Friday, January 25, 2008

So sue me!

I'm just gonna come out and say it:

I don't like babies.

I don't think they are cute (generally, there have been exceptions). They scare me. They are so soft-headed and fragile and snivly looking and cry all the time and I don't what to do with them. So I stay away.

Does this mean that I would love to drop-kick a baby into the street (like Dave Chappelle, lol)? NO. But it does mean that if I see a dog and see a baby, I will ignore the baby and go coo over to the dog.

Am I fucked up? Possibly. I also don't have any maternal instincts, or a very low variety of them anyway. I don't think having children is vital to a happy existence and I can't stand smug mother's who tell me, "Oh you must have children, it's the best thing ever." I know that their kids have made them happy but they shouldn't push their politics on others. I AM the one who decides what makes me happy.

I know a lot of people who don't know if they want kids, a lot of my friends who - like me - don't think babies are cute. To quote an articulate friend of mine, "It's ridiculous how women expect each other to share this universal maternal instinct. I find that new mothers get SO offended when I don't want to hold their babies, or I don't immediately comment on how beautiful he/she is. They all look like Ed Asner to me." I know people like my own mother is very supportive of my choice to NOT have kids (if, in the end, that is what I choose). Even though I am the love of her life, she herself does not think that children are necessary to a great life.

Anyway, I'm not set in my ways. I know that when I am married (or not) and 35, something might kick in and if it does, yay for me. But it's not my goal in life to have a child and I think I will be quite happy without them, if that's how things go.

That's just me. And I should be able to believe in that without being bombarded by angry women (so please, angry women, don't bombard me).

For example, a friend of sorts on Facebook just had a child. Weird-looking little thing (it's a newborn, they aren't cute to me, sorry) but there was one picture of the three of them that really was sweet. And the newborn was even looking at the camera - I don't even know if that's possible at that age. But it was and it was a lovely picture and the baby looked sweet.

So I commented: "I don't even like babies... but this is actually really cute. Yay family!"

And some friend of their that I DON'T EVEN KNOW comments after me: "What kind of a person doesnt like babies? Ummm anyways... GORGEOUS!!! SHe is just perfect!"

WHAT KIND OF PERSON? A person like me...oh, I guess that means a heartless, cruel, devil-worshipping cunt, right? Did they not even read my comment? I said that THIS baby was cute! That means a lot coming from someone who doesn't like babies, it's a huge compliment! Where does someone I don't even know, come off with saying stuff like that?

Listen up, you women out there. Just because some women happen to not think babies are cute and aren't going gaga over them, doesn't make them bad, heartless and uncaring people. It just means I don't like babies! I'm sure I would love my own and think it's the bomb, but other than that, sorry! It's just the way I am. And I think people should be allowed to be just the way they are without getting some snide, condescending comments from people who don't agree.

That's just my two cents.


Meg said...

Don't worry about it, I'm the same way. I'm irritated by babies until they grow old enough to TALK TO LIKE PEOPLE (ie: turn into HUMAN BEINGS instead of squishy noisemakers with goo coming out of all orifices)

However, there are some little ones who I've thought were awesome. But in general, no.

On a side note: I also think there should be a rule that says "No people too undeveloped to stabilize the pressure equilibrium in their middle ears should be allowed on the plane". I'm not being anti-family, because as well as considering the comfort of 100 other passengers, the baby itself is OBVIOUSLY IN PAIN. I had a triad of screaming babies on the red eye to Halifax last month and I wondered what I did to deserve it, after paying so much.

All I can hope for is that when my own time comes to be a mother (or if), I will either change my tune or have an AWESOME kid that is reasonable, easily trained and doesn't ooze to much. Apparently they're out there. My boss has one. I asked him if I could adopt him, because he and his wife are still young enough to produce a replacement, and *I* would never produce something so agreeable.

(The universe isn't THAT good to me.)

Anyway, still loving the blog, and enjoyed the uplifting post yesterday, as my life has been somewhat craptacular lately, and it was nice to have a shot of positivity once in a while.

clw said...

I totally get what you're saying - and I agree - AND I'm a Mom. I'm totally crazy over my own but babies - ugh. Sure some are cute and they have some good points. Mostly I'm with you - I can do without them (except mine of course). Although at 9 he's not really a baby anymore. Shit I don't even like kids...mostly they annoy the shit out of me - yet I have one and I love him like no other! Guess that makes me weird or something LOL

Meg said...

PS: if they can't have a screamer-free zone on flights, they CAN have a sound-proofed chamber where the baby-types can all scream, away from everyone else. The flight attendants can receive a pay differential for their trouble, and my biggest traveling trouble (that's actually it, save body odour, the kid that kicks my seat - see above, he can go in the Chamber too - and the person who drops their seat back to sleep when I have wine on my tray) will be solved.

Farrell said...

I've always wanted to be a mom; I've felt that way forever. But I'm not going to tell YOU you HAVE to be a mom; that's just dumb. Frankly, I think too many people in this world pro-create that probably shouldn't have (Britney Spears ahem Britney).
Meg: I get what you're saying but just trust me on this: the moms with the crying/whiny child (ME) is just as embarassed, if not more, that HER CHILD is "ruining" everyone elses experience. Sometimes babies just cry and often times families are all spread out so...there's really no other option. But if you want to send me a private jet to get where I need to go, by all means, Soph & I will hop right on.

Meg said...

Deal! :-D

James said...

Gah, I totally agree with you. Although it's somewhat more socially acceptable for a man to not be interested in kids, I'm still subjected to smug parents on a near-daily basis who simply cannot understand why I never want any. It's like it becomes their personal crusade to change my mind.

And let's not even get started on the people whose personality and entire sense of self-worth seems to be wrapped in the fact that they're parents. I don't even particularly care what my nephew and niece are doing - why does a stranger need to tell me about his/her kid?

lenfercestlesautres said...

I agree - I'm a 100% like you on that topic but it's becoming more and more of a problem because my sister is pregnant with her second child!

Kass said...


I love babies, but I totally dig where you're coming from. You don't have to have babies and you sure as hell don't have to love everybody elses!

Steph said...

Borat Stylee "High fiiiive"! Agreed! Mothers can be more annoying than the 'smug marrieds' but only by an inch or so.

M said...

Looking at babies makes my womb cry, seriously. I do love their - especially the chubby ones (oh my god, cute!) HOWEVER, spending all day with some of my babied up friends instantly puts me right off reproducing. Goodbye personal space, time, taste and brain - no thanks to that.

The funny thing is that of course I don't hold back on saying this, so after a day with my good friends I made the comment that I was soooo glad that I didn't have to deal with the horror of babies and that it was awesome being able to get back into my car and not have to worry about getting the baby back home/fed/changed/sleep (like they had to do). Yeah, they weren't impressed with me for being so free!

So yes, parent's are totally smug with their whole 'oh you don't know what you're missing' thing but in the end if you come back with the cold hard truth that life is fabulous simply BECAUSE you don't have one (and actually you feel a bit sorry for them) then whoa, watch out for the dirty looks you'll get. sheesh.

Girl About Town said...

I have never been a baby person, the only exception being my own baby!! But aside from her, no. Even now, as a Mum, people expect me to go all coo-coo-ga-ga over babies, and look shocked when it doesn't happen.

IMHO everyone is different. No-one has the right to force their views or beliefs on anyone else. You are who you are and I applaud anyone who stands up for who they are. You go girl!

Scorpy said...

I LOVE babies...but I think there is something wrong with me lol honestly, I can't walk past one without smiling. I come from a big family and my youngest brother is 12 years younger than me so when I was a teenager I helped bring him then rest of my siblings up. I don't have the responsibility of 'having' the children and I suppose that is the difference. You are expected to give up almost 12 months of your life to HAVE them. when you are ready you will absolutely LOVE them :)

The Stormin Mormon said...

I'm glad you've said it...

I can't stand kids. They're not cute, they're fragile and smelly. They make more noise than I do (that's saying something) and they then need quiet that makes a library sound like an airport runway...

I've never had the desire to have any, and every time I think that might change I meet a new one that just affirms my current state of mind.

Vegas Princess said...

Amen! I agree with you 100%! Having been married for over four years everyone is looking at me and asking "Sooooo, when are you going to start you family?" Uh, my husband an I are a family. We don't need a baby to make it complete. At least not yet. We are fine as we are and if we decide to have a baby later, fine. But we don't want any right now. And people don't understand that. I may never want kids. It changes from day to day but I can tell you the urge that I thought would be there once I got married does not exist. We are not ready to totally uproot our lives for a child, no matter how "fullfilling" they are supposed to be.

Wanderlusting said...

Meg - I don't understand the babies on planes thing either. I understand if you don't have a choice but believe me, if I do and I have a baby, I am NOT subjecting people to that. Not to mention the glares I would get from people like me.

Clw - I totally hear you, I know plenty of parents that just like their kids but not kids in general.

Farrell - yup if I had a kid screaming on a plane, I would be SO embarassed.

James - its totally the smugness that gets me.

Len - are you getting additional pressure now?

Kass - dont tell me YOU are getting baby pressure too?

Steph - see I can't wait to be a smug married though its really about being a smug engaged person. I am actually looking forward to that.

M - I know. Why is it OK for Smug Moms to say that YOUR life is empty for NOT having one and its not OK for you to say that YOUR life is great because you DONT have one??????

Girl - thanks, girl.

Scorpy - I'm sure when and IF I do have kids, I will love them of course and despite my craziness, I in some ways think I would be a good mother...weird, considering how much I don't like kids. But for a man to love babies as much as you do, I have to say that even from a woman who DOES NOT like babies, that is still a turn on!

Stormin - At least being a guy though, you are allowed to think that way without people drawing up horrible conclusions about you.

Vegas - We are so on the same wavelength, exept that you are married and Im not. I wanna be married for AT LEAST five years before I think about kids. I am selfish yes, I want it to be about me and my husband against the world, I believe my husband WILL be my family and I do not need an additional person to make it complete.

Karinaxoxo said...

OMG I totally agree.

I am happy if having babies makes my friends happy - but it is not something I see myself doing for AT LEAST 10 -15 years. I do not like playing with babies. I do not ike babysitting babies. I do not think they are cute.

I know this is way harsh - but I would one day like to open a shopping centre and restaurant where no children are allowed because I think grown ups who do not have children and like to eat their meal children free should have the right to do so.

I actaully think mother (young mothers in particular) are actually just jealous of your freedom which is why they try and imply that you are missing out on something in life because you are not a mum.

I'd rather continue having spontaneous sex with my other half whenever and whereever without having to worry about kids seeing/hearing/walking in

Meg said...

Another thing I'm funny about regarding babies/kids is their overall filthiness. Especially those mobile staph infections they call hands. Occasionally I have had to tend children (as my brother and sister were 8 and 9 years my junior) and if I had to lead them anywhere, I would hold them by their wrists/forearms because I've seen where those fingers go. I don't like the goo that comes out of them either. One of my friends told me I would be a terrible mom, and that should I choose to have children, I should focus on getting a high paying career where I can play Breadwinner, and find a nice man who likes kids (and dogs) and doesn't really want a JOB job and get HIM to raise my children for me while I pay all his bills. Bargain?

When they grow a little older and become more like real people, then I can take over the business of things like teaching to read/write, be polite and doing math and science.

So there's a tentative plan.