Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Feminine Guys = faithful partners?

There was a study done recently by some British scientists at the University of St. Andrews, which found that women are drawn to more "feminine" looking guys when it comes to long-term love.

Apparently, "Men with square jaws, larger noses and smaller eyes were classed as significantly more dominant, less faithful, worse parents and as having less warm personalities.
Those with finer facial features, fuller lips, wide eyes and thinner, more curved eyebrows on the other hand were viewed as a better bet for long-term relationships."

Now, I actually found this to be quite interesting, mainly because I think it's true. However, what I don't know is whether more feminine looking guys really ARE better as long-term mates or if women just think that they are.

Looking back at the guys I have dated...well, yeah, a lot of them looked very feminine. There was the guy who wore makeup and vinyl pants and made out with guys, and the guy who had very pretty eyelashes and liked to wear tight shirts.

Both of these men, though, turned out to be absolute nutters AND jerks and were definitely not around for the long haul. They might have also been a bit gay.

Now that I think of it.

But I do seem some merit in this study and of course I think it comes down to stereotyping (something we all do). We see the studly men and perhaps dream about them but at the same time, we know they are no good. These are the men who sleep around, have too much testostorone, act like dumb brutes. Sooner or later, we learn to look past looks and see the real potential underneath. Which might explain why I spent the early half of my twenties lusting after Russel Crowe and my later half...well, I'm not there yet.

What I think it really comes down to, for me, is realizing that you just want "the nice guy." And perhaps, more often than not, the nice guy is not the stud.

Take my ex, for example. He was a nice guy - well, not that nice, considering the way things ended but all in all is a genuinely good, sincere and faithful person. I often have to remind myself of this since it ended so badly but that aside, it's still true. He was also, uh, not a stud. Not feminine looking either, although he was very pretty and looked nice in a skirt (sorry, kilt).

My boyfriend now is also not what you would call a "stud"...although he does have a nice bum...and an amazing smile....and is so damn cute, I just want to - ARRRG! Lost my train of thought.

Anyway the point is, he may not be some beefy, muscley jock dude with Hilary Swank's jaw, but he is a "nice guy," the kinda of nice guy that got overlooked in the past by shallow or naive girls who just want what they've been told to want. Luckily, in the end, it's the nice guy (whether he be feminine looking or not) that smart girls want.... proving that they don't always finish last.

So what do you think? Is there any truth to this? Do you (as women) really believe the nice, feminine-looking guys to be a safe bet? Are they more often than not? Would you feel safer in a relationship with the Mac Guy (Justin Long) or with David Beckham?

Actually, ignore the David Beckham question. It's fairy redundant.

I mean, fairly redundant. But I'll just keep that Freudian slip in there.


Farfallina - Roam 2 Rome said...

I used to go by this! Last two years I dated 3 doctors who all 3 looked a little bit "mild" let's just say that.. nerds! what a better adjective! Argh... this feminine guys=faithful partners is not true!

Maybe it was their "god" aura about them that led them to screw up so bad...

I've found faithfulness and sweetness with a huge Norwegian Viking :) :) :) Go Norway!!!

Meg said...

Hi there,

I stumbled upon your blog accidentally when I searched for 'Hamburger Mary's' on the internet to get the address (and laughed at your report on the waiter Will, btw) and have been reading and enjoying. Well done!

That said, I must say that I have always been attracted to the more.... effeminate guys. They haven't always been kinder, more thoughtful, etc. I am afraid. In fact, one of these men turned out to be the most hurtful human being I've ever met. That being said, I still go for them....

Of course this thing with guys could just be a Vancouver thing. I'm moving to Halifax for uni this month, and when I went there for my entrance exam, I noticed the menfolk were much kinder than the cold fish I meet out here. I was once told that men in Vancouver (and HERE come the SWEEPING GENERALIZATIONS AGAIN! ;-)) are crueler to women because they all "think they can do better". Had something to do with a disproportionately high number of above-average-in-attractiveness women that screws over girls who "don't look a certain way".

But then other folks say that not everyone's looking for the same thing. A girl can't win either way, can she?

Anyway, great blog, I'll keep reading after I move away for school to keep up on what's down at home and try not to get too homesick.


lenfercestlesautres said...

Sorry if I put it like this... But I think this feminine guys are the nicer ones thing is a load of crap.

Nice guys are boring. Their niceties are sickening to me. And what's especially annoying is that they expect all the same niceties from me.
Feminine-looking guys are, well, too feminine. I want my guys masculine. I want a low voice, I want square jaws and large noses. I want to see their beards and chest hair (awwww and that little trail down the belly! ... sorry... where was I?). Hell, let them be and look dominant. That doesn't mean they'll treat you like shit. That doesn't mean they'll not be honest with you. That doesn't mean they'll not be reliable boyfriends. Seriously.

Sorry for the rant ;)

Peter DeWolf said...

Wanderlusty: Very interesting. I am not sure that I agree. Though now I have to go to the bathroom mirror to check how manly I look. Or don't.

meg: We Nova Scotian men are AWESOME. :)

Wombat said...

I'd like to stick a pin into Posh Beckham. Or make her eat a big plate of eggs benedict.

That's my Freudian slip of the day.

Farrell said...

it's pointless to generalize like this, just as it is pointless to say ALL ugly chicks are sweethearts and all pretty girls are bitches. You can find supportive and disproving evidence for all cases if you ask enough people.
I will say, however, that I have noticed one trend (having spent countless hours bartending, i.e. people-watching): you are MUCH more likely to see a gorgeous girl with an "average" (or even below average) guy than you are to see a HOTTIE dude with an unattractive chick.
I don't know if that means that women are less superficial than men, that we have lower self-esteem, or that we are gold-diggers...

Sipwine said...

I'm dating a guy who doesn't look feminine at all. And he might be the first I can put in that category. Odd. I wonder if I've given up on long-term love.

Neily said...

I would have to agree but I will add a hint of disagreeance in there for good measure and ill explain why.

Never judge a book by its cover.

Although hard, we do all stereotype, like you do and this 'study' did. With that said, I agree with the study.

lol. I think that makes sense? hmmm...

(ps - im not stoned...or drunk)

Wanderlusting said...

Farfallina - Personally, I think Doctors are overrated. They totally know they are the cream of the crap to so many women so it's kinda of like they get this arrogant persona about them. That's my theory anyway. I actually don't know any doctors.

Meg - Totally agree about Vancouver guys. There are SO many hot girls in Vancouver, guys are TOTAL snobs.

If I go to a club, I NEVER get hit on, probably because there are so many easy, slutty, fake-tittied girls out there.

I must point out though, that I've heard that the girls here are JUST as hard to talk to.

Len - I don;t think nice guys are boring at all. Actually this will be my next post because what I actually think is the guys that are NICE and BORING are the ones that you have ZERO chemistry with.

I've met some jerks who were boring too. Comes down to no zip and za za zing.

I have no doubt that manly men can be sweethearts, I've just never dated one. But I have dated "feminine" guys who were ASSHOLES, so yeah.

Peter - always plugging the East Coast ;)

Wombat - well done! I want eggs benny now...

Farrell - Good point. I agree, many people think I am a bitch because of the way I look and I'm the furthest thing from a bitch...sometimes. And I agree that you are more likely to see a good-looking woman with an average guy than the other way around. Why, I have no idea...

Sipwine - Really? Not feminine? Isn't his name NOT GAY? lol

Neily - I do stereotype, mainly because more often than not, stereotypes are there for a reason. But I do agree, don't judge a book by it's cover. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt at first, unfortunately, some just have to work harder at it, just as being a young, blonde female, I have to work hard at proving that I am smart.

toby said...

Ha ha! Excellent post. And since everybody here hates medics, it doesn't matter what I say..... but while I'm here..... any chance you might spare 5 minutes to read my short story? And maybe even vote for it?

No. Oh well, no harm asking.

Sipwine said...

To be fair.. some of the most gorgeous guys you see are ones you immediately go, "Oh he's single? He must be gay."

Those usually aren't the feminine type ;)

Wanderlusting said...

You know what though, I don't know what the study means by feminine.

In my books, a feminine guy is like, 'orlando bloom' or 'johnny depp' or some hot guy like that who is just not like some beefy muscle head. Cuz those guys are gorgeous and feminine in a good way...

Meg said...

"you are MUCH more likely to see a gorgeous girl with an "average" (or even below average) guy than you are to see a HOTTIE dude with an unattractive chick."

I noticed that when I was working Saturday nights at the video store, back when I was a young thing. In the rare event that a hottie would come up with an average/not conventionally pretty/slightly overweight/just name it girl, I would be all "!!!!" and out of sorts because someone's f-ing with my stereotyping and sweeping generalizations. But out of three years in that job, I only saw it twice. I've also been rejected by average looking men who aren't much more good looking in comparison to me because I didn't look good enough to make him look good in front of his little wanker buddies.
I think it happens to every girl. But seriously, I NEVER get male attention. The only time I did was when I was on holiday in London, and it was probably because I stood out with my North American accent. But you know what? I'm not BAD looking... I have my things I'd like to change about myself like my belly which never goes away no matter how much weight I lose, or my giant hulking upper arms. But yeah. I just chalked all this up to guys being far more shallow than women. Doesn't mean there aren't any good ones out there, it just means that they get scooped up early if you're not quick on the draw...

In response to Sipwine, I always think "Oh, he's being nice to me.... must (1) be gay, or (2) not be from around here.

Wanderlusting said...

See, I find that it's the nice guys who WILL give you the chance because they are so used to being looked over for one reason or another.

But yeah, I have made a post about this before (don't know where or when), and the general consensus from men and women was that women need more than looks to be attracted to a guy, whereas a guy doesn't. Sad, but true.

Meg said...

I had that hunch for years. Good to know I'm RIGHT, rather than simply bitter. :-D

Funnily enough, I have a male friend telling me that I'm too "picky" when it comes to choosing a suitable man, and that I need to "lower my standards".. These are the words he will use. Personally, I don't think it's unreasonable to hold out for someone I'm attracted to AND enjoy the company of. I'd prefer to be single and alone than be with someone I'm not entirely happy with and WANTING to be with, rather than with someone so I don't have to be alone.

That said, this guy's happily married so he must have done something right.

Wanderlusting said...

Meg - OMG, are we the same person?

That is EXACTLY why I was single for many many years. Not willing to settle for the sake of being someone.

It took a pretty "special" guy to finally win me over (and not special in the Special Olympics kinda way).

After we broke up, I was fully prepared to be single for a LONG time again. I just happen to luck out again on a terrific guy, whom I would be stupid to turn down.

Otherwise, I would happily be on my own.

Meg said...

I've been single now for just over two years, though it must be stated that the man I was with was so disingenuous and uncaring that it might as well have been five.

Right now, my biggest distress in life is the fact that (1) my big comfy bed is going into storage in 2 weeks and (2) I'm going to have to give up my true calling in life (living by myself and warping the fabric of space & time with the capacity for my slobbiness) to live with roommates for a year until I can get my own place in Nova Scotia (I committed to a lease to ensure I wouldn't arrive homeless).

All this Single Time has allowed me to ponder exactly what I require and what I can let slide in a partner. But like you said, guys in Vancouver are snobs and it sometimes takes a while to get them off their "good behaviour" to find out who they are, if they even give you a chance in the first place. Some won't, and some are too scared to bother.

And starting on THAT, who wants a man who's too scared to talk to you? I understand being shy (and I babble like a moron when I get flustered, so I can't be one to judge) but if he likes you enough, he should EVENTUALLY come up to you and let you know.

Yeah I know: I'm a dreamer.

The Stormin Mormon said...


So the guy who made out with guys wasn't feminine in features, he was gay.


I think that women don't go for men with any certain physical feature any more than another (maybe fitness, now that I think about it). Different women are attracted to different men, and the same goes for men with women.

The one thing that I think is neat about that study is that they went with "long term relationships" as their qualifier. If it had been "dating," I would expect that Beckham would have been at the top of the list for a distinct majority. Who wants to brag about dating Justin Long (well, if he weren't famous and all that)?

Mister Underhill said...

It's because of testosterone levels.

Higher testosterone is mores exually attractive to women, but when seeking a lifetime mate they seek out guys with more feminine characteristics.

almost famous kiwi said...

well lets take me for example...there was Joey, tall dark handsome and athletic...also a mummy's boy...and a complete loser who couldn't even dump me face to face and chose to do it over the phone...whilst sulking in the soaking field outside my house.

And now there's Alex, who usually gets asked for his id where ever we go, isn't the stongest or the manliest of men, and is shorter than me if i wear any kind of heel. But not only is he the only man in my life who has calmed me and loved me regardless of my many many issues, he's also faithful and stronger than anyone I've ever met!

So in response i have to agree, those manly men are trouble. Stay away from the McSteamy men girls, go for the McDreamy!

Vegas Princess said...

I dated a bunch of guys that would be classified as "studs" and never really clicked with them. The ones that were more sensative and even brainy were the ones I stuck around for. And the classic point to this is the fact I married a guy who doesn't give a lick about sports...unless poker is considered a sport.

Just to clarify, I reread this comment and realised it kinda makes me sound like a serial dater and a bit of a floozey. I really didn't date THAT many men. Really.