Thursday, January 17, 2008

Back to school...back to school...

To prove to Dad I'm not a fool...I've got my lunch, my shoes tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight....Back to school, back to school....

In a couple hours I begin my first class of the school year and I must say I am very excited. A bit nervous, since I haven't been to school in awhile now, but because it's film and all that jazz, I know I'm gonna enjoy learning more about what I love. Plus my ex boyfriend is in my class, so that should be interesting (it's OK, it's the Ex I still talk to, the one in which things ended amicably way back in Grade 11).

Luckily, my virus/bacterial infection is starting to subside so I at least feel I'll be able to handle the orientation. And what's really sweet is that the government has agreed to extend my EI payments while I'm at school. Yup, they are PAYING my living expenses and I never have to pay them back! Why? Because I made a damn good argument why this program WILL get me an awesome job in my DREAM FIELD and also brought up the whole reason that I shouldn't have been fired from my old job in the first place.

Speaking of, I talked to an ex-collegue of mine and it turns out that after I was fired, a lot of people were let go too. Plus, many moved on to other jobs and their positions were never refilled. Seems like the company might be going under which is AWESOME since they never had any idea what they were doing and just wasted money left and right, not to mention they were all a bunch of egotistical assholes. Serves them right, you know.

And what's pretty awesome is, hey, it took awhile, but I finally can say I AM GLAD I WAS FIRED! It enabled me to take some time off, get in the best shape of my life, lose weight (now 12 pounds in total), go to school for something I am good at and have always been interested in AND the government is paying for me to live. Funny how things work out, eh? Just need some patience, faith and time.

In regards to that though, a friend of mine is having relationship problems.

She and her bf have been together for about two years. I know them through my bf and though I don't know them WELL, I do know they are very different people. He is a huge flirt and she puts up with it (better than I would anyway). So, one day she snoops on his Facebook (yes, that was wrong, so obviously there is no trust) and she finds what she didn't want to. Messages between him and his hot collegue regarding the recent work party. They went along the lines of HIM: I so wanted to kiss you last night when we were dancing HOT WORKER: I know me, such a shame we can't, HIM: I know, I just wish...I shouldn't say such things but you looked so hot

And etc.

So naturally she was livid and depressed and in a hard place. Should she tell him she snooped? I suggested no but she did anyway and he wasn't mad that she snooped and just felt really bad.

So things went back to normal.

I'm sorry...but...WHAT? If that was me and I found that, sorry, I know that he didn't CHEAT but he wanted to and emotional cheating is just as bad. Things would not go back to normal. Things would be over, that's how I roll anyway.

But I guess it didn't go back to normal because two weeks ago they broke up. And then got back together again. From his side he feels like he can't act like himself around her because she is so clingy and needy and he just wants to act like the crazy big flirt that he is. He also told her he's not "in love with her" anymore.

Yet, she's still blindly optimistic about them getting through this and getting back together. Last night she asked my bf and I what we thought about the whole thing. She thought that maybe they just needed a break.

Well, I don't know. A break can help but when someone is not in love with you anymore...why would you want to make that work? That's what my Ex said to me and there is nothing you can do to change that except aceppt it.

But she is in denial and just thinks that they will get back together. After all, he should be so lucky because she was really good to him.

Now here is the thing. First of all, I can't work with people who are in denial.

I HAD a friend L whose redneck, sleazy boyfriend J, dumped her at the same time my ex dumped me. Now, I was upset and grieving and she wasn't. In fact, she said she didn't want to "deal" with me until I was no longer upset, hence why she's not my friend anymore. She was just so blindly optimistic that her loser bf would want her back that she didn't feel ANY of her breakup and instead couldn't understand why I was so upset that my bf had dumped me ("people are starving in Africa and you think the whole world ended because you got dumped, get over it!").

Well she had a point. She did set me straight but it made me realize a few things about our "friendship" and how I suppose it really was as shallow as she was. And yes, her bf did want her back eventually and she happily accepted. Good for them...though she never knew that while they were broken up, he kept secretly texting me to get drunk with him and such...I even kept the texts in case I needed it as proof some day, don't ask me why.

Anyway, the point is when you can't admit that your relationship is over, you can't move on and you can't begin the healing process. Which is why I'm not sure what to say to my friend. Do I just agree with her?

Also, I have no doubts she was "good to him." She was probably an awesome gf, as I was an awesome gf. I was so good to my Ex, the only problems I had were that I never felt he truly loved me (and he didn't) and that's why I got insecure and clingy and he pulled away even more. But I was the best gf you could want, believe me. Think of all the desired traits you want a gf to have and I had them in spades. But being the best girlfriend/boyfriend you can be does NOT guarantee you won't get dumped. It won't guarantee the other person won't stop loving you. It doesn't guarantee anything except other guys to go, "what were you thinking dude?" and even that doesn't change anything.

As my awesome bf said to me last night, "Just because you are good TO someone, it doesn't mean you are good FOR them."

And that is so true. My friend is insecure and her "bf" needs a girl who is VERY sure of herself in order to put up with his flirting. I am insecure too but my boyfriend ALWAYS makes me feel loved and wanted and thought of and everything and I NEVER act clingy or feel like I did in my last relationship because he is good to me AND for me.

It's just goes to show. No matter how hard you try at making something work, or try being the best partner you can be, it still comes down to two people being truly compatible. And a little bit of luck.


I just got back from DISNEYLAND, last week (day my dog died, actually), and I made a super post about getting the most out of your Disneyland trip on my other blog so go read it NOW!!!!


M said...

so true about the compatible thing!

Also, with your friend and her emotionally cheating boyfriend. Personally I wouldn't want to go out with someone dumb enough to write shit like that on his facebook. Seriously what an idiot!

Wanderlusting said...

M - mmm, what I should have specified is that this was a personal message between the two...meaning, she knew his password and login and logged on to his Facebook on a hunch. So that was wrong on her behalf...but it would have been MORE wrong if she hadn't found that she had reasons for her suspicions!

Kass said...

Aaaah!! L sounds like a total bioatch! Is that would I think it is?

Farrell said...

Yea - back to school! I just started school again too! Good luck.
Um, I would totally log on to my bf's facebook account IF I had suspicions about what he was doing behind my back. That's why I logged on to my then husband's cell phone account and boy oh boy found out that he was actually cheating on me (as I suspected). This boy WILL cheat on her, I'm sorry to say; it's just a matter of time.
Also, I am totally going to read the Disneyland entry because I am taking Sophie there in May!

Delicieux said...

When it's over, it's over... and sometimes you just have to accept it. Your friend is setting herself up for a huge disappointment down the road. Not only will she have wasted time on the relationship... she'll have to waste even more time getting over him when it finally happens :)

My 2 cents, anyway.

I started reading your blog the other day. You write really well.

Hope you have a good weekend!

The Stormin Mormon said...

She should have walked away. It wouldn't have been easy, but she should have done it.

Dahna said...

Wow. I haven't read your blog for a while. Amazing how much stuff can happen when you are not looking! YOU WERE FIRED!? I'll have to do some more reading. Good on you for doing what you love. It's the only way.

Wanderlusting said...

Kas - my old "friend" Leanne? Yes, that's the tacky bitch.

Farrell - aw that sucks about your ex, I'm sorry. You are right, it is good to trust your instincts on the cheating one. I just have to find the difference between my general distrust of men and actual feelings of suspicion. I am happy to say I have never felt even a twinge of either with my man. With others though...yes. And I was right, as far as what I know.

Delicieux - welcome! I'll be sure to stop by your blog, I love your icon and all things Paris, so I'm sure I'll love you.

Stormin - Should have...hasn't yet. I know I will hear that either they have decided to fully commit or have broken up for good in the next few days. The latter would be for the best, for both parties I think.

Dahna - Oh man, you have lots of reading to do! Thankfully for you, I didnt write too much in my boring unemployed days.