bought shoes in a very, very long time and knew that if I just got rid of the "designer" brands that I was snobby about but never wore and replaced them with more practical brands that I would wear all the time, it would be totally worth it.

*I can't stop stressing about money.

I think I'm afraid if I don't keep fretting about it, I'll do something stupid and buy something I can't afford (oh, it almost happened last night haha). I keep going over my income from the government and the bills I have to pay and the figure makes me sad.

It could be worse, I keep that in mind, and I know I can do it but it's going to be really, really hard. Especially since after this Ebay load, I won't have anything more to sell so sticking to my meager budget will be paramount (and when I say budget, I mean I have a monthly clothing allowance of $50 lol)- Luckily, I have become more thrifty with money since the New Year, so it hopefully won't be impossible.

*I may need to have surgery on my feet again - I think they are getting worse over time and I want to fix what I can, when I can. It scares me though...I don't want to have to learn to walk all over again!!

*My tenants just informed me that the ceiling in the bathroom leaks when the guy upstairs takes a shower. Luckily it leaks in to the bathtub. Unluckily, it looks like the ceiling is rotted from it. WTF do I do now?

* I owe my tenants their $500 deposit cheque next week. I don't have $500.

So, in short: No Money + No Wine + No Food + Sick + Fat = SAD FACE EMOTICON


I also know that things will eventually work themselves out. And that even though April itself will be rife with more money troubles, it'll be a better month. Least not for that glass of wine I can finally have.

Thanks for listening.

BTW - Stay tuned for tomorrow when I announce the winner of the All Modern Giveaway AND I share some low-cal/good food recipes.


Ginny said...

I saw Muse at the begining of March and it was amazing! You will have a blast. And say hello to my future husband Matt for me.

Annie Spandex said...

Yes, you got the 80%20s! Can't wait to see them on you. Those were probably my favorite from the winter collection. :)

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! I feel your pain - I too am having a financial crunch knowing that my job may not even exist next week. Oh well...I guess there's always a cloud to the silver lining...and like you said it was cathartic experience to unload some garments/shoes that weren't being used.

Anyhow, keep your chin up and good luck! :-)

kira said...

i hear ya on the money business. i have been literally scraping by, getting loans here and then from friends and family which is not only hugely embarassing, but makes me feel like a tool. i completely blew through that $15G from my icbc settlement, which makes me feel even more like a failure since i was SO trying to save a lot of it. i got it just before i moved into my apt last year and a lotttt of it went to that since i was basically starting from scratch again (new furniture and all new everything else, dishes, bedding, etc.) since i left everything i had with my ex when we broke up a few yrs ago.

anyways, if you ever need to complain, i'm in the exact same boat, love <3 it sucks because every time i get invited out somewhere i have to pretend i have other plans or whatever, cuz i can't even afford like, cover and one drink.. etc. ugh. i almost had to miss that last TSC show but luckily had a couple bucks thrown my way from my dad. sigh.

i've even gone so far as to look up ways to earn side cash online. sighhhhhhhhh lame. lol. as if it weren't hard enough these days, but we live in one of the fuckin most expensive places. gorgeous, fun, yet expensive.

Memphis Steve said...

I know this might sound like a strange way of encouraging you, but I have a friend who went through what you are, selling things to make money. Then selling things to buy other things. Before long she got really good at it. She's so good now that she practically breaks even every time, selling one thing and making enough to buy something new that costs the same, not losing a dime. I don't know how she does it, but apparently its a skill you can potentially learn.

Aside from that, I feel bad for you. I understand a lot of what you're going through. And the surgery, oh Lord, I hope you don't have to go through more. That's such a strain. I've had only 2 knee surgeries, but my knee is hurt again and I've been wondering if I'm going to have to go through a 3rd. I hope to God I don't. And I hope you don't either.

Memphis Steve said...

I meant to say, all that aside. Not aside from that, as if I didn't feel bad that you're having to sell things. I do.

Memphis Steve said...

Oh, and Muse! I only just discovered Muse. I envy you getting to see them. They are really cool.

MizzJ said...

Hmm sounds pretty stressful! I would focuse more on that postives list and just delete the bad ones!

Tell me your Holy Grail mascara and you win could a must-have beauty prize!

Dan said...

Well shoot, I would have gladly been your editor for free. And if we manage to get together when you are in SF, I'll get you a gift of your choosing (within limits, of course) because I want you to be happy.

Erica said...

Muse is great.

What's wrong with your feet?

daisychain said...

I love the boots.

Sorry there has been so much bad...keep focusing on the good...things will get better <3

Wanderlusting said...

Thanks Everyone!

DAN - I don't need anything but if you still feel like spending money on a stranger, you can buy my Boyfriend a birthday present. After all, that's why we are in SF.

Kristin said...

Finances induced stress just plain stinks. Totally been there! Hang in there. Woop woop about the editor. Too bad they don't work for free. Ah ha ha. LOVE those fab grey boots!

AsianCajuns (Lar) said...

Ooo I totally feel you on this sucky month! Stress city here too! But, you know, it sounds like you are working through it (the bad and the good)- so that is awesome and inspiring!

ps- Lurve your boot purchases- especially the 80%20s!!!

Kathryn said...

I am asking this honestly and not to be snarky, but why are you paying for an editor to work on your book? any reputable publisher would assign an editor to do that free of charge

Wanderlusting said...

Kathryn - you're not snarky.

"any reputable publisher would assign an editor to do that free of charge"

Right. And how do I get said publisher? By having a damn good book. How do I get a damn good book? By getting a professional to help me work through the problems BEFORE I send it off the publisher.

My book is in its first draft. I would be an idiot to think it's good enough to send to publishers as it is. This book is very important to me - there is no way I would send it out to publishers before it was as good as it can be.

In the past I used to write scripts. I used to get script consultants to analyze my work and give me feedback and as a result the consequent drafts were always a major improvement and even went on to win contests.

I'm not so talented that I can just write something and have it be accepted off the bat.

kira said...

ps - i will be @ muse as well, woo! if we happen to run into each other i'm gonna give mike a noogie, JUST BECAUSE! you warn him. warn him good! lol. i hate noogies, what am i talking about. delieriou... omg and there goes my spelling. delirious!

Fashion Court said...

i LOVE your new purchases! i really know where you're coming from though about a "closet cleanse" .. it's hard. i've been getting rid of a lot of stuff i didn't wear and i try to return what i can (if i still can!) and the rest as you know i'm getting ready to sell. it's hard .. but in a odd way it's good to make room for the new stuff to eventually fill our closets (lol).. i've always wanted to buy a pair of 80%20s but i never have seen a style that i LOVE (yours are fab!)

ps: feel better!