Things that are NOT ok to say...

1. "Smile, it's not that bad."

AAARRRRGGGGGGGGG!

I hate, HATE being told this one.

Listen buddy, I don't care if you think that I look a little down while waiting to cross the street, or perhaps I looked pissed off as I wait in line or maybe my face is just completely blank as I wait for a cab.

What gives you the right to tell me to smile? Ever think that possibly, just possibly, that when I am thinking or waiting or whatever, my face might take on a different look. Perhaps I look perplexed or maybe my face just looks all frowny when I am trying to sort something out.

Should I walk around all day with a smile on my face? Because frankly I think that would only make me look insane. I actually saw a young lady strolling down the street the other day, grinning to the high heavens and all I could think was how freaking plastered she must be.

So, next time you see a girl filling up her gas tank with a scowly look on her face, don't think it's OK to say to her: "Cheer up, it can't all be that bad."

I just paid an arm and leg for gas. Of course it's that bad!


2. "You look tired."

Fuck. Me.

I can't stand it when people say this to me.

Is this an acceptable, polite way to say "you look like crap"?

Because that's what I hear when you say it. I mean, let's face it, my eyes are puffy, I have indigo circles etched under my eyes, my skin has a pasty palor.

You don't think I know I look tired? Of course I know, why do you think I just spent 10 extra minutes on my makeup this morning trying to mask it up!

I look tired? Well, you always look like shite, at least I can cure mine with a good night's sleep.


3. "Wow, you have really small feet"

My feet are size 6. Sometimes I can wear 7, sometimes I can fit into a 5 1/2. They are small. I know there are small.

You don't need to tell me they are small. I walk on them each day. I buy shoes...many, many shoes.

So what if they are small? What is wrong with having small feet? They are more or less proportioned to my height. I can buy shoes from the kid's section sometimes.

After all, I'm not commenting on your giant elephant feet.


4. "Your hair is so fine/dry/damaged/unruly/wild/fill in blank."

Thanks. I'm glad you pointed that out to me. Otherwise I would have never known.


5. "It's whom, not who."

I can't stand it when people correct my grammar. Plain and simple.

I went to journalism school. Heck, I even remember grammar class in elementary school. I know what a verb is and what a noun is. I know what adjectives are. I do have an appreciation for all these rules but at the same time....fuck the rules!

I rebel against grammar!

I know it's vital and important for work and professionally related writing. But other than that, such as in this blog or in my diary or taking down notes or sending casual emails, I don't care.

I know when to use whom not who (and to quote Monica from Friends: "Sometimes it's 'who!'"). I know I spell certain words wrong and I get my whole "I before E except after C" thing mixed up." I know, according to Canadian Press Style Books, what words are capitalized, where the periods go and that I should balk against Oxford commas. But on the whole I am just not too picky or anal about it and it ticks me off that the anal and picky people (and I have a few of them in my life) have to use me as a some kind of punching bag.

People need not to point out my grammatical tragedies to me, I am fully aware of them. I'm not idiot. I just don't care.


6. "You don't need to lose weight."

OK, sometimes people really are being honest and kind when they say this.

And I can completely understand it if I was sitting around moaning, "I'm faaaaaaat" and just waiting for someone to compliment me.

I don't want compliments. I vent because I'm frustrated. It's not like I complain about how hard it is to lose weight, just so someone can say "you don't need to lose weight." Do they think I am just going say, "I don't? Oh, OK well, jogging was too hard anyway."

I know I don't neeeeeeeed to lose weight. I am not doing because I have to for my job or my health. I am doing it because I want to, for purely cosmetic reasons. I feel I need to lose weight and that is that. No amount of convincing that I look fine is going to change my mind until I am happy with myself.

And I'm especially of wary of people (ie, other women) telling me not to because they don't want me to get thin because then I would be too threatening or something.

That said, I do appreciate when people say nice things because they honestly believe so. But when I am talking about so hard it is to lose weight and how hard I am trying, I don't need discouragement, I need encouragement!


7. "Eat a burger, you are soooo skinny."

Obviously, I have never had this said to me. But I know that people do say this, commenting on how sickly thin someone is, like the person is supposed to take it in a good way. Most of the time, the person doesn't have an eating disorder (unlike the obvious - hello, Nicole Richie) and the person is just thinly built with a very high metabolism. I've probably said this myself to someone on the gangly side, but I know why I did...I was most likely envious. Therefore, I believe that most of the time when people make disparaging comments about someone's thin frame, they are jealous. And sometimes just genuinely concerned for the person's health.

But that said, it's not like saying "You have an awesome body, you are so thin." Instead it's said in a negative way. And there just is no need for negative comments, whether you are fat or skinny.


8. "That's really flattering on you."

My colleuge* brought this up to me and I have to agree. When I'm wearing a dress and someone says, "that really flatters your figure," I kind of cringe.

Does my body need flattery? Does it look unflattering most of the time? Isn't this just a nice way of saying, "You don't look as fat as usual"?


9. "You're soooo burnt."

I am? Oh, would you look at that! I am bright red, my skin is flaking and radiating heat like an inferno. I was wondering what was wrong with me.

Talk about pointing out the obvious. People, the burned person in question knows that they are burnt. They know they overdid it in the sun. They know they should have put on more sunscreen. They know they stand out like a lobster walking in the snow.

Your remark with the cringing expression on your face does not help.


10. "You were so drunk last night."

Am I the only one who gets embarrassed when they hear this? Even maybe a little ashamed?

That phrase is usually followed by:

"No really man, you were sooooo wasted. You were fucked up."

Again, if I was that drunk last night, you don't think I know that? Hello, I'm probably suffering through a mother of a hangover today.

So what if I was drunk? What's the big deal? Why is that a bad thing? Unless I drove drunk or puked in a cab or made out with your brother or lost my passport or started table dancing and stripped down to my undies or gave a mortifying speech at someone's wedding....who cares?


All right. Well, those are my two cents. Or ten cents as it is.

What do people say that drives you nuts?


*I realize that I spelt colleague wrong (Thanks. Dan.) but to fix it would mean that I am going back on #5