Saturday, January 16, 2010

Maybe I don't love Palm Springs


My parent's dog that they just rescued from a shelter only 9 months ago just died.

In front of our eyes.

She had been sick for days...listless, dazed, with a bloated stomach, vomitting liquid. My parents said she had been like that once before but then got better. So they weren't too worried.

But I was. Finally today I noticed she would wander around the grounds, and lie down in a ditch or a faraway place. I had a bad feeling...it was like she was looking for a place to die.

So even though it is Saturday and the vets were closed, I knew we had to get her to one right away. Originally my parents said they would take her to get checked up on Monday.

But I had a feeling she would be dead by then. So we called the hospital at 340 and they had a cancellation at 4 and could fit us in.

I felt we had to rush. We got there, filled out forms and waited. Muffin just waited by the door, staring at the outside world, the desert air. Me and my mom sat down. Muffin lay down and stared out the door, not facing us.

We talked for maybe a minute then looked over at Muffin. My mom said, "Oh no is she breathing."

She touched Muffin but she didn't move and didn't breathe. She had died right beside us and we didn't even notice. We didnt even get to say goodbye.

I called for help and the vets rushed over, picked her up and took her to the emergency room but it was too late. She had a congestive heart failure caused by the liquids in her abdomen, which was probably caused by cancer. Or heart disease.

The rude vet told us we could have saved her life maybe if we acted sooner and if it was heart disease. But if it was cancer we couldn't have done anything.

I wish I forced my parents to take her to the vet earlier. Maybe they would have saved her.

Muffin was an old dog and she was rescued...she was always sort of strange and probably always sick.

I'm glad she got 9 months of being loved and spoiled. I just wish I could have helped save her. We were so close. So close.

It feels like a bad dream, a nightmare, but its real and it wont go away. My heart hurt so much...not only to just suddenly lose such a lovely, loving dog but that this is the second time it has happened to my parents in two years (ironically Ellie, other dog also died in Palm Springs...what does that mean? She was hit by a car so it's not the same, but why here? WHY?).

And I am so sad for my mom. This little dog gave her so much love. This is so hard.

RIP MUFFIN. You were an angel to us.

32 comments:

Kass said...

What a rude cunt of a vet! Someone's family member has just died, and sure you MIGHT have been able to save her, but that's not something you tell someone that's GRIEVING! God, that's so damn rude.

I've had many animals up and die on me, either from being hit by cars (mostly) or from various ailments. I've also had interim, guardian angels that come into my life at a time when I most need someone to love, and someone to love me. This is generally after the death of a beloved animal that I've had for years (which could be your Ellie). They love big, but never stay long - which sounds like your Muffin. They always touch your heart, and no matter how long they've stayed, they're always missed. I love my guardian angels.

She must have brought so much love and comfort to your Mum at a time when she needed it most. I hope your Mum finds a way of letting another little doggie in, because they are the best source of healing - even if it's hard at first.

I hope you're looking after each other *hugs*

Kayrah said...

What an ignorant prick. That's not something you say to somebody. Ugh, ass.

We just got two puppies for Christmas, and they are already growing like weeds. Sure we get irritated at them when they poo on our carpets and rip up the newspaper that they're SUPPOSED to poo on, but we love them to bits. I'm not looking forward to the day when they are going to die too, but it's something that is expected right?

Remember that Muffin is in a better place and isn't hurting now. I hope your Mom finds some happiness. Sorry for your loss. <3

Vegas Princess said...

People like that should not be in a profession where compassion and sympathy is a must. I would go down there and file a formal complaint because that is just horrible. I ma so sorry for your loss. Losing apet is never easy, no matter what the circumstances. But like you said, Muffin was loved and spoiled for her last remaining months of life and she was able to leave kowing she would be missed. Give your mom a hug from me and I hope some day she can find another furry loved one that needs the perfect home.

Wanderlusting said...

She was a horrible vet - the more I looked into Congestive Heart Failure in dogs though is that there would have been very little that could have been done. She was old and she would have had a poor life with lots of pain and meds even IF we got her to the vet yesterday.

I can only think that muffin wanted to go. I think if she wanted to fight, she would have. But she died without us even noticing...not a sound or whimper. Maybe that's how she wanted to go - maybe she would have rather died silently, with us nearby, and unnoticed than to be on a vet table with strange people all around her, with instrumemnts and what not, all scary and such.

I like to think she chose to die there and then because she just wanted to go peaceful and happy.

It still hurts so much though, I can't stop crying.

Though my dogs have died and my cat, I've never SEEN it happen before my eyes...I can't get over it. I am traumatized.

Erica said...

I am sorry for your loss, Karina. Muffin was in you and your family's lives for a reason. Like you said, she was just a bundle of love, right? I like how you put it, she went peacefully as opposed to being in a scary, cold vet room - that looks like better way to go to heaven. I'll be praying for you guys!

Also, if it's alright, I wanted to ask you if you had any advice for aspiring writers?

daisychain said...

Oh sweetheart, what a dick of a vet.

I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss x

AsianCajuns (Lauren) said...

Oh I'm so sorry for your family's loss! And I cannot believe how rude that vet was to you! What a horrible way to be when you are loosing someone you love. You are right though! Muffin had an extremely wonderful nine months of being doted on by such loving people.

Fashion Court said...

i'm so sorry for your family's loss. at least you gave her some great, loving months in her life. it's never easy :(

Ginny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ginny said...

You would not have been able to save her if you brought her in sooner. If it was her heart she would have had to have surgery on her heart which would cost a fortune and due to her age she probably wouldn't survive the surgery.

I had an aunt who was a vet and worked at a shelter and I also had a cat who went through the same situation and that is what we were told. You can drug them up, put them to sleep or risk heart surgery to maybe extend their life for a few months if they survive.

So please don't think you could have saved her if you brought her in earlier. At least she had nine months of happiness.

myedit said...

Oh sweetie,
This breaks my heart. But as you pointed out, you and your family gave her nine months of love. I also commend your family for adopting an older pet, they get looked over sometimes but they also deserve a good home.
The thing with pets it that they can't tell you how they are feeling, you really did the best you could and all you could.
I hope you feel better soon...

kira said...

*hugs*

Wanderlusting said...

Thanks everyone - your comments and well wishes REALLY really help.

Erica - email me!

Meghan said...

I'm so sorry Karina, I can't imagine your loss. You are your family gave her a great life for the time she was with you.

Cafe Fashionista said...

The ignorance and gall of some people is truly astounding. I am shocked that someone in the professional field would be so insensitive to the pain you and your family were, and are, feeling. My heart goes out to you. RIP Muffin. :(

Alice said...

oh, i'm so sorry. the first time i found myself in a vet's office with the choice of "surgery, or he may just die within the next 24 hours anyway" i was shocked by how hard it hit me. sure, they're "just pets," but they're obviously so much more than that.

i'm so happy muffin had such a wonderful final stop living with your mom, and a peaceful death surrounded by family that loved her.

markus said...

Hey! It could have been worse....Imagine if your parents had left open the sliding glass door and Muffin slipped out .....Later stumbling into the family pool.

Kristin said...

Ohhhhhhhh, I'm so sorry. Some doctors' bedside manner just amaze me.

Hillary said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are with your mom so you can be there for each other.

sierra said...

What a horrible thing for all of you to have to endure. I'm thinking of you all and grateful that you gave her such a loving home. I'm sorry you had to see her in pain.

Eyeliah said...

oh, so sorry.

STARR said...

That is so terrible. I'm really sorry that you had to watch your dog die like that. But you're right, at least she was cared for in the end.

lilyqiu said...

I am so sorry for you lost! that vet has no heart and have no right to say what he said.

i understand the pain, my beloved dog died last thanksgiving, he was with us for 6 years. he had heart problems for three. it's been a couple of months, and it still hurts, i still can't bring myself to look at his pictures. it just hurts too much. but i do know all that will pass. and you will be o.k

Hugs

smrithi rao said...

i know the feeling of loosing a beloved dog .i am so sorry for your loss
2cupsofteaandacoffee.blogspot.com

Glitter Scrubs said...

aww Muffin :( I am so sorry to hear about her!

I remember reading the post about Ellie awhile back and bawling my eyes out by the end of it. I love animals so much and any sad story about them breaks my heart and turns my face into a river.

It's amazing how something so small and furry can bring so much love and peacefulness into your life and leave so much heartache when it's their time to go.

I'm certain she knew how much she was loved. I can sure see it in your pics with her :)

Maddy said...

Sorry to hear about Muffin :( I adopted a dog a couple of years ago from my local shelter and she died only few months later in the same fashion.Even though I only had her for a short while, it was a great loss.

Glad to see that she was able to touch your lives in the short time she was with you.

pretty*pink*rat said...

I'm so sorry! But at least she went with you and your mom, like you said, and not surrounded by people she didn't know, and apparently a mean one at that!

You did the best you could, and she had lots of love. *Hugs*

issa said...

oh nooooo how sad and what a horrid vet! :( our newest pup was adopted from the spca.. and it was just so hard not to take more home with us.

MissNeira said...

Aw that is so sad and terrible, losing a dog is like losing a family member. I feel so sorry for your mum!

My dog had diabetes..went blind and then passed away, it was so hard on my grandmother since she had her for over 15 years..it is so sad

Lubushoes said...

Karina...
How horrible of the vet.
And yes, you are right... congestive heart failure in dogs is NOT treatable. My first dog had a heart murmur and had a life of 'low fat, no salt, no walks.. no stress play'. Seriously, we would toss a ball right AT him so he didn't have to run after the ball'. He only made it 4 years - but I know he had a good life for those 4 years. The day we put him down - he had passed out right in front of me. He was already on 3 medications (one we actually got from the people pharmacy). What I'm trying to say is that vet was an ASS! When I took my dog to the vet that morning... the vet tech told me "we are busy - we'll put your dog in a kennel and get to him when we can". Well, thru tears and some well placed F bombs (in an office full of people) we saw the vet in about 30 seconds. And yes, I did write them a letter. Today, 11 years later... my 2nd dog has a heart murmur. He is 11 years old and the vet has said "we don't know how long he will be around - just love him as you do".

I'm so happy Muffin had a loving home for the last 9 months.

I know each little fur baby holds a special place in our hearts - we got our 2nd dog... less than 48 hours after the first one died. I know part of my reason here - is to save as many puppies (without being the crazy dog lady) as humanly possible. If your mom and dad can handle it - let them know there are pound puppies out there just WAITING to fill their hearts with joy. Just like Muffin did.

believablegiraffe said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Muffin. That's just terrible, and I thought she was the cutest little dog. My thoughts are with you and your family!

Love,
Jordan

Holly @ ArtistMotherTeacher.com said...

I'm so sorry about your loss. As you know, I've been coping with my own loss these past couple of weeks and I just hadn't made the time to let you know that I was thinking of you.

Hugs.