All righty, how about something heavy to start the week? I'm actually in a very bubbly, buoyant and fluffy mood today which makes writing something kind of poignant a bit more less devastating, so onwards with the show!
Here is somethings you probably know about me:
*I am very monogamous
*I have zero tolerance towards cheaters (however, that's not to say that if it happened ONCE in a marriage, it can't be something you can work out - I know there are always expectations)
*I am very vocal at my disgust towards the act of cheating and don't understand why monogamy is so damn hard for some people
*I would never, ever, in a million years cheat on my current boyfriend. I don't even look at other men anymore (indeed I snarl at them if they come near) because I only have eyes for him
There is something about me that you do not know.
And that is, I, Ms. How Dare You Cheat, am a bit of a hypocrite....for I, once upon a time, have cheated on a boyfriend.
These are the circumstances in which it happened (and yeah, they could be seen as "excuses" but there really is no excuse because when it's wrong, it's wrong):
*I was on vacation when it happened
*I was in a very bad, stressed emotional state
*I was wasted out of my tree
*I was not feeling sexually desired by my boyfriend
*I felt safe with the guy I was with and he made it obvious that he DID desire me
*My relationship was getting boring
*I had been cheated on before a few times and what I did could amount to my own brand of vengence and karma against the cheating men of the world, especially since my then bf was a cheater himself
*I didn't sleep with the guy but it came close with all sorts of nakedness and such (I decided - even in my drunk state - I couldn't quite go that far)
So...it happened. And although all of the above is what lead to it happening, it still is no excuse. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I did it anyway. Did it mean that my relationship with my boyfriend wasn't as strong as I thought? Heck yes it meant that and a lot of other things as well.
That's not to say I didn't feel terrible about it. I moaned to my mother but all she said is "Well, you're not married so who cares?" which is apparently the standard mother response, followed by "that's his karma."
But yeah, I felt REALLY terrible and low and guilty for about 3 days and then I turned the experience around. I took what I did and applied it to my life...it made me realize that I cared a lot more for my bf than I had thought (when you realize how close you could be to losing someone), it made me realize how unhappy I was in many aspects of my relationship and, most of all, it made me realize that I am not perfect. I am human and can do many, many of the despicable things that I have always frowned against.
As you can guess though, I am still adamant against cheating. I would never do it again (I have much more respect for my love now), I would never tolerate it against me....but I am glad that it happened. I learned my lesson, got that blunder over and done with....and I don't regret a thing.
We make mistakes and we learn from them. I am grateful that I learned from mine.
Whew, glad to get that off my chest ;)