Anniversary Antics

It was me and Ross's one-year anniversary on Friday.

You know what that means...gifts, dinner and the whole shebang. Only it didn't exactly go as planned.

Where I had been plotting over what to get him for it for awhile now (I'm a girl and that's what we do), it kind of snuck up on him. To be fair, he does work so it's not like he had the chance to run around and buy me things. And well, all last week I was at his place, so it's not like he could have done it around me. He did say that we could go out and I could pick out a present but I balked at the idea. An anniversary present should at least be something special and something personal.

Regardless though, he scrambled at the last minute to do something. Even if it didn't entirely work out as he would have liked.

I got a call early on Friday morning but decided to not answer because A) it costs me money to answer during the day B) the phone was across the room and C) I wanted to sleep. I also had a splitting headache - which is rare for me - which started last night and despite the copious amounts of coffee and tylenol, it wasn't going away.

Still, I eventually got up, went for an hour long walk and came back. I saw that I had more messages and missed calls on my phone. Finally I caved and listened to it.

The first one: "Hi this is Natures Wonder and we have flowers waiting here to be delivered to you but don't have the right address. Please call us back."

My first thought was, awww Ross got me flowers. Then I thought, why the hell would they call me and ruin the surprise? And then my final thought was, why did Ross get my address wrong?

Then the next message (in a VERY heavy Russian accent): "Hi this is Vladmir, I am driver of flowers, I have for you and am driving around, can not find your place. Please call otherwise you get no flowers!"

Now I wasn't prepared to deal with an angry Russian who was holding my flowers hostage so I called up Nature's Wonders who proceeded to tell me that the flowers were originally sent to New Westminster and whomever ordered the flowers got everything wrong. They then went on to say that the flowers would get to me today....at some point.

Not miffed but annoyed at how complicated flowery delivery was, I called up Ross and told him I knew what his present was. He in turn got angry because A) the flowers were meant to be a surprise and B) he didn't get the address wrong. He had the confirmation right in front of him. Of course, I told him that it was the thought that counted and I was no expecting flowers at all so it was still a suprise. But I can tell how badly he wanted it to be special.

I mean, the whole point of flowers wasn't that he got them for me but that it was going to be a surprise. Your buzzer rings and there is a man waiting outside with flowers for you. Surprise!

Not getting angry messages from a crazy, rude Russian and having the delivery company tell you to stay put all day because flowers are coming your way. In this high-tech day and age, how come they still cant give you estimated delivery times for freakin' flowers? So I stayed inside all day like a hostage, even had to take a shower with the door open in case the buzzer rang, only to have them finally arrive at 5PM. About 30 minutes before Ross was due to show.

Now it still was a bit of surprise since not only was it a dozen red and white roses in a nice vase but an arrangement of fancy, gigantic, heart-shaped balloons that had "I Love You" splashed all over them.

For a moment, as the scruffy young man (not Russian) handed them to me, I did feel like a little schoolgirl in love. Then, as he bruskly shoved the vase in my hands, he said "As you can see there is no water in the vase. There was water, but it's now all over the back of the van."

He gave me a look that suggested somehow that was my fault. I couldn't wait to shut the door on his face. Again, going with the whole surprise and romance of the whole flower delivery game, couldn't they have at least hired drivers that weren't going to threaten you in Russian or admonish you? Ross is going to write the company a nasty letter and see if we can get some free flowers out of it.

Perhaps that triggered the headache, perhaps it was the corset I was wearing which was cutting off circulation, I don't know. But it came on in full force. Enough that I had to take another couple of Tylenols.

Soon Ross showed up and seeing me all dressed up for our dinner out and holding my head in pain he went down to the drugstore for the strongest pain meds he could get...and a Red Bull since I was worn out from it all.

He came back and I took two coedine/caffeine/Tylenol caplets, downed with Red Bull and waited to feel better. It didn't take long and soon the pain was gone and I was able to appreciate his other present. A poem he had written about the start of our relationship, imposed on black and white photos of us both. The perfect anniversary present: Romantic, Orginal and Personal. It made me melt a little inside, especially since I could see how much time went into it.

With me feeling better, we made our way down to the Macaroni Grill, which is where the second part of our anniversary went wrong.

See, previous pills, Coedine and Red Bull don't really mix. I realized that as soon as we walked in the restaurant and the walls started to spin around. It was enough that I had to loosen the ties on the back of my corset and try to get my breath.

Then I did further damage by ordering wine. Pretty soon I was stoned out of my tree and bent over the table at a crazy angle, trying to eat my soup only to find my mouth was having difficulties with it.

"Try this soup!" I shoved the spoon in his face. Ross reluctantly took a slurp and said, "It's good."

"No. Not the taste. Doesn't it taste like it should be thicker?" I pleaded. "Isn't the shape of the spoon too shallow? It feels too small for my mouth! I'm having trouble swallowing. Why does it feel so weird? Have I forgotten how to eat soup? I'd feel better if I could chew it."

It was at this point that Ross gently took my hand and told me everything was going to be OK.

The rest of our evening continued on like that. I was freaking out over spoons and soup and spinning walls and too-tight corsets. Ross drank more beer.

Then a prolonged discussion/debate about religion, weight issues and self-esteem continued until 5 AM.

It was actually a fitting way of ending the night...I think one of the reasons why we get on so damn well is our ability to challenge each other...even (or especially) when drugged up or drunk.

Did I mention the third mistake of our anniversary?

While I had bought Ross a digital camera (since he's never had one and I figured it would be a great way for him to document our relationships as well as other things like his cat), I also had half of his birthday present which I was thinking of giving him early (his 28th bday is on Tuesday).

So I presented him with another present, one that will most likely end our one-year relationship*.

I bought him the coveted Battlefield 2142 PC game and Official Game Guide.

He's playing it right now.

Girls, here's a tip: If you are want to get your man a great present, don't get him a video game. Even if he's hinted at it and his face lights up with child-like glee at the mere mention of sniper rifles, battle walkers and enemy forces, just don't do it. You'll never see him again.

Sigh.

I'm starting to rethink his Valentine's Day present**.


* I kid. It truly has been the best year of my life and I'm glad that I've found someone who can roll with the punches with me, even if flowers aren't a surprise and I can't eat soup properly.

** I still kid. I've rigged it so I can play too.