Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Two Weeks Later

Well folks, so much has happened in the last two weeks, some good, some bad. Mainly good though and the bad isn't so bad (just involves my usual travel mishaps and fiascos ala THIS). Most importantly though, my trip to Italy gave me time to think, reflect and relax and I couldn't feel better about being home and starting new. But because I have so much to tell you, I will just do it in short little increments, one day at the time.

Today I will start with Mishap #1.

Yesterday I got up bright and early in the muggy Rome heat and made my way with my huge and extremely heavy backpack to the train station. You see...I bought a lot of clothes and shoes in Rome (as you do, or as I do anyway) and I was straining under the weight. To make matters better (ish) I wore a dress I bought and these heavy combat-ish boots (though of the elegant quality). Yes it was WAY to hot for the 30 degree morning but it was better I wear my heaviest items than pack them.

Do I need to tell you that I have never gone backpacking with a dress before?

Hard to believe considering but true. And thus I did not understand the hazards of wearing a backpack with a dress.

After boarding the Leonardo Da Vinci Express for the the airport, I sat daintly on my backpack, careful to not give anyone a peepshow of my leopard print thong underwear. I am a lady, you see.

When the train arrived at the airport, I hopped off and strode purposefully through the crowd of people, towards my gate. Now there is a fair bit of walking involved, including a few trips on the moving walkway. But I wanted to get to check in on time, so I went forward with force. I must have been walking for about 10 minutes or so, passing people left and right and leaving them in my wake when three giggly American girls passed by me.

"Scuzi?" said one. I turned to her cautiously and seeing that I was not Italian, she said, "Excuse me?"

"Yes" I said, still walking forward.

"We just had to tell you but the back of your dress is hiked up. It's caught in your backpack."

My heart froze. "Hiked up all the way?"

"Yes. All the way."

I think I muttered thanks, or shit or something. The girls ran off towards their gate, laughing their heads off (despite that, I am so grateful that SOMEONE had the nerve to tell me).

So yeah. I had just spent 10 minutes walking through the airport with my bare ass and leopard print thong out for all to see, passing by hundreds and hundreds of people.

To make matters worse, I have a mutilated, red mosquito bite the size of Spain on my ass and my ass has expanded over the last two weeks due to overeating pasta and wine.

And that, my friends, was my last minute on Italy soil.

18 comments:

Dan said...

Wish I could have been there to see that. I'm sure I would have been torn between being a better guy and telling you and being just a guy and soaking the view all in.

Welcome back. Can't wait to read more. After all, I have time now. Lot's of time.

About Me said...

My dear, my morning mocha was coming up and out through my nose as I read this. Travel mishaps and being a lady, my heart goes out to you, but you probably made many a young man's day.

It's a great story. Cheers and welcome back.

Sean said...

totally made my day. i love that rather than hide from your embarrassment and trying to repress such memories, you share them with us.

lenfercestlesautres said...

I've never backpacked with a dress either. So good thing you're telling this story.

I'm amazed though that in a country as hot-blooded as Italy, as a blonde (and god knows Italians love blondes), nobody walked up to you to make a dirty joke.

M said...

haha, well at least you made a lasting impression?! Welcome back, glad you had the time to think things through.

Adjil said...

You know what they say: "When in Rome.."

:-)

Peter DeWolf said...

Now THAT is how you leave an impression on a country.

Welcome back!

Indiana said...

Now thats a travel snap I would like to see...complete with red mozzie bite.

Farfallina - Roam 2 Rome said...

Oh no!!

Well, hope the rest of beautiful Italy gave you more to think and thank rather than these "memorable" last few seconds in Rome :)

Vegas Princess said...

I bet you made a bunch of Italian men's day right there!

Tawcan said...

Hahaha that made my day. You didn't suspect anything when all of a sudden bunch Italian men started walking behind you? :p

Wondering Woman said...

Hey you're just ahead of the crowd. See....

http://www.tvshark.com/photo/?n=Britney+Spears+Short+Dress&c=5&m=17&l=0

simon said...

Hey! don't forget your other blog! we want to hear more about Italy!

( . )( . ) said...

Oh my lordddy you must have gone red! I would have been mortified. Maybe your butt just needed the attnetion and its not going to flash itself any more?

I will make a mental note NEVER to wear a dress with a backpack!!

Memphis Steve said...

I know it's embarrassing, but at least you look good. I have no doubt everyone who saw you was admiring what they saw.

Wanderlusting said...

To those who have left nice comments about my ass... You have never seen it! Don't assume it's nice!

OK, well it is the one body part (aside from boobies) that I tolerate and don't loathe to death and yes all my boyfriends can't seem to keep their hands off it BUT it's a different story when you've gained 8 pounds, are puffy and bloated, blotchy and have a mozzie bite that looks like leprosy! Those poor Italians...

halfmanhalfbeer said...

Okay okay, funny post but sorry: useless with pictures!

Alain Saffel said...

I saw that kind of thing once before. When I was in college years ago, a girl came out of the washroom in the library with her dress in her pantyhose. Someone else pointed it out to her before I could.

If you were wearing a kilt, that would not happen of course, unless you were wearing pantyhose with it...but then, that would be just plain weird. :)