A dress cooking on the stove

I've been laid off for a week now.

Guess what I've done with myself:


A) Did schoolwork



B) Looked for new jobs


C) Started writing my novel



D) Drove around town, ripping my hair out and throwing a hissy fit at the inability to find the perfect Halloween costume since the one I ordered isn't coming in on time.

The answer is A.



Ha. Just kidding. The answer is D, of course.

First of all, let's get one thing straight:

I love Halloween. I love it like the smuggled wine I am drinking, like the buttered popcorn I just popped in the microwave.

It's my favourite time of year. I've never not had a Halloween. Even in NZ where it's not really celebrated, and where I've had TWO Halloweens, I still dressed up (as Rogue from Xmen and Marilyn Monroe, respectively). Sure I got weird looks, but I didn't care (though it was weird having Halloween on a balmy, Spring night...).

Growing up, I would have the most awesome Halloween parties complete with a haunted house in the garage. I even trick or treated until I was 15 (and only stopped because no one believed I was 10 anymore and I wasn't metablozing candy as well).

So, of course, this year I jumped in on the action of getting an orginal costume. After hemming and hawing over Selene from Underworld, I decided the blue contacts were too pricey and that I should go for something different. Low and behold I saw a costume on Ebay for Phoenix (Xmen) and soon I was bidding. All I had to do next was get the red wig. I was a bit iffy about having to wear a spandex suit (I don't really have the body to pull off the skintight look), but I made piece with it. The nicest part was that Ross decided to go as Wolverine. I'd never done a coupley thing before (then again, never really had a bf on Halloween...oh, except for my Ex, who went as ME) and I was excited.

Then I got the email. Yesterday. They hadn't shipped the suit yet. I wasn't going to get it for Halloween.

FUCKING BASTARDS.

I paid for it THREE WEEKS ago, but thanks to Ebay, I can't even complain about it because if I give negative feedback to that twat in Shaghai, she'll do the same to me. But seriously, I paid for the fast shipping, I asked if it would be here this week and everything was promised. Now, I find out I'll have a Phoenix costume...in a few weeks. What bloody use is that? Maybe for dress up (wink) but still....ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

So, you can understand I'm in a bit of a predicament. Especially since my bloody WIG hasn't even arrived yet. I'm hoping by Friday, the night of the party I'm having, but ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

This is when I had to think, if I do get the wig in time...what the hell am I going to be? What the hell requires a red wig? AND is a movie character, since I like to keep to that theme.

I spent last night musing about it and feeling sick. Then this morning, it hit me:

Ah ha! Ariel, The Little Mermaid. So I drove about, trying to find a mermaid costume. No such luck, but I did buy enough crap to make my own mermaid costume.

So I tried it on. I realized that I was squeamish about spandex and yet with Ariel I had to walk around in a BRA??? Who was I kidding? I'm not Giselle. I can't wear a bra in public, even if it is purple and covered in seashells.

The thought of my flabby gut being bared for all the world to see while stick-thin girls tramped around in slutty fairy costumes, made me rethink the whole mermaid idea. Damn you Ariel! Why are you such a slutty mermaid!?

Then I realized that this purple, tight ass prom dress I had bought earlier from a thrift store for $2 would be perfect for another red head....Jessica Rabbit.

Hmmmm. Yes. Jessica...red wig....purple dress...NO WAIT. Her gloves are purple, her dress is red.

No problem, I thought. I can get red dye.

Hours later, I was back at home with a purple prom dress cooking in a stock pot full of bubbling red dye. Notice I say purple still, because the FREAKIN dye did not work, even though it says it would dye acetate.

The world is full of lies.

So, here I am. Running out of time, money and options. I can't even find my backup costume, which is Kill Bill. Sigh.

What the hell am I going to do?

*Probably going to get red fabric paint and paint the dress red. But if that doesn't work, I'm screwed once more. SO if anyone has any ideas to do with a movie/tv character that either has red hair, blonde hair or a strapless purple dress, I would looooove your suggestions. Maybe even Lindsay Lohan (redhead) OR Jessica Simpson (blonde), though I don't know what I could wear that would suggest either of the two (and please do not suggest short daisy duke cut-offs...or a pink bikini). Booo, and my popcorn is burnt*