Two Weeks Later

Well folks, so much has happened in the last two weeks, some good, some bad. Mainly good though and the bad isn't so bad (just involves my usual travel mishaps and fiascos ala THIS). Most importantly though, my trip to Italy gave me time to think, reflect and relax and I couldn't feel better about being home and starting new. But because I have so much to tell you, I will just do it in short little increments, one day at the time.

Today I will start with Mishap #1.

Yesterday I got up bright and early in the muggy Rome heat and made my way with my huge and extremely heavy backpack to the train station. You see...I bought a lot of clothes and shoes in Rome (as you do, or as I do anyway) and I was straining under the weight. To make matters better (ish) I wore a dress I bought and these heavy combat-ish boots (though of the elegant quality). Yes it was WAY to hot for the 30 degree morning but it was better I wear my heaviest items than pack them.

Do I need to tell you that I have never gone backpacking with a dress before?

Hard to believe considering but true. And thus I did not understand the hazards of wearing a backpack with a dress.

After boarding the Leonardo Da Vinci Express for the the airport, I sat daintly on my backpack, careful to not give anyone a peepshow of my leopard print thong underwear. I am a lady, you see.

When the train arrived at the airport, I hopped off and strode purposefully through the crowd of people, towards my gate. Now there is a fair bit of walking involved, including a few trips on the moving walkway. But I wanted to get to check in on time, so I went forward with force. I must have been walking for about 10 minutes or so, passing people left and right and leaving them in my wake when three giggly American girls passed by me.

"Scuzi?" said one. I turned to her cautiously and seeing that I was not Italian, she said, "Excuse me?"

"Yes" I said, still walking forward.

"We just had to tell you but the back of your dress is hiked up. It's caught in your backpack."

My heart froze. "Hiked up all the way?"

"Yes. All the way."

I think I muttered thanks, or shit or something. The girls ran off towards their gate, laughing their heads off (despite that, I am so grateful that SOMEONE had the nerve to tell me).

So yeah. I had just spent 10 minutes walking through the airport with my bare ass and leopard print thong out for all to see, passing by hundreds and hundreds of people.

To make matters worse, I have a mutilated, red mosquito bite the size of Spain on my ass and my ass has expanded over the last two weeks due to overeating pasta and wine.

And that, my friends, was my last minute on Italy soil.