Tuesday, March 25, 2008

You're so vain?

I am not sure if you all had read my last blog post or not, but basically I talked about how I was born with the physical birth defect of having club feet. The way my feet are and look have been a cross to bear my whole entire life and it is only now that I am coming to terms with it.

Which is why I thought "Kiki"s comment on my last post was a bit...callous:

"To be honest, everything you have mentioned here cannot be classified as 'flaws;' but rather display a much greater flaw: Vanity"

I am actually amazed that someone would take my honest and heartfelt post about a BIRTH DEFECT and try and turn it against me. To try and make me feel even worse about myself and point out the fact that I have GREATER flaws than my feet. What's next? Making fun of the mentally disabled for worrying that they aren't smart enough?

Notice I said TRY, though.

Because a careless remark like that does not shed anymore light on me than it does on the person that left it.

Am I vain? FUCK YES I AM!

But I am vain for many different reasons and NOT my feet. Vanity to me implies worry about something that doesn't always need worry. Believe me, I worry about many a thing that probably doesn't deserve it.

For example, a person who thinks her profile is ugly and is always inspecting it in passing reflections may be considered vain. Is she wrong? A bad person? No, not at all, because we are ALL vain at heart. But her profile probably doesn't affect her daily life. It probably doesn't physically stop her from doing things, doesn't cause people to stare and hasn't caused her grief her whole life (btw I think my profile is awesome...though I'm sure that's vain too).

Now lets say this girl was born with an abnormaly large nose...a profile that would make people stop and stare, or perhaps she doesn't even have a nose.

Now she has a valid reason to be worried, to be "vain" if you will. But suddenly, THAT has become her biggest flaw?

The fact that I have had peers be so cruel to me over the grotesque appearance of my feet that I have had to switch schools? The fact that various gym teachers have tried to humiliate me over the fact that I can't do certain sports, that I run a certain way? Until you have been in my supportive shoes, you can't possibly begin to understand where my "vanity" comes from.

I could go on and on, but the point of my post is that I have finally accepted the state of my feet, and by doing that, the state of myself.

The "vanity" that may seem to come with it is worth it and I will never view it as a flaw. I have 26 years behind me of caring how I measure up to others, but I am done now. Your comment, Kiki, whether you meant it as inconsiderate as it sounds or were going for something different (and obviously missed the mark with me) is no different from the comments I recieved from heartless 13-year old brats who made fun of my disability, and I am proud to say I am done caring about what anyone else thinks about my so-called "flaws."

PS - Now since the comment was left following other comments that were supportive and happy for my coming-to-terms with my problem, I have taken the comment to be condescending and patronizing. I really don't see how I can take it any other way. I'm not usually one to get defensive but when it comes to something dear to me, and this is about as close as it gets, then I'm gonna stand-up for myself. I don't care who you are.



(My feet in their internet debut. This isn't easy for me when I have tried to hide them my whole life, but it's kinda liberating to put them out there and say, yup I'm far from perfect, like it or lump it)

27 comments:

Coffee in Kits said...

There are two options here:
1. Kiki hates high heeled shoes
2. Kiki is a guy

I'm with yah girl!

( . )( . ) said...

I'll be perfectly honest with you, I dont know how I would handle having feet like yours. I have a shoe fetish and have HUNDREDS of shoes. Not being able to wear them would cripple me!

You have every right to feel the way you feel about your feet. I have similar issues just with other parts of my body, they are my issues, and I dont feel bad just because other people have it worse off then me. Everyone is vain to different degrees, and kudos to those people who arent, but for the rest of us living in the real world, raising by society today, how can we not be vain?

I say be vain and be proud!! And snap up a pair of this louboutins right away, they are hawt!!

Odette said...

Hey let's face it there are people in this world with the social skills of a cockroach and clearly Kiki is one of them. It is not for anyone to judge how anyone else feels about themselves. I personally commend you for having the ability to be open and frank with the blogging world about yourself and your own percieved flaws. I have always thought that you are a beautiful person regardless of anything you yourself percieve as being flawed so boo to people like Kiki who try to belittle other people's issues! GO you and your new quest to better yourself, I know from my own experience that dealing with our own deamons is the hardest part!

Wee-H said...

Accepting ones ‘flaws’ is the first step (I apologise for the pun) in accepting oneself. We all have things we are not happy about (I for one have never reached 5 foot) and worry over to the point that we could consider our obsession ‘vanity’.

However, we must remember that the things we often see as flaws are things other people (unlike Kiki) see as our attractions. For example, you must know about your walk from those that have pointed out its sexiness to you. For me, my height takes a good five years off me and for a person who is going grey very quickly, this is no bad thing.

Im glad to see you are moving forward with accepting your ‘flaw’ as it’s taken me nearly 30 years to accept mine. In the end, a little self acceptance and learning to deal with the negativity that this acceptance can bring is no bad thing. Kiki could well learn to do some of this himself.

WiscoBlonde said...

Oh love, your feet aren't going to stop the secret girl crush I have on you anytime soon!

:)

ashley said...

Good for you! Some people want to tear others down- I think it's just heartless.

Farrell said...

While I probably would have wanted to respond to kiki's comment the same way if i were you, next time I would not give her the satisfaction of knowing you devoted an entire post based on her snap judgment of you when clearly she doesn't actually know you.

Coconut said...

I can't stand people that make rude judgments on someone's blog. It's your blog, you can say and feel whatever you want, and if Kiki doesn't like it, he doesn't have to read it.

I like your Homer Simpson slippers :O)

Delicieux said...

It bothers me that Kiki is confusing confidence and sincerity with such a derogatory and accusing word.

Perhaps she's unhappy with her life... jealous of your confidence, boyfriend, career path, or some other bullshit that's not worth it.

Apparently her parents skipped the "if you can't say anything nice..." lesson and went straight on the inconsiderate asshole route. (Maybe THEY were the ones that dinged my car!)

Ugh. So rude, so rude.

To clarify, confidence does not equal vanity.

confidence: noun
1. freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities

vanity: noun
1. feelings of excessive pride

Kiki - you should check the dictionary next time before you judge someone. Unbelieveable.

Wanderlusting said...

Wow guys. Thanks for your support. I wasn't sure if I was overeacting or not but most of you hit the nail on the head.

(.)(.), I'm glad for your honesty. It is very tough to not be able to wear dazzling, stiletto shoes! I love shoes!

Wee-H - Thank you :) I'm pretty sure I've met you and I don't remember you being "wee" so I guess it's usually the personality we remember (if you have a good one).

And yes, Farell, devoting a post may be what they wanted - and had it been any OTHER insult about me, then I wouldn't have (cuz I've been down this road before). But NO ONE has the right to question my views about my feet. That's when I do have to say something...

And Delicieux, I think you got what I was trying to say...has he checked a dictionary lately?

And yes...I SAID HE.

Because Kiki is a guy. Which may explain a lot.

A jazz poet from Melbourne, whom I have actually seen on other people's blog, and who usually doesn't seem to come across so thoughtless. At least, I never noticed him.

And the thing is...the first part of the sentence could have been a good comment - maybe he would have gone on to tell me that I just percieve them as flaws when they make me who I am and therefore embrace them.

But the last part? Totally unwarranted and adding insult to injury. Now if that wasn't this man's intention, I'm not sure what was (other than to make himself look morally superior and make me look like some shallow chick).

Next time, how about YOU don't go around telling people their flaws, and keep it yourself.

Harumph!! :P

Todd said...

I don't want to point out something obvious, but your left foot looks just like Homer Simpson. You might want to get that looked at ;)

Other then that, you're gorgeous!

Kass said...

Yay feet! Your feet and scars have made you the person you are today, and that can't be such a bad thing right? :) I could've done without the bullies and the horrible nasty children in the playground, but really, who would I have been today if I hadn't had that? What if in not having that, I myself was a bully?!?

So yeah, I'm pleased that you're embracing your feet. They're actually pretty cute in my book. They kind of look like doll feet. if that makes sense..lol

Coffee in Kits said...

Haha, I was right! Option 2! Kiki is a GUY; no wonder!
Let him throw his little fit and shove the pacifier back in...

DCchick said...

if people weren't vain, plastic surgeons would practically be out of a job.

and your feet aren't ugly. If anything it looks like you went through a lot of pain and my scars are having sympathy pains :)

almost famous kiwi said...

Argh Im so proud of you for putting those pictures up there, you have come a long way in accepting yourself since ive known you. Whoever this kiki person is screw them, they dont know you and a cleary jealous. If kiki is a girl she is obviously waaaaay jealous and probably the most vain person around (we seem to reflect our own flaws onto other people to make ourselves feel better) If Kiki is a guy he's obviously had a sudden grasp on the reality that he could never get a hot girl like you and has resorted to petty childish bullying. anyways, you're beautiful inside and out! We're all vain in some way, its hard not to be all about appearances in a world like this!

As for kiki, go find yourself a friend and get a hug and try and release the years of pent up anger, hopefully that will stop you attacking people you don't know.

almost famous kiwi said...

HAHAHA Kikis an aussie...idiot! sorry but as a kiwi i reserve the right to say this cos Aussies tend to walk around with the worlds biggest egos....isnt that right kiki...mate

Sipwine said...

Wow, you have the same sort of blogging problems I do! I wonder if people actually think before they comment??
I always try to add something when I comment, not subtract.

Sipwine said...

Ps. You are beautiful and I see nothing wrong with your feet.

:)

Steph said...

Oh Kiki, I've had many a stoush with him and have come to the conclusion that when he attempts a bitchslap on a female blogger it means he's got a CRUSH.
Just like the little boy at school who would punch you in the arm and run away.

Your feet work, they hold you up and carry you around, and I think they look fine!
Get them hot shoes on and strut like a motherfucker!!!!!

P.S Almostfamouskiwi- you call us egotistical like it's a bad thing!!!
Boooo to you!! :P

kiki said...

"maybe he would have gone on to tell me that I just percieve them as flaws when they make me who I am and therefore embrace them."

you do perceive them as flaws, but i figure most people wouldn't.

that's where i was heading
all this abuse is totally unwarrented and, as steph may vouch, i'm not a bad dude.


i'm also a very happy person in a loving and caring relationship with a beautiful girl

i see that you, too, are in such a relationship and i'm guessing your boyfriend couldn't care less about the appearance of your feet...

do you get where i'm coming from?
cause that's where i was the whole time...

as for everyone else, i couldn't care less what a heartless bastard you think i am, so you can leave me alone please. thanks in advance.

Rachel said...

wow, what an amazing strong character you have. i'm glad you've been so honest and heartfelt with the internet, and i think you're a strong, beautiful person! (inside and out)

almost famous kiwi said...

dear kiki, is that an apology? Kinda pathetic. If you didnt mean to imply that my friend is a vain person then why dont you say "Sorry, didnt mean what I wrote" You cant pull people down and then expect everyone who cares for that person to ignore it. You may have a beautiful girlfriend and I commend you for that but perhaps you should try call her vain and see how she reacts.

Miss-Informed said...

You seem a beautiful girl and bravo putting pics of your feet out there. Way to overcome some old baggage! I liked your toe nail polish:)

Wanderlusting said...

Thanks for your kind words, peeps.

As for Kiki, I'm also not sure if that was an apology or not - pretty sure it wasn't. You seem to be doing alot of backtracking because what you said you meant was somehow misinterpreted by me and 20 other people.

The fact is, you still called me vain (which DOES mean having "feelings of excessive pride") for having insecurities about my disability and you can debate that all you want or try and make everyone else look like idiots for not "getting" what you "really meant," but it still stands. It's nice that you felt the need to defend yourself (and expected - when someone is called on bullshit, rarely will they let it go) but that sentence is pretty hard to argue against.

Bridget Jones said...

Great post and am totally with ya. Judgemental comments/actions say much more about the maker than their target. None of it good, either!!

Vegas Princess said...

You are beautiful inside and out and don't let anyone tell you different. I formly believe all of our difference are what makes us special and how we deal with those differences makes us incredible and you, my dear, are pheonominal and so brave. I am proud to have you as a blogger freind and only wish to be half as incredible as you.

Have the T-Shirt said...

Here's what I think about feet.

Ick. Period.

That would be all feet.

Any feet.

I just hate feet.

But yours are no more icky to me than any other feet are.

I applaud you for posting pics!

I was born with a skin disease called vitiligo. I have white spots here and there and yonder on my skin. Not terribly attractive, and yet, it's me...unique, different....abnormal.

It's never easy being different, just ask Kermit, but those of us who were born with visible abnormalities learned young how NOT to be vain.