Do you know who reads your blog?

I thought I did. Until I got an email from Inside Edition.

Seems they were doing some research on David Copperfield and that whole lotta mess he's in and somehow stumbled across my little old blog post I made back in January.

They rang me up and I gave a quick interview over the phone, basically going over what I wrote in my blog (and jogging the memory a bit since it has been awhile since the event).

Then, deciding I was "newsworthy" enough, they told me that they were flying up their reporter/producer Daela up from LA tomorrow to film an interview with me.

I'm sorry....what?

Yeah. Exactly. What? Flying up a reporter to come and film me? Little ol' me? Me who just happened to have a pretty interesting experience at a Copperfield show and who then blogged about it (as I do with everything) is worth all this fuss?

Apparently so. Daela came up from LA to do the interview and I was a pile of nerves and wondering what the hell happened to my life so suddenly to warrant a camera crew following me down the street. It was pretty surreal, almost like the time I was on stage with Jessica Simpson as her lookalike!

Anyhoo, I'm not going to go into too much detail at this moment because I know Inside Edition is probably reading this (hi guys!) and it wouldn't be fair to disclose too much of my experience until the show actually airs (might be this Friday, but I will let you fellow readers know so keep watching this space). Also, my blog is going to be featured ON the program so I want to make sure my posts are, uh, well...kosher.

Funny how life works out. One minute you are unemployed and uninspired and the next you have cheques coming in the mail and you're gonna be on International TV!

Who ever said blogging didn't pay off?? :P

I confess...

All righty, how about something heavy to start the week? I'm actually in a very bubbly, buoyant and fluffy mood today which makes writing something kind of poignant a bit more less devastating, so onwards with the show!

Here is somethings you probably know about me:

*I am very monogamous

*I have zero tolerance towards cheaters (however, that's not to say that if it happened ONCE in a marriage, it can't be something you can work out - I know there are always expectations)

*I am very vocal at my disgust towards the act of cheating and don't understand why monogamy is so damn hard for some people

*I would never, ever, in a million years cheat on my current boyfriend. I don't even look at other men anymore (indeed I snarl at them if they come near) because I only have eyes for him

HOWEVER....

There is something about me that you do not know.

And that is, I, Ms. How Dare You Cheat, am a bit of a hypocrite....for I, once upon a time, have cheated on a boyfriend.

These are the circumstances in which it happened (and yeah, they could be seen as "excuses" but there really is no excuse because when it's wrong, it's wrong):

*I was on vacation when it happened

*I was in a very bad, stressed emotional state

*I was wasted out of my tree

*I was not feeling sexually desired by my boyfriend

*I felt safe with the guy I was with and he made it obvious that he DID desire me

*My relationship was getting boring

*I had been cheated on before a few times and what I did could amount to my own brand of vengence and karma against the cheating men of the world, especially since my then bf was a cheater himself

*I didn't sleep with the guy but it came close with all sorts of nakedness and such (I decided - even in my drunk state - I couldn't quite go that far)


So...it happened. And although all of the above is what lead to it happening, it still is no excuse. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I did it anyway. Did it mean that my relationship with my boyfriend wasn't as strong as I thought? Heck yes it meant that and a lot of other things as well.

That's not to say I didn't feel terrible about it. I moaned to my mother but all she said is "Well, you're not married so who cares?" which is apparently the standard mother response, followed by "that's his karma."

But yeah, I felt REALLY terrible and low and guilty for about 3 days and then I turned the experience around. I took what I did and applied it to my life...it made me realize that I cared a lot more for my bf than I had thought (when you realize how close you could be to losing someone), it made me realize how unhappy I was in many aspects of my relationship and, most of all, it made me realize that I am not perfect. I am human and can do many, many of the despicable things that I have always frowned against.


As you can guess though, I am still adamant against cheating. I would never do it again (I have much more respect for my love now), I would never tolerate it against me....but I am glad that it happened. I learned my lesson, got that blunder over and done with....and I don't regret a thing.

We make mistakes and we learn from them. I am grateful that I learned from mine.




Whew, glad to get that off my chest ;)

Manic Musings

*Sometimes I want to shoot apartment living in the face. My sleep is very precious to me (and I am cursed with being a very light sleeper - it's like my body takes any opportunity to stay awake) and nothing pisses me off more than when I can hear my neighbours. For example, the studio next to mine has always been dead quiet...that is until a month ago when suddenly, at midnight, I could hear their TV blaring through the walls, as clear as a whistle. In fact, I could go stand in the kitchen and still make out everything they were saying, so you can imagine how bad it was by my pillow, where it seems they are aiming their TV.

Anyway, I figured most of the sound was coming from the vents so I stuffed a blanket down there to somewhat muffle the noise. Only problem is that muffling it doesn't quite stop it, so I had to write a note to my neighbour about it. It was vaguely threatening mainly because I wrote it in the morning in the throes of a bad night's sleep.

I have to say it worked. Now when he plays the tv it's fairly quiet (though I'm not ready to remove the blanket from the heater....even though it means I can't turn on the heat in my apartment) and I can rest easy.

Sorta.

Then there is the IDIOT above me. I fucking want to blow the moron's brains out. He's always smoking out of his window, dribbling ash down on mine and talking very loudly on his phone. At night he stomps through the apartment and repeatedly drops what sounds like bowling balls. If the hockey game is on, he'll have a friend or too over, open his window and proceed to yell out of it.

Last night, after the fifth bowling ball went astray and it sounded like he was hopping after it on one heavy shoed leg, I had enough. I turned into that neighbour from Friends. I didn't have a broom handy though, and the Swifer sweeper only made pathetic whacks against my ceiling so I picked up my guitar and started hurtling it upwards. The paint from the ceiling rained down on me but I didn't care. If you interrupt my sleep, I will make it my mission to destroy you. In fact, I get more angry and She-Hulkish than I do when driving which says a lot.



*I've been jogging every week day in an effort to slim down before Halloween and in general, just lose my out-of-shapeness. Last Friday was absolutely gorgeous, a warm, sunny and vibrant fall day. On my way back from my jog I stopped at a bench overlooking the calm blue ocean and just had some time alone with my thoughts - or lack of.

Of course, this doesn't prevent some fucking moron on a bike to swoop past and yell, "Look at you, so lonely."

WTF?

Why is it that I can never fucking sit somewhere and just think without having some sorry excuse for a man make some patronizing comment. Why the fuck can't you men just leave me alone? Just because a woman is sitting alone it is not a sign for you to A) make some belittling comment on how lonely I must be JUST BECAUSE I'm not fucking surrounded by moronic men like yourself or B) hit on me, cuz you know, if a woman is alone it MUST mean she's looking for male attention. YAAAARG!



* In other news, I think I may be losing my mind. I went for lunch with my father the other day. After too much Sake, I headed back to my car. OK, it probably wouldn't have been that wise for me to drive but it didn't matter anyway because I couldn't find my car keys. Turned out they were locked in the car.

Yup. Just sitting there in the ignition.

This is the 3rd time I have done this since July and the oddest thing is that my keys do make a beeping sound if you leave them in the ignition, so I don't really understand. I must be pulling them out of the ignition just slightly and leaving them there but I have no idea why.

So after putting my billionth call into BCAA and waiting an hour before the guy came over and jimmied my door open, I decided to go to my car's dealership and get an extra key made. This would ensure that no matter what, I could always get into my car.

I tucked the spare key in my wallet and off I went to my boyfriend's house.

The next morning, as he was leaving for work, I once again noticed I couldn't find my keys.

I walked over to my car and looked in. Sure enough, my keys were once again in the ignition.

At that point I just grabbed my head and wailed. Surely, I am losing my mind. Not to mention that later that day, I lost my debit card.

What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really going mental? Do I have early alzheimers? Do I need to eat more salmon or something? Do I need to see a doctor?

Or is this just me and something I have to get used to?

Sigh.

A Walking Contradiction

As I was sitting down to a delicious pumpkin pie (and ice cream) being served at my boyfriend's parents house this Thanksgiving weekend, a thought entered my head.

I don't care much for ice cream.

I relayed this information to my bf and his family and was met with faces of shock.

How can you not like ice cream?

Well, I continued, I don't know. It might have something to do with the digestive reprocussions that usually follow but I just don't really ever feel like having ice cream. I don't like cake either.

How can you not like cake?????

Well, it's just too dry and the frosting is just too sweet. However, I LOVE ice cream cake!

Again, I was met with shocked faces. How can you dislike cake and ice cream but love ice cream cake?

I don't know, that's just the way it is. I'm an oxymoron in many ways.

I'm just glad I didn't follow that up with another example: I LOVE giving head but don't care to recieve it.

That probably wouldn't have been very well "recieved" at the dinner table.




Question to you is: what do you do that makes YOU an Oxymoron?

Weekend Topic

As you all know, I had been having trouble with my old birth control pills. After ten years on Ortho-Tri-Cyclen, it just wasn't doing it's "job" anymore, which is kinda scary. So, I switched to a monophasic kind that gave me terrible mood swings and anger problems....but on the plus side, it has revved up my sex drive (which really didn't need to be revved up in the first place but I digress).

Now, two weeks into the new pill, my moods are better (short temper is sadly inherited from my father) as I think my body as adjusted to the new hormones. The sex drive is still in high gear, which is actually REALLY annoying. Shit, now I know what all you high school guys went through. I'm clawing the air here and my poor boyfriend gets physically attacked when he walks in the door. Not that being the sexual agressor is new to me in relationships but this time I am really putting the AGGRESSIVE RAAAAAR! in it.

Anyhoo, for the last few days I was worried I was pregnant. Mainly because I thought if my last pill wasn't working as it should, then who knows. Plus my stomach felt bigger, more bloated, my boobs were bigger....OK so I probably just gained weight (stupid beer) but that didn't stop me from being paranoid all week.

Last night though - to spare you from graphic detail - I kinda of got a minor touch of a sign that I wasn't pregnant. So I breathed a sigh of relief and went "yaaaaay!" (not pregnant) and then went"boooo!" (in case this meant I was getting my period-boo). I don't know if it's like that with other women, but everytime I get it I have mixed feelings that like :P

So I told the bf this and he got all quiet. He told me that if I am worried about things like that, that I should tell him, even if I think it's nothing. He doesn't want me to worry by myself and does not want to be one of those guys who think it's the women's job to worry about birth control - after all, he said, we both are having sex.

That got me thinking.... do you think birth control should be a shared thing? Does anyone actually split the cost of their birth control (like pills) with their partner? Does their partner have any input when it comes to different forms and what not?

AND - for you women out there - if the birth control pill for a man became available (they are working on one that causes a "dry" ejaculation which sounds terrible - but less messy ;) - would you trust a man to take it? I know a lot of women would jump at the chance to have men go through this and be responsible but frankly...I don't know if I could do it.

What's new?

*Last week's depression has finally lifted and I think it is safe to say that it is NOT the pills that were making me mental. I think I was just genuinely down because of the circumstances and writhing in my own self-pity (which is a terribly selfish place to be). That said, this week I feel fine, back to my old, happy, loved up self which is a major relief.

*One of which reasons is probably because I finally have a plan. Finding a job is proving to be impossible because there are no jobs in my field or which I am ideally suited for AND if there are, they pay like 10-12$ and hour which is absolute horseshit. It angers me that employers think they can get away with paying university educated people so little...I mean, what was the point of paying all that money for school then? THAT ASIDE, I have a plan:

There is a program through UBC which deals with the admin side of film. The course is from Jan to April, the classes sounde absolutely wonderful (I don't know if "The Candian Film Finance System" and "Entertainment Law" sound like good classes to you, but for me they are to die for) AND they get you a two-week internship with a production company or whatever and job-search workshops. I am very excited and going to attend the info session next week so I will let you know how that goes, of course.

So my plan is, if I get accepted and I like it, I will either live off of EI (providing I recieve it) and be bored out of my tree or do temp work until Dec when I jet off to Palm Springs for Xmas. If I don't like the school or if I don't get it...well, I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Worst case scenario, I will look into getting a headhunter. And not the scary, tribal version....

*My boyfriend moved out! Yippee! He now has a 2-bedroom flat with his best friend J (the other friend with the bitchy gf bailed) in an awesome part of town (in the city, close to downtown). The place is roomy, clean and I can tell the bf is super excited about it. Plus, being a 12 min drive from my place ain't too shabby either. Speaking of the bf, things are going wonderful...today is our three-month anniversary (yah, yah, it's early, WE KNOW!) and was invited to have Thanksgiving dinner with the family (yeah, in Canada we have it in October for some dumb ass reason) and to go to Maui with them in February. Sweetness.

*I went out for dinner with a good friend of mine. He has this psycho gf, they've been on and off for years and this year made it "committed." Then they ended up moving in together, which I always thought was dangerous but hey what do I know. Except that the woman truly is psycho, I think I am the only female friend of his that she allows (she is bad enough to make him sign on to msn and make him BLOCK women that she thinks he shouldn't talk to). Anyway, things aren't working out, obviously, but I was a bit suprised when he told me today that they had agreed to break up on October 1st. Today being the 1st, it has been pushed back to November but I was still like WTF? You have set a date, together, on which you will break up? Apparently they decided that November 1st they will both move out and break up. Is that not the weirdest thing you have ever heard? Or does this happen more often than I think?


*In the spirit of nostalgia, I was reading some old diaries of mine from high school. I will get along to posting some of them, but I noticed a pattern here.

All of my Ex_boyfriends (except for ONE) have all been mental.

I'm dead serious.

Looking back over the years, I was suddenly reminded of this. I've had ones that accused me of being in love a guy just because of a compliment I made, locked in my parent's old bedroom because he thought I was sleeping with my neighbour (ew, no) just because my neighbour dropped by to say hello. I've been yelled at in public because I went for coffee with a guy friend. Two of them cyber-stalked me in an increasingly obsessive manner. One cheated on me more times than I dare think, broke up with me once because I was being "quiet," one had a creppy fondness for medieval weapons, one never liked me to mix with "his" friends EVER.

Out of the five serious boyfriends I had in the past, only one was/is remotely normal and who I can look back on with...well, really with a sense of "meh" and mediocre goodwill, no hard feelings, he was a good guy, etc, but that's better than one of disgust when you realize how pathetic the person you thought you knew really was.

So the question that I got was, what the hell is it about these guys that I end up being attracted to? I mean, yeah, one or two I kinda knew they were nuts to begin with, but the others I didn't really know UNTIL they became my exes. Is there some kind of hidden mental illness that I sunconciously pick up on and go "oooh this seems like fun?" Cuz it's not fun! I guess you never really know someone until after you break up, but looking back at my high school diaries I can see that in many cases I DID know all this and yet I put up with it. Sigh.

Thankfully my current bf is normal..well, in a sense. He is a bit of silly goof sometimes, more odd than textbook normal perhaps...yet I love the goofy bastard anyway. Besides, I would take funny sillyness over scary mental issues any day. You would have to be VERY silly to put up with a crazy idiot like me ;P