Bored

Not just an awesome Deftone's song.

I find myself frequently bored, which I partly enjoy because I take great pleasure in doing absolutely nothing. But somedays I am more bored than others - odd considering there are times when I've found stuff to amuse myself with before.

I read a recent article and it had noted that 70% of the time (OK I made that statistic up, but it's supposed to be most of the time) when you are bored it is because you are avoiding doing something.

Hmmmm. Let's see. Right now I should clean my apartment. Put my dishes away and do new dishes. Put the pile of clothes away from my Saturday wardrobe freak out. Print out the employment contract for the video game company. Walk to the store and fax it. I have a stack of interview questions to go over before the interview, to prepare myself. I have keys I should mail to my ex-work. I have my mortgage person I need to call to set up an appointment. I need to order cheques from the bank. Maybe I should start writing again. And I really want a half-caf iced soy latte from Starbucks.

Yet, I'm bored, which is why I'm writing this post.

I have to say, that article couldn't BE more right! I'm bored because I'm avoiding all the stuff that I have to do.


SO...what are YOU avoiding doing??

I'm a woman, I'm allowed to change my mind

Call me fickle, call me wishy-washy, it's all true.

I've decided to accept the video game job.

Yes, yes, I know everything I said in the last post but things have changed since the last post. Such as...

The job was offered to me this morning - well, it would have been yesterday but I was successfully avoiding any calls from them.

Anyway, I would have said no off the bat, however I learned two new, important things about the job:

1) My pay is about 5k higher than I expected

2) I still get two weeks vacation

Yes, the main flaw is the fact that this is a temporary position and I really do not want to be back here in the jobless world come December 19th (though taking a LONG extended Xmas break WOULD be nice), plus there are no benefits.

However, they said there would be immediate benefits, stock options, performance bonuses if my contract was extended - plus, the extra 5k would totally pay for any medical, health stuff in the meantime ANYWAY.

OK, so that's the story with that. I have until June 12th to fax in the contract - the day of my film job interview - I am thinking about faxing it in at about 5PM, AFTER my interview, just in case. If I am offered the film job that day then I don't even have to bother accepting the vid game one.

Regardless, the good news is that once I sign it, the contract stipulates that I have until June 16th (monday) to terminate the contract without cause (oddly enough, so do they).

Which means that if I find out by Friday evening about the film job, I can either break the contract without consequences or stay on with the job (depending how the film job goes of course - and I think if THEY don't know by Friday, I'll just stick with the vid game job regardless).

And remember how I had a NEW number two choice for jobs, the online travel picture thingy?

Well. I had that interview today. Oh boy.

Reasons why I am definitely not pursuing THAT job?

1) Interviewer kept stressing about "stress." How well do I handle stress, how other people handle stress, how everyone is always stressed and some people cry cuz they can't handle it and some smoke 20 cigaretes a day. Mmmm. Sounds like fun, when do I start?

2) All the fun atmosphere and go-karting and keggers? GONE. Everything on their website needs to be updated and they are staying AWAY from the youthful, fun atmosphere.

3) 70% of the employees are new - they basically fired everyone 6 months ago and are redoing everything.

4) There will be no training and will be expected to know everything off the bat (at least they are honest). Did I mention the stress? I hope so, cuz she sure did.

5) I will have to go through three more interviews after this one - program head, CEO and then the team. No idea what kind of team. Baseball team?

6) I will have to fill out a 20 page booklet on my career history - what did I like about this job? What about the manager? What did I like, didn't like about them. FOR EVERY JOB I HAVE EVER HAD.

7) Which seems like a lot of work for a job that would pay me only 34K...

8) And for a job whose benefits ONLY kick in after the SIX month probation, in which they made it very clear they could easily terminate me without cause.

9) And the kicker? They need TEN references!!!! TEN!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't even had ten jobs in my whole life! I mean, what the hell? And they all have to be from work only and all have to be managers or clients (no co-workers) and they are going to grill each manager about all my strengths and weaknesses.

I can't believe that after such a long and drawnout processes - four interviews, paperwork, ten references, that they would STILL pay you entry level and still keep you on probabtion for 6 months. I mean...holy crap. Has any of YOU ever had to go through so many hoops for such a mediocre Admin position???

So, it's safe to say that I am cancelling my second interview with that company. Job sounded cool, but I'm definitely getting the big NO vibe from them. I got that vibe with my last job and I ignored it, so I'm gonna listen to my instincts.


In the meantime, I guess I'm employed. Yay? Though I still won't feel better until I know how the film job goes - after all, that's still number one on my radar! Then once I know that I've got (or not got) that job, then I can rejoice in my impending employment. SHIT! I've better appreciate these last few days of sleeping in!

I'll keep you posted.

SISU!

Thanks everyone for your input on the last post.

As it stands right now, I'm sort of off the hook since the video game place hadn't called back yet, even though they were still interviewing people as of Friday.

I really like Ashley's suggestion and a lot of the latter ones - that the video game job may be kind of a cool place to spend most of your week, but it's NOT what I want to do. At all. And I have done so much of what I don't want to do, something else will eventually come along that will be better. Maybe worse than the film job but at least better than the video games job.

And sadly, I can't get the film job to move around my schedule - believe me, I asked. But there are TWO executives that need to interview me and both are away at the Banff TV Festival till Thursday. So that means no interview, no phone interview - I mean, they aren't in a rush and I knew that so...plus, I understand that if they really want me, they'll consider moving but even if they WERE NOT away on business, that wouldn't happen. Remember, I was interviewed by the HR girl only. The two decision makers, well, they have no idea who I am, except that I am a candidate. Which is why when I go in on Thursday, it's like a first interview all over again. HR girl won't even be there.

At any rate, I am feeling pretty good about things at the moment. I have decided that I will turn down the video game job - if still offered - for the following reasons:

A)Temporary - 5 months later I will be back in this position again. No thanks. I want a job to stick with.

B)Weak Skills - this job will exploit what I am not good at and ignore what I am good at.

C) Not related to career goals.

I'm not in dire straights, I'll be OK with money for awhile, so my best bet is to take something that is at LEAST full-time and has health benefits. And you know what, something else has already come up.

I've got a NEW second choice. An interview with an online travel photo company on Tuesday. Again, it sounds like a dynamic and awesome place to work (more keggers on Fridays, what is up with that in the tech industries?), plus the job description sounds up my alley (proofing writing and images) and it looks like down the line it could lead to travel writing, which along with film, is a huge love of mine. Who knows, it may not, but at least I'll find out soon enough.

Anyhoo, hopefully by Fridayor next Monday I will be employed SOMEWHERE. Of course, I still really want the film job but I am more relaxed about it now (time will do that) and figure whatever happens, happens. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna prepare my ass off, though!


In other news, I applied for Finnish Citizenship...it looks like I will get it too.

Don't worry, I'll still be Canadian but now I will be a dual citizen of Canada and Finland. AND will be able to legally live and work ANYWHERE in the European Union! Bring home the Euros baby!!!!

HOW SWEET IS THAT?

I had always thought that because my Mother gave up her Finnish citizenship (many moons - or Moomins - ago) to become Canadian, that I could never apply for it. But it turns out I could - well, for the last five years anyway, up until last Monday.

And I applied, last Monday, right on the deadline.

I figured, hey, why the Hell not? Nothing wrong with being Finnish (except for having to properly learn the language - oh man).

After all, I lose passports so easily, it'll be good to have an extra one lying around- just in case :P



PS - SISU means "guts" or "courage" in Finnish.

Hey. Maybe I do know Finnish after all.

What would YOU do?

Ok, so I think I may have a minor problem on my hands and I need some advice from my fellow peeps. God, I hate it when I start talking like that.

Anyhoo, I could be jumping the gun but I see a potential problem coming down the track. And when I say track, I mean TODAY.

As you all know, I've been unemployed and looking for work, ever since I quit on that Hitler boss of mine a month ago or so (lookie back in the archives a week or two for a refresher). I've been applying absolutely everywhere with my totally awesome cover letter, but so far it's been really slow with hearing back about things. But the two places I have heard back from are competing for my heart with awesomness and thus where my dillema is stemming from.

I had an interview at a HUGE film studio that does post production and visual effects (VFX) for a whole slew of films that you've seen or are going to see. It was for an Executive Assistant role for the two heads of the company.

I was made for this job. A) I've been an EA for FIVE execs and I enjoyed it (the EA part, the Office Manager role was the part I sucked ass at) so I know that two will be much easier to handle - uh, here's hoping at any rate B) I just finished a course in Post Production and VFX Technology, so I know the ins and outs of everything that this company does C) they need someone to help with marketing and I can do that too - not only did I just ace my Film Marketing course, but that is a long-term career goal of mine (I've suddenly decided ;) AND I've had practical and educational experience D) they need someone pleasant and polished to represent them to their clients - Um, hello, I could totally charm Mr. Ben Stiller when he comes in to discuss his upcoming film. Actually, pat him on the back for his hilarious sketch on the MTV Movie Awards - fuck I love Robert Downey Jr.

This role not only represents what I can do well now, but what I can do well in the future. I can see myself staying with this company and growing with it. I have never wanted a job more. And yes, I will find out more about the role later - who knows, perhaps it's not all it's cracked up to be. But I have a feeling...

I've already had a phone interview with the recruiter and then she called me in for a half hour interview with her. She seemed to really like me (we got along great), was enthusiastic about everything I said, and saw - as I did - how my smorgasbord of work experience and education was all coming together to this role, to right NOW.

So she signed me up for a second interview with the two execs. The only problem is that they are travelling a lot - LA, Banff TV Festival - and won't be able to meet with me until next Thursday.

I would have rather had the interview sooner rather than later, originaly because I just wanted to get it over with and find out. This does give me heaps of time to prepare and go over my 80 questions an interviewer might ask sheet and know every answer by heart.

But then I got called in for an interview with another large and influential company. I won't mention names, but let's just say I worked for them before as a temp in 2006 (where I met good ol' Kass, btw) and now I am being considered as a Production Coordinator for a certain 2010 car racing video game that I am going to call "Really Want To Drive Fast." Clever, eh?

The job interview was supposed to be a half hour with an executive producer, but then ended up being an hour and a half long with two other people. I figured it was good practice as the first interview was fairly intense and it would help me prepare for the job I really wanted.

But as I got talking to the people, I realized that this was a good option too. Beer and cake Fridays? Salary plus paid overtime? Room for growth? Fun atmosphere? 30 minute walk from my house? Video games up the ying yang?

The interviews ended up going really well at any rate. The only problem I would have with the job is that it is 5 months contract, there are no benefits with no guarantee of contract renewal and I don't know the salary (they didn't even know). The job itself isn't exactly what I want to do, but it could be a good stepping stone. And like the film job, this place seemed like a wonderfully supportive place to work.

So I left with them saying that they would let me know really soon, as in today, about their decision.

And herein lies the rub.

If I got offered the job - and I'm not saying I will - what do I do? Do I take it? What about the other job, the one that I feel in my heart is the one for me? I won't know about that one until Thursday at the earliest. And while I can't think of a single reason why they wouldn't hire me at the film job, there is always a chance that they won't. And that's cool - it wasn't meant to be and all of that poetic jazz that I buy into. But what if I had turned down the cool job at the video game company? I could end up with nothing (though, I know that even if I DON'T get either job, I believe I will eventually get something that I will like).

So what would you do in this scenario? Turn down the video game job and risk it all on the job you really want (and know you have at least a 80% chance of getting after the interview, unless things go horribly wrong and I set the exec on fire or something like that). Or accept the video job and turn down the job you really wanted. Or accept the video game job, go on the interview for the other job and then, if you get THAT job, basically screw over the other company and back out? I don't really want to do that either - I don't want to burn any bridges with an international company like that. If offered the job, do I see how long I get to think about it (even though they know you can start as early as June 16th) or be honest and explain that I have another job prospect?

Once again, I could not be offered the vid job and I might not get the film job either. But I want to figure this all out before this scenario rears its ugly head. Because as much as the vid job sounds like an excellent and exciting second choice, it's still my second choice.

Money for nothing, learning for free!

Have you noticed a definite drop-off in the blogging world?

I have. More people are giving up on their blogs and quiting - which sucks because they are usually the people I enjoyed reading the most. And less people are coming to my blog than ever which saddens me. Yes, I have been slack with my posts but I'm trying to keep up - and believe me, I do have a lot to talk about. But it's not just less comments, but less people.I used to get 200 a day, now it's like 100.

Maybe I should start blogging about things like those sexy garter belts that I used to wear (which reminds me, why haven't I worn them lately? It's not like it's been summer). Or maybe blog about men in general and why they are such commitmentphobes - how come its easier for men to have a child out of wedlock instead of actually getting married and doing it properly? A friend's bf said it's because you can easily ditch the child (pretty sure he was joking) and not claim responsibility. Though when you think about it, if you were to get married and divorced, you could essentially forget it ever happened and be free from your ex forever. But not with a kid - you will ALWAYS be a father your whole entire life, whether you like it or not, plus that kid will keep YOU involved with that ex of yours. I think men have it backwards. Actually, men are just silly beasts in general.

Thankfully my man is open to talking about marriage (which is good since we are buying a house together) but most men - including my ex - run for the hills? Sheesh, women just want to talk about it, it won't hurt - believe me, if she's really desperate, you'll know it. Though you probably won't realize it, much like the doomed relationship of a certain couple that is getting married (out of pressure from her) this fall. You know things are bad when your wedding party is taking bets at the wedding on how quickly you'll get divorced).

Ok, so I could talk about those debatable things. I could talk about how confusing and mixed up our twenties are how no one ever warned us about that, how having too many choices in life can spoil the broth.

But I really just want to talk about this: Free Education!!

Did you know about this? There are a ton of universities that offer online courses for free? Most don't give you credits but it doesn't matter - for people like me that love to learn (knowledge is power), this is the greatest thing ever. I can educate myself for nothing and at my own pace. I've just downloaded a few courses from MIT. MIT! That's the Masachusettes Institute of Technology - as featured in Good Will Hunting, A Beautiful Mind - it's where all the top minds of the state go, apparently.

Anyhoo, through them I am learning Marketing Strategy and Managerial Psychology and possibly Spanish. Through the University of California, Irvine campus, I am learning Personal Finance.

And that's just the beggining. MIT has over 1800 course you can take from the comfort of your own home. Or you can peruse universities from all over the world, including the United Nations University.

Take a look HERE

And start getting smrt!

I survived

My 28 day cleanse is over, bitchez!

I actually ended it yesterday since I was having dinner at le boyfriend's rents and I wanted to indulge in yummyness, but I figured, what's a day going to matter?

Anyhoo, having survived a month without caffeine, booze (um, minus a glass of wine or two), dairy, wheat, sugar, soy, corn, pop, etc, I must say I have learned a lot - and I will gladly inform you of it.

Positives
-My tummy pains have ended
-My stomach no longer sticks out painfully from bloating
-I sleep much better and wake up being more alert than before (still not bouncing out of bed though but that probably has to do with the fact that I am not a morning person and no cleanse can change that)
-I don't need caffeine
-I enjoy cooking fresh meals every day
-I like eating healthy, wholesome stuff
-I discovered rice past is as good as wheat pasta, so I may not miss the stuff (if it turns out I have a wheat allergy)
-Rice milk and almond milk aren't bad - once you forget what real milk tastes like
-Water is good stuff
-I will always make rice now instead of buying those instant packets
-I can survive social settings and parties sober
-Roasted vegetables (especially yam) are great

Negatives
-My skin isn't as vibrant and clear as I thought it would be (I was told that wheat and dairy causes a lot of skin problems)
-The detox shakes I had to drink caused me to gain some weight
-My grocery bill didn't go down (especially since two weeks worth of shakes cost $133)
-I still got some bloating from certain "OK" foods such as pineapple, certain vegetables and oatmeal

Regardless, I am proud of myself for getting through it all. I only kinda cheated once or twice in the form of a glass of wine after 2 1/2 weeks - and lets not forget last Friday where I downed a bottle of wine (HEY, my liver detox shake had run out so I figured what was the harm? I'm not detoxing my liver anymore). I also smoked some pot but hey, my doctor never told me to NOT to do drugs.

I've decided to make some changes too - I know I am probably allergic to dairy (though never cheese, strange huh?) and wheat so I am going to try and avoid those when I can. Rice instead of wheat, soy milk instead of regular. I also know that I don't NEED caffeine anymore, so I am going to drink teas or decaff coffee from now on. Both have small amounts of caffeine, so I know that's all I need to perk myself up. I've also vowed to avoid hard liqour for as long as I can, avoid Red Bull (except in my beloved Jaegerbomb), no more pop or carbonated drinks and no more fake sugar ever! I've learned that water is great, that eating purely really does make you feel good and that I have now free reign to eat whatever I want.

Funny thing is, now that I can eat whatever, I still find myself eating what I was on the cleanse. I think a lot of it had to do with "forbidden foods." On my cleanse, grocery shopping and eating out was HELL. I wanted to eat everything! But now, the mystique is gone. I had a bite of chocolate last night and couldn't finish the rest. I had a sip of sour apple slurpee and it gave me a raging headache. I looked at all the junk and goodies in the store yet found myself still going to the vegetable aisle.

Hopefully these good habits will stay with me. At least until my first Jaegerbomb, then all hell's gonna break loose.

Daily Dose of Evil

So, I'm sure many of you know that Jodie Foster is a lesbian. And that she seems to be a tough little cookie - after all, I would never mess with her, she'd put you in a panic room, or escape into the hidden passages of your airplane or act all Nell-like. I did appreciate her in Silence of the Lambs because she gave Clarice Starling such vulnerability. But for the most part, she just seems too "hard" for my liking.

Which might explain this quote, taken from her interview in the Daily Mail: ""Look, it's terrible, I know, but weakness really, really bugs me, to the point that if there is a wounded bird on the sidewalk, I look at it and I go: I think I'll just kick it."

I really hope that is taken out of context because someone who would kick a dying bird, just because it's not strong enough, well...that kind of constitutes as Evil in my books, or at least slightly sociopathic.

Oddly enough though, if you continue reading the article, all it does is lambaste Foster for leaving her partner of 12 years or whatever for a younger woman - ironically both women are named Cindy.

It even goes so far as to use the bird quote as reasoning for the "latest malicious act in her life."

So she dumped her long-term gf for someone younger? So what? This happens ALL THE TIME. Men are always up and leaving women, trading them in for a younger model. It's not right and it sucks but it happens and that's just a fact of life. How come Foster is suddenly labbeled as cruel and heartless because she did it? Is it just because of the bird quote (because yes, by that I would have to label her just that but it doesn't really apply to relationships, or does it?) or is it because they are both women and because so, it's so UNHEARD OF for a woman to act like a man occasionally?

I don't know. I'm no feminist, not in the least - but I do feel that there is a bit of a double standard here. It would be less complicated, perhaps, if Foster wasn't an injured bird beater.

Speaking of women acting like men, Sex and the City comes out today. I am vaguely intersted in seeing it. I mean, I loved the show, have most seasons on DVD. But I'm not chomping at the bit to see it - I could easily wait till DVD. The problem is, I know every single woman I know is going to see it this weekend, so I may just feel a bit out of the loop.

I'm actually really looking forward to The Happening and The Dark Knight instead (and was looking forward to Indiana Jones but I've seen it already - I liked it a lot, despite crazy George Lucas's influence at the end there). Maybe it's the tomboy in me or just the fact that strangely, though I enjoy writing romantic comedies, I actually prefer to watch action/adventure/thrillers such as Iron Man (which was freakin' fantastic). I draw the line at The Hulk though - I have no idea how that's going to turn out to be remotely good at all - Ed Norton, what were you thinking?

Job Hunting

Ack. Sorry for my lack of attention. My dear Kiwi was in town for the week, bringing along her bf from Montreal and I was delegated to be their tour guide (despite them both having lived in Vancouver for a year). Luckily I quit my job so I was able to fully enjoy my week with them - the timing was perfect. After all, had I still been working at HELL I would have been mega busy and super stressed all week. Now I was only busy doing fun, summery things and mildly stressed due to various attemps at job hunting.

You may have wondered where my last blog post disappeared to. Well, I applied for a job as a poker writer. I may not know EVERYTHING about poker but being a writer, research is the best part. And boy did I research. But ufortunately the people wanted to see my blog - I guess I mentioned it off-hand or something. At any rate, I had to go through a quick clean-up and make sure it was more "potential employer friendly."

At any rate, my efforts were useless. I was passed up for the job AFTER submitting my writing samples. That either means I can't write worth a damn, or perhaps I just wasn't suited to poker writing. I am hoping its more the latter on that one - although when the woman called to let me know that they weren't going to take me on, she added that she enjoyed my "travel and fashion articles."

I haven't written a fashion article in my whole entire life. What I sent her was all my published writing from my past job, interviewing filmmakers and so on and one travel article. Where the hell does "fashion" fit in there? It makes me angry to think that after meeting me, they probably just read the first article - travel - and then assumed all the rest were fashion ones because I'm blonde and a girl and that's what I would write about. No wonder they didn't think I could write about poker if they are just going to base everything on a stereotype.

ARG.

Anyway, the job hunting commences in full-swing this week. As long as it pays well, I'm applying. Even if I feel like I am stooping to another level, or not using any of my education or any of my talents, I know I am going to just have to take SOMETHING until my "real" job comes along. Too bad the real job takes some real patience. And luck. And I don't have either - hence why I suck at poker.

Moving Jobs?

I haven't blogged about my job yet, have I? Hmmm, I better get on that.

Perhaps you would like to know what exactly I do, and what my typical day is like. Maybe you don't. Either way, I'm going to tell you.

I am the production coordinator at an ad agency that deals with enviromental and politcal stuff.

So what is my job like...well.

On my first day of work, I walked into the office and took a good look around. It was a friggin pig sty. Pizza boxes everywhere. Various office supplies scattered haphazardly about.

"We cleaned up for you," Rob said proudly. "Tried to make it look like less of a college dorm." They didn't succeed. Rob was a likeable guy, a carpenter with no political or advertising experience, and along with Mike, and the BOSS, and I guess me, we made up the Vancouver office. Four others made up the New York office.

Rob had only been there a couple of months. Mike had only been there a year. In this 15 year-old company, he was their longest employee. Red Flag #1.

My first day was OK, considering Mike was a terrible teacher and with each minute I realized that I would have to repeatedly ask to be shown how to do things. I also realized how horribly unorganized the office and their "system" was - and how screwed I was considering how horribly unorganized I AM.

Part of the chaos comes from the fact that the office is split in two. One here in Vancouver,the other in New York. I had no idea that despite the time difference, the offices operate as one. Talk about confusing.

"So the boss is away today?" I asked Mike.

"Yeah, but he gets in tomorrow." He looked at me (looked at my chest actually - I always had a feeling that Mike hired me more for my looks rather than my resume - which he apparently really liked too), paused. "The Boss has a problem with women, I thought I would warn you. He means well, but he will get in your face and yell. He's very moody. The last one in this position, she ended up yelling back at him and well, she doesn't work here anymore." Red Flag #2.

I suddenly remember my phone interview with Mike. Me:"Is this a nice, friendly place to work, because my last job was such a tense, unsupportive environment, I couldn't go through that again."

Mike:"Well, when there are deadlines, we will all yell and scream at each other. But we can still go for a beer at the end of the day." Red Flag #3.

Second day on the job and I meet the boss again (he briefly interviewed me). He seems nice enough still, like the nice guy who hired me. And when I mentioned I could get pirated software instead of buying it (thus saving them money) he beams, then shoots a look at Mike (who handles the budget), "Oh Mike is definitely going to marry you now - saving money, you're his perfect woman." Mike turns red. So do I, as I scurry back to my part of the office - that was definitely an awkward thing to say, right out of The Office.

In my part of the office, I meet Lindsay, a timid, young graphic designer who comes in when needed.

A few hours later, I hear the Boss on the phone with a client. "Do your fucking job, you fucking moron. Stop this bullshit - BLAM - this is fucking ridiculous - BOOM - do you fucking understand me - BLAM - well do you? - BOOM! FUCK"

The BLAM is him kicking the wastebasket. The BOOM is him THROWING IT AT THE WALL. The swearing keeps coming and his voice gets louder and louder. Soon the phone is CHUCKED ACROSS THE ROOM. He slams door for the hell of it. And then he starts yelling at Mike and Rob. Calling them fucking morons for something or other. Red Flag #4.

I look at Lindsay. She's huddled over her work. She rolls her eyes, "Yeah he does this every day." Red Flag #5. "We had another graphic designer before me," she continues, "She came in on her first day. He yelled at her just like this. She cried and never came back. Normally Rob and Mike are his punching bags." I could still hear Don screaming at them for something that I will later find out had nothing to do with them.

The next week, Don is gone for the whole time. He's in DC. The atmosphere in the office is pleasant. Until I am introduced to OTHER BOSS - he's in New York. He likes to call you a lot and find fault with everything you do. Several times a day.
My first EVER conversation with OTHER BOSS went something like this: "The timesheet you sent me was corrupted."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I'll fix it."
Him: "Sigh. We are off to a rather auspicious start, aren't we? (his voice is totally dry, seething with contempt) Well, I have here in the schedule that Stefan is supposed to be sending the finished logo to the client. Has he done that?"
Me: "I assume so."
Him: "See, you just started and we already have a problem. In this business you, NEVER assume."
I try and make a joke out of it, Me:"Right, cuz it makes an ass out of U and Me." Him: "Don't think we haven't heard that before. There is no joking in this business."
Obviously. Red Flag #6
Me: "I will check with Stefan to see if he's done it."
Him: "Yes that's your job. You have to make sure everyone does their job. You have to call and remind them several times a day. You have to hound them."

Later I found out that as much as I email, harass and phone one of my colleagues, they still won't get things done. And that it's my fault because I OBVIOUSLY didn't harrass them enough.

A glorified babysitter. This is my job. I am also a middleman. When my co-worker has something that needs to get done, such as a logo for a client, they come to me. I choose from the list of vendors - the list that everyone has because I update it everyweek and send it to them - and then tell the vendor what to do. I don't actually KNOW what they are to do, because I have no idea what the project is, but I pass the info on. Then the vendor does it, passes it back to me. I pass it back to the co-worker. He wants somethings fixed. He tells me. I tell the person.

Can you imagine what would happen if you eliminated my job? The co-worker would tell the vendor directly and exactly what they wanted. The vendor would pass the project directly to the co-worker to review. GASP! THE SIMPLICITY OF IT ALL! Red Flag #7

Oh, and I also coordinate the schedule. Meaning, I BUG people to tell me what they have planned for their clients in the coming week. Most of the time, I get half-assed responses (which OTHER BOSS likes to pick apart because half-assed is not good enough - mind you these are THEIR responses, not mine). Then I fill it in the schedule for everyone to see. But nobody actually bothers opening it up and looking at it. Then I look at what people are to be doing in the next week and I start harassing them about that: Have you done it yet? When is it going to be done? Will it get done? Can you tell me when it's done? Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet?

Another part of my job is to hire new freelancers. We suddenly needed an ad reel compiled. Our regular editor was no longer available. My boss was in a huff, in my face, telling me it had to be DONE NOW! FIND A FINAL CUT-PRO EDITOR FOR TOMORROW!

Luckily, I had already put an ad on Craigslist out a few days ago, forseeing that our regular editor would be booked. I asked for help on picking the right candidate cuz I knew nothing about hiring, but everyone said to figure it out myself - all they had to know was Final Cut Pro.

So I hired a guy who had a good demo reel and lots of experience and off we went. The guy, Duane, comes in. Of course, the boss is an hour late so I have to explain what to do. Problem is, no one told me what he has to do, what the project is, etc. I don't even know how to operate the giant computer he would be working on. So the first hour is wasted.

And then my BOSS tries to explain to Duane what he wants and HOLY HELL is my Boss horrible at explaining things. And when Duane makes a mistake, the Boss gets pissed off.

I start to feel sorry for Duane. Here is this guy who has never been here before, neatly dressed in a suit, with various degrees in journalism and communications and tons of professional editing experience - being lectured by my dumb old boss.

My boss later yells at me as I walk by. "Where the hell did you find this guy? He asks too many questions. Remember, we like them dumb around here. Next time you hire someone, try to keep them dumb, OK? Just get him to finish up and get him out of here." Red Flag #8.

Notice I say yell, because he did yell it and poor Duane is sitting in the next room and can obviousyly hear everything.

The kicker comes later. It's the end of the day, the boss has somewhere to go. He storms in the room, "How are you doing Duane?"

Duane looks scared. "I'm just trying to compress the files before we can burn it."

"Is it compressing?"

"I think so."

The BOSS's voice turns cold, "I think so? I THINK SO? I THINK SO ISN'T A FUCKING ANSWER. THIS IS A YES OR NO QUESTION. IS IT WORKING?"

"I - I, think so, I haven't used this type of software before to compress."

"THAT"S NOT A FUCKING ANSWER - EITHER IT'S WORKING OR IT'S NOT. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM IF YOU ARE FUCKING INCOMPETENT, YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS."

"Yes, then it's working."

"I FUCKING HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT." The Boss storms in the room and looks at me, "WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKING HIRE THIS GUY, WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU FUCKING MAKE SURE HE COULD FUCKING USE THE SOFTWARE?"

I couldn't even speak, I was so afraid. And no, I am no exagerating on how many times he yelled the F-word at Duane.

So the boss storms out, leaving me and duane in silence and all I could think about was how embarassed I was to work for a man like that.

And that's when I decided to quit.

At first I was thinking of doing two weeks, find another job. But when another yell fest from the BOSS and another critical pick-apart from OTHER BOSS drove me to tears on Friday, I realized I'm not coming back. The long weekend is upon me and it's going to be even longer because Monday I am sending them my letter of resignation and telling them exactly why I can't work in such a tense, poisonous atmosphere, doing a ridiculous job that shouldn't even exist and in an industry I don't give two shits about. Not to mention the fact that I work 9-6 but am barely allowed to leave for lunch - they expect you to eat quickly at your desk and shut up. Did I also mention I had to FIGHT to get the holiday off? A statutory holiday that they weren't going to give. To think I would have to do that each time a stat holiday came up - not to mention that the benefits that were promised were non-existent.

So yeah. That WAS my job. I am not sure what I am going to do now since I need money, but I have my 2 weeks pay behind me and I think I'm going to join a temp firm and do that work until I find a job that I love - or atleast won't be afraid to step in the office every day.

Life's too short to spend your life in fear.

Moving days

Rockstar, Me and his lovely sister

So there was a tiny hickup in my moving out plans which has now been resolved quite wonderfully.

Originally, as you may recall, I was to sell my apartment at about now, and then find a one-bedroom and den. Josh - who is still crashing on my couch at the moment - will then live in the den and pay me rent. In October, when Rockstar's lease is up at his place, Josh would move out of the den and Rockstar would move in with me and pay me rent. Huzzah, right?

Well unfortunately, I can't afford a one bedroom and den. I can only get approved for a $200,000 mortgage and even combined with the direct deposit of $50K, that's still only $250K and one-bedroom + dens go for about...I dunno, 310-350K. Yep, I live in one of the world's most desirable cities and in the most desirable section of that city (downtown, by the beach and park), so places aren't exactly cheap. But I love it here and after years of traveling around the world, I finally appreciate this place I've called home all my life.

Anyhoo, I'm $100K short of my dream apartment. Seems I am set to toil in my tiny studio until my dying day.

That was until the Rockstar and I figured something out. We want to move in together in October at any rate - not because it would save money but because it feels like the the right thing to do.

So we decided we would both buy the place together. He'll get a mortgage, we'll combine it with mine and tada - suddenly we can afford a one-bedroom and den and in the neighbourhod we want.

Now, I know if you read back years ago, I felt very strongly AGAINST cohabitation before marriage. I believed that if you lived together, the guy would NEVER propose because why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. And while I still think that's a valid point, I also believe it differs according to relationship. In my last one, my ex was a huge believer in moving in together - I resisted because I thought that by being seperate, that would eventually convince him to take the next step. Naive, I know. He dumped me anyway, didn't matter how little I saw him. Funny thing is, the thought of living with him never made me happy. It's funny how you can be in love with someone but at the same time not really like them as a person.

The Rockstar and I (and both our parents) know that marriage is down the line for us - we've talked about it openly and have agreed on it. When that happens, who knows...I for one am no longer concerned about a timeline (OK, well, at least before I'm 30 please!) and am totally enjoying taking it one day at a time. After all, he is younger than me so he needs sometime to catch up, plus, we've only been together almost 11 months. So we both know that moving in together isn't where things end, but where they begin.

And of course, it's a big step. Not only moving in, but buying in. Luckily we are doing it for the right reasons - I would want to live with him whether he could get a mortgage or not. I just honestly love being in his company and because our relationship works so well and so easily, I know that this decision is a sound one, even though there will of course be trying times ahead.

But we both aren't stupid. A contract will be drawn up by a lawyer, stipulating what will happen to the place in the event that we split - same proceedings as in a divorce. Either the other party sells or offers to buy the other one out. No "The Break-Up Part Two" here. And thankfuly my rockstar is NOT Vince Vaughan in the slightest.


So, the new plan? My apartment will go up for sale in June, with a completion date of October 1st. I've already got a real estate agent who will both sell my place and find us a new one. Actually, she's the same lady who sold me MY place, so she knows exactly what she's selling!

Then in July, Rockstar and I will start looking for our perfect place, which will give us three months to find it. What are our demands? A large one-bedroom or one-bedroom and den (posibly even a two-bedroom if the price isn't that big of a jump). A place that allows pets (we will probably get a dog in the next few years). Has a dishwasher, possibly an in-suite laundry. Has a balcony. And will be located in the same neighbourhood I am in now - that way I can still walk to work, he can walk to his band rehearsel space and take the upcoming skytrain to his work.

Of course, until October, I am stuck in my studio. But let's look on the bright side, shall we? Yes my building sucks and I can't change that. But the location is still awesome, the ten-minute walk to work is amazing, Summer is COMING and the pool on the roof is now OPEN! Plus soon the beaches (2 min walk) will be prime for sunbathing, having picnics and wine (OMG I can't wait till I can drink again - see last post). And once Josh moves out with his friend (end of the month), I'll have my studio all to myself - plus, having to get the apartment ready for listings will mean making it very minimalist. I've already taken down a lot of art from the walls and I am amazed and how much bigger my place looks already! Not a bad place to spend the summer.

I, personally, am still extremely excited for the fall though. Yes, moving in together can be rough at first, but we aren't like your average couple. It took us 10 months to have an actual fight, and I actually enjoyed it! I'd never heard him raise his voice at me - it was a nice change, as silly as that sounds. In fact, my old job is developing a reality show about couples who are looking to take the next step, and we were going to be one of the couples. However, after they conducted interviews and seperate surveys with us, they changed their mind. They said we were way too healthy as a couple, didn't have any drama or things we wanted to change about the person or reoccuring fights. They said they wanted couples who at least had an issue or two and, according to them, we don't.

Which is a shame because I really wanted to be on this show, but I guess we still win anyway :)

28 Days

First off, let me apologize for not keeping in touch as well as I should be. With my first real week of work just kicking in, I'm finding it hard to find the time to concentrate and write in my dear blog. Rest assured, I will come around and start updating you more on my life - as terribly unexciting as it is! I will also start taking a gander at your blogs, I feel so out of touch and out of the loop with all of you!!

I would also like to thank you all for voting for my mum in the makeover contest. Sadly, she didn't win. I don't understand how since I had everyone under the sun voting but perhaps the other person had more friends - or maybe looked like she needed it more. Regardless, she still was in the top ten out of thousands (actually that is probably not a good thing) anyway she gets a $100 gift certificate to a spa so that's pretty sweet - she really deserves it.

Work is going OK for now, I know it's going to be one of those good/bad day jobs that will totally depend on the mood of my boss - but more on that in a later post.

What I wish to discuss with you today, dear readers, is what I am currently going through. Ei, HELL!

I have been plagued with stomach problems since I was 12, I have been tired for as long as I can remember - these are just part of my life. But lately I have been SO bloated that I can barely do up my pants, my stomach literally will stick out so it looks as if I am pregnant. I can only wear baggy clothes - plus I am gaining weight too!

So I started seeing a naturopath doctor after realizing that most doctors dont have time to care or listen - that's free health care for ya!

My naturopath is really nice and we spent an hour discussing my health history. There are many reasons for my tummy problems, one might have to do with frequent antibitotic use which can destroy the gut - the other may be an allergy.

So he decided to put me on a cleanse. Not the wild rose or master cleanse but a medically-supervised TWENTY EIGHT DAY cleanse.

I am on day four at the moment and boy...it's not easy.

Basically, the plan is to get me eating as "clean" as possible over the next month and start getting rid of the toxins in my body. Then we will add back foods to my diet - slowly - and see which ones make me tick.

So, what does this wonderful cleanse consist of? Well, there are too many things I have to cut out, the mains ones being NO CAFFEINE (tea, chocolate, coffee), NO BOOZE (soooo hard with so many social situations coming up!), No Wheat (and wheat is in everything), No corn, NO DAIRY, no SOY, No sugar (or honey or fake sugar). No pop. No nothing, really.

What can I have? All veggies, all fruits (except for Oranges), Rice, millet, olive oil, spices, nuts (except peanuts), rice or almond milk, beans, fish, chicken, turkey and lamb.

Sounds like the ingredients of a wholesome dog food.

Oh, and acidophuolus capsules (the good bacteria because my antibiotic use has rid my body of it and I seem to only produce the bad kind) AND a liver detoxfying vitamin/protein shake that tastes like Vanilla sludge that I will take up to three times a day.

Like I said, I am on day four - I'm still bloated but - and excuse my graphicness - for someone who isn't very "regular" I am going shithouse like 6 times a day! It's insane! I know this is vital cuz I need to get rid of the toxins but geeeeez. I'm tired too, as I am going through caffeine withdrawal, and yesterday it felt like I had the flu (a side effect of withdrawal as well).

It's super hard to go into a coffee shop and just get herbal tea, especially when I know a hit of caffeine would jolt me up - plus passing up those free samples of coffee cakes isn't fun.

But I'm doing this for my health, to finally get to the bottom of this, and I know I have to follow this through till the end.

Seriously.

Doctor's orders

It's almost May...

So someone please explain.....







THIS!:


Now before any of you start making Cold Canada jokes let me remind you that the above also happened all over Washington state this past Friday - and normally we only see snow RARELY and in January. NOT IN APRIL! And not when the rest of the freakin' country is breaking out the sandals and shorts.

Honestly, I don't know who to blame or get angry at. I've tried shaking my fist at God but he just shrugs like somehow Global Warming is OUR fault or something. SHEESH!

Anyway, as you know I am a boot-wearing gal so I decided to embrace "Spring" and wear a dress and sandals on Friday to my bf's rawk show. Little did I know, the MINUTE I got in my car and drove to his house it started to HAIL. And then while we were at the show, it started to snow. SNOW. In April. In Vancouver which should be at least 20C (70F for ya yanks) at this time of year. SNOOOOOOOOW!



But despite the snowy weirdness and my shaken faith that the weather will eventually get better, the rockstar and I headed out to the Washington State town of Bellingham to use a free hotel coupon and eat at the Olive Garden. Luckily it was sunny (though fucking cold) and the night away from the city did us a lot of good. It's amazing how just a night in a hotel, even if it's near your own place, is so rejuvenating. And though I had been to Bellingham many, many times before (or should I say I've been to the mall, many, many times before) we still took some time out to explore the cute historic town of Fairhaven where silly photos took place.




Did I also mention that Josh is back in town and rooming with me?

It's a bit difficult at the moment because I am so damn tired from work that all I want to do is sleep - and Josh is the essence of a night owl. But we make it work.
I mean I know he is really trying to be as quiet as possible at night but I can still hear him through my earplugs (remember, we share a room - cuz my apartment is just that)plus when the light is on, I just can't sleep. I really wish I wasn't such a light sleeper. Thankfully I bought a new sleep mask and stronger earplugs so lets hope they work so I can at least get a good nights sleep for tomorrow.

Today was the first day at Insight Film Studios and I was so unbelievably tired - though that might have had something to more with going to bed completely and utterly stoned last night. Anyhoo, the internship is OK though its a big studio so I feel kind of lost and unimportant - the last place I was at was much more personable and smaller and I know they really appreciated me. I miss them already!

Also, at the new place I have a feeling that they think I will be working for longer than I thought I would be - I heard them mention "throughout the month." Lemme just say that the MINUTE I get a job, my free labour days are done.

And because I have a meeting with a producer tomorrow morning, a job might be closer than I think. At least I hope so because with my EI clock ticking down, I may just have to take a temp job as a last resort - hell, anything with money is a good thing.


But I'm not going to go into too much more of this since you've already heard it...instead, let's talk about SUMMER and all the exciting concerts coming up.

So far, I am going to:

1) Mark Knopfler in July (Dire Straights)
2)Jack Johnson in August
3) Radiohead (woot) in August
4) Potentially STP in August (double woot)
5) Potentially NIN at the Pemberton Festival in July

What shows/concerts are YOU excited about????

Taking the initiative

So...things are looking up. Which is such a relief because I was so depressed about two days ago. Two potential job leads turned out to be ANOTHER internship - one they wanted someone to work in Casting for A MONTH for no pay, the other was being an administrative person for a film organization - two days a week, no pay.

Do people REALLY need interns to do admin work? I mean, come on, fork over the $10 an hour and actually hire someone to do it.

You know, if I didn't have massive apartment fees, a mortage and my EI running out in two weeks, I would be totally down for more internships. I mean, in an internship you are really respected because HEY you are working for free and they are just glad to have you there (so I've been told). But you have to draw the line somewhere and come April 25th I would have put in 120 hours of free labour.

Anyway, that cheesed me off that some companies think students will take anything (and we are continuing ed students which means we aren't 21 years old and living with ma and pa - we have done school in the past, been in the workforce for at least a few years and have mortgages to pay, mouths to feed etc). Toss us a frickin bone here - I mean...really.

BUT things are started to look up. I've really hunkered down the last couple of days and started using all my networking skills to line up potential jobs, people, anything.

Let's just say it's paying off - there are a few promising scenarios on the horizon, one involving my script, three (and potentially more) involving awesome jobs in the Film/TV/commercial industry. But I don't want to say any more lest they all go nowhere - however, since I've had such an unusually dynamic, lucky and ironic day, that if anything good does come out of this, I will be sure to tell you all about it. Just want the story to have a happy ending.

PS - I got my hair cut...see:



PPS - You have to try these vodka freezies - just like when you were a kid and had freeze pops - only it has booze in it. Yummy, yummy booze. www.blackflycoolers.com

She works hard for no money, so hard for no money

Man, it feels like its been forever since I have written in this thing. But what can I say, if you read the last post, you'll know just how busy I have been.

Somehow, as daunting as it seemed, I tackled and completed my school WEEK OF HELL. It's all behind me now, thank God, but for shits and giggles you can view two of my projects: A fake distribution company and a fake marketing plan for a fake movie which HAD to be called Broccoli - www.hallewoodpictures.blogspot.com

Of course I just HAD to do it blogstyle, which inspired a lot of my fellow classmates to make their own blogs. And I am happy to say, my teacher loved it too - in fact, he was howling with laughter and called his wife after my presentation to tell her all about it. Once again, last minute projects pay off for (did I mention I did them all in one day?)

So that was that. I am not done school just yet as I have a couple of night classes with regards to career building that will be conducted the week after my internship. Then followed by a graduation ceremony/dinner on the 25th. And then, somehow, this horribly intense four months of school will be....over.

Meanwhile, I am doing my internship.

I like it. I enjoy the people and am doing all sorts of research stuff like calling newstations in Akron, Ohio and trying to acquire footage from the 2003 Blackout or calling Hydro companies and inquiring about shooting locations in their control centers, or going to the library and researching schematic drawings of D-4 and C-45 transport planes. You know, the usual. Not to mention compiling the best database ever of every television broadcaster, and the contact information for every credited director in Canada. Soon to come (at my own prompting) will be script coverage and analysis.

But while I am showing up everyday and working hard for 8 hours a day - UNPAID - while desperately broke and unable to pay bills, I can't help but be a bit disheartened that there is a lot of emphasis on my only being there for two weeks.

See, I was hoping that this could possibly lead to long-term employment. But all I hear is, "Well, when Lusty is gone in two weeks, we'll need to get more help" or "This is lusty, she's helping us in development...for two weeks" or "I'm not sure if you need keys since you will only be here for two weeks" or "I'm not sure how much research you can get done in two weeks" or "Since you'll only be with us for two weeks.,..yadda yadda yadda I GET IT!" I mean, these people KNOW I am actively looking for employment, have expressed interest in getting help from them to find me employment - and then they complain about how overworked their junior development girl is and how hard its going to be for her once I leave. WAY TO RUB IT IN MY FACE!

Of course, it doesn't help that in a seperate department of the company, they took on a fellow classmate of mine as an intern. And pretty much told her if she works hard, she'll have a job. WHAT ABOUT ME?

And then there is another classmate who did her internship in craptastic Toronto. She started at the distribution company on Monday and ALREADY she is Director of marketing and PR, is flying to LA this weekend to promote their new film and going to Cannes Film Festival next month where she will be selling the film and arranging parties for famous people.

I mean....gah. I have no words. And she deserves it, she'd be really good at it. But it seems a bit unfair, that she with no film or corporate business (she was a waitress) is suddenly...SUDDENLY...doing so well.

Life...it's just not fair. And I know this cuz here I am, dying for a job in the business while everyone else seems to get things handed to them. Some people have awesome luck that totally benefits their lives. What's my luck? Being on Inside Edition or witnessing a bank robbery. Nothing useful, just weirdass strange occurances.

But...I'm trying not to complain or shake my fist at God too much - cuz it doesn't work. What I am doing is just barreling down, making the most of my internship and praying that SOMEDAY my hard work and talent (yes, I have that too) will pay off. I know I have said this for what seems like many, many years, but...no...there is not buts. This has to work out, one day.

And as such, I have actually volunteered for another internship for the week after I am done this current one. It's with Insight Films which is kind of a big deal and once again, it probably wont lead to me being hired or anything. But I am hoping, just hoping, that eventually all this FREE hard work I am doing will pay off.

PS thanks to Rachel and Charm School for their Ebay winnings! Hope you enjoy them!

Times they are a changing

It's nearing the end of this particular time of my life...

I am on the last "official week" of my schooling, which mean buckling down and doing a whole bunch of projects at the last minute.

Today I completed my Entertainment Law course (and found out that while I rock at doing script clearances, my notion of music rights is ridiculous...synch rights, publishing rights...whatever, apparently I'm terrible at math).

Tomorrow I have my last marketing class (complete with presentation on a project that I've barely touched on).

Wednesday I have my Film and TV finance final exam AND group project as well (let me just say, never do a co-production with the UK).

Thursday I have my distribution project due and that's gonna kick my ass cuz I haven't started and it involves setting up my own fake distributing company and creating a cash flow over three years...cash flow? I told you I was bad at math!

Saturday I've got my production management final exam (which will be a joke and we will all fail miserably) plus our project and on Sunday I have my EP Scheduling and Budgeting exam.

I know that probably sounds like a lot of nonsense to the lot of you, but I think you get the idea that I'm a busy girl.

THEN next monday, it's the first day of my internship. This I am super-excited about...though I'm not a fan of TV, I know that I will learn a lot (and am so glad to be in the development department) and I am just dying to earn money. Of course, this is just a two-week unpaid internship but I know that if I work my ass off, it will pay off. No more boring jobs for me! And luckily, because Vancouver is the 3rd largest film center in North America (right behind New York), there are tons of production companies to weasel my way into.

But these aren't the only changes.

Tomorrow it's the Rockstars and I's nine month anniversary...

Next Monday it's his 25th Birthday....

On the 14th JOSH returns to live with me in my studio again. Which was to be just temporary until he finds a place BUT....

As you may or may not know, I am selling my wee apartment. You know all the reasons why.

Anyhoo, as soon as employment is secured (end of April) so I can get a new mortgage, I am buying a one-bedroom plus den in the same neighbourhood.

It's going to be a dream come true to actually own a BIGGER AND BETTER place to call my own. The concept of a bedroom, let alone a den, is amazing...hell, I'm excited to have a door! And more walls for my art! And a bigger closet!

Best part of it all is, because Josh is coming back on his working visa (you may remember he moved to Van from New Zealand, moved back to New Zealand in January and decided he missed Vancouver so much that he is coming back in two weeks) he's going to be living in my den. I'll make sure that the room is big enough for a bed, but basically, I'm gonna have a roomate until November-ish.

Now, normally I would have balked at this before, since I am a very solitary person. But to be honest, when Josh lived with me in my studio last year for a month, it was a hell of a lot of fun and I don't see anyone else I would get along better with - other than my Rockstar, but of course, come November, he may just be my next roomate :P

Huzzah for the next couple of months! New job, new script, new home...new outlook on life.

I Love You Guys!

All you blog people make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

As such, I'm giving you a link to all the stuff I am currently selling on Ebay (yup, got the idea from KarinaXOXO).

I mean, all these shoes I keep buying, I have to pay for them SOMEHOW!

So take a look HERE (will be adding more stuff next week) - You will notice that those fab Ugg Shoes are being let go at a REAL bargain (they were just a bit too unstable for my funky feet), so snap them up while you can.

AND if you win an item, as a special gift to you I will throw in either this snazzy leather-like stretchy red belt with metal clasps (size Medium) or patterend olive and white H&M shirt (purchased in Norway, never worn, size small) FOR FREE. It's your choice, while quantities last.

You're so vain?

I am not sure if you all had read my last blog post or not, but basically I talked about how I was born with the physical birth defect of having club feet. The way my feet are and look have been a cross to bear my whole entire life and it is only now that I am coming to terms with it.

Which is why I thought "Kiki"s comment on my last post was a bit...callous:

"To be honest, everything you have mentioned here cannot be classified as 'flaws;' but rather display a much greater flaw: Vanity"

I am actually amazed that someone would take my honest and heartfelt post about a BIRTH DEFECT and try and turn it against me. To try and make me feel even worse about myself and point out the fact that I have GREATER flaws than my feet. What's next? Making fun of the mentally disabled for worrying that they aren't smart enough?

Notice I said TRY, though.

Because a careless remark like that does not shed anymore light on me than it does on the person that left it.

Am I vain? FUCK YES I AM!

But I am vain for many different reasons and NOT my feet. Vanity to me implies worry about something that doesn't always need worry. Believe me, I worry about many a thing that probably doesn't deserve it.

For example, a person who thinks her profile is ugly and is always inspecting it in passing reflections may be considered vain. Is she wrong? A bad person? No, not at all, because we are ALL vain at heart. But her profile probably doesn't affect her daily life. It probably doesn't physically stop her from doing things, doesn't cause people to stare and hasn't caused her grief her whole life (btw I think my profile is awesome...though I'm sure that's vain too).

Now lets say this girl was born with an abnormaly large nose...a profile that would make people stop and stare, or perhaps she doesn't even have a nose.

Now she has a valid reason to be worried, to be "vain" if you will. But suddenly, THAT has become her biggest flaw?

The fact that I have had peers be so cruel to me over the grotesque appearance of my feet that I have had to switch schools? The fact that various gym teachers have tried to humiliate me over the fact that I can't do certain sports, that I run a certain way? Until you have been in my supportive shoes, you can't possibly begin to understand where my "vanity" comes from.

I could go on and on, but the point of my post is that I have finally accepted the state of my feet, and by doing that, the state of myself.

The "vanity" that may seem to come with it is worth it and I will never view it as a flaw. I have 26 years behind me of caring how I measure up to others, but I am done now. Your comment, Kiki, whether you meant it as inconsiderate as it sounds or were going for something different (and obviously missed the mark with me) is no different from the comments I recieved from heartless 13-year old brats who made fun of my disability, and I am proud to say I am done caring about what anyone else thinks about my so-called "flaws."

PS - Now since the comment was left following other comments that were supportive and happy for my coming-to-terms with my problem, I have taken the comment to be condescending and patronizing. I really don't see how I can take it any other way. I'm not usually one to get defensive but when it comes to something dear to me, and this is about as close as it gets, then I'm gonna stand-up for myself. I don't care who you are.



(My feet in their internet debut. This isn't easy for me when I have tried to hide them my whole life, but it's kinda liberating to put them out there and say, yup I'm far from perfect, like it or lump it)

Feet First

We all have our flaws.

I have a lot of them.

A LOT Of them.

Somehow, I manage to make most of them work though, or I'm adept at covering them up.

For example, for my horrendous undereye circles, I have to slather on industrial strength concealer (Amazing Cosmetics and Dermablend make...amazing...ones). Here's a new tip if you suffer from them too - a very sheer dab of orangey red lipstick on top of your bluest part works wonders. That's right, RED. I saw this tip in Shape magazine and it does work - orange/red counteracts blue, just make sure it's a sheer amount and that you use a yellow-based concealer (a shade lighter than your skintone) on top.

For my flat hair, I used bodyfying shampoo and try and keep conditioner only on the ends (though after Hawaiian surf, I'm slathering it everywhere...also contemplating cutting my hair above my shoulders for summer....). I also blow-dry my roots with my head upside down.

I'm not going to delve too much into my secrets or my flaws, because why on earth would I expose what I am trying to hide.

But one thing that I am coming to terms with - my biggest flaw - is my feet.

As you may know (I've blogged about this before), I was born with club feet and after 6 years of casts on them, they are finally normalesque. I mean, they work like feet, look like feet, point in the right direction etc.

But they are ugly motherfuckers. My heels are heavily calloused because I walk heel first, I can't stand on my toes (ligiments too tight), my ankle bones jut out because...actually, I'm not sure why that is, and I have horrible scars on the insides of my leg running from my arch to just past the ankles. Apparently, this is where they repeatedly cut my feet open and replaced all the bones. With what, I am not sure - my feet have never set off any metal detectors...

So, because of having this FLAW my whole entire life, I have made some sacrifices.

I don't ever show my feet - EVER. Boots are my best friends. I can't wear pretty, sexy stiletto heels. Going to the beach is a nightmare. Etc.

But, honestly, this all sucks and I am getting pretty sick of it. I wanna be able to wear a breezy summer dress without having to cover up with boots or a pair of socks (now I actually would wear boots even if I didn't have foot problems because I love the look of them, but in the dead of summer, it's a no-no).

So, over the past two years, I've come to a sort of compromise. I've been able to wear breezy dresses and still have cute shoes, without feeling like people are judging me because of some ugly scars...


Behold: Gladiator sandals!



Espadrilles!

OK, maybe one day I'll be brave enough, and not give a shit enough about what people think, to go wearing any shoe I damn well please. But when I am trying to look pretty - say wearing a nice dress - I'd rather not my ugly feet ruin the whole look. And then you get the pitying stares and glances and though I was subjected to a lot of it recently in Hawaii (I wasn't about to wear espadrilles on the beach), it something I like to avoid if possible.

Which is why I welcome the above shoes. They are stylish (in my opinion) funky and most of all, they let me feel pretty. And that is something that is priceless.

Which is a good thing, considering my latest purchases are these UGG Espadrilles with sooo fluffy sheepskin soles. Feels like you are walking barefoot on a sheepskin rug:



These way cool, gladiator-themed, leather Jeffrey Campbell sandals - with tie-up ankle cuff that happens to be so IN this year - that look so buttery and rich, that I can't wait to pair them with a really delicate dress (available from Urban Outfitters):


And, most recently, the creme de la creme....Christian Louboutin sandals (as seen on Carmen Electra):




Now I know these last ones are some pretty pricey shoes...but I figure, for someone like me who has been dreaming about having wonderful designer shoes all her life but knowing she could never wear them, this will actually make me look forward to showing off my feet all summer.

And that's flawless.

PS - Keeping with the whole no-bitterness theme I'm trying to get going on in my life, I must share some heartening information with you.

You see, I wrote this post the other day and afterwards, I decided to read up online about this disability that has truly disabled me from doing many things with my life.

Well you know what? I'm pretty damn lucky. After perusing the message boards I have learned the following:

-1 in 1,000 people in North America and the UK are born with club feet (50% have it in both feet, like I did)

-The majority of people seem to be in pain every single day, so much that they discuss the best painkillers to take. They have it regardless of what activities they do and it spreads from the feet all the way to the knees. Most can only wear special orthopedic shoes. I ONLY get pain if I walk for 8 hours a day, or stand around a lot or wear really nasty shoes. And even then, I have never once popped a painkiller for it.

-A lot of people are teased for the way they walk, as they limp around. Now, I WAS teased when I was young but I corrected the way I walked, all by myself. Now, my walk is still unusual as my hips are quite relaxed - it's been compared to Marilyn Monroe's wiggle walk - but people just think I'm trying to be sexy or something, they don't think I've got something wrong with me. Somedays I do find I am limping though but I think that's usually the fault of bad shoes, injury or just waking up with stiff legs.

-A lot of people have other things wrong with them...hammer toes, missing toes, no heel (I have too much heel), so it makes me extremely grateful that I just have ugly scars.

-Famous people with club feet include: Troy Aikman, Mia Hamm, Kristi Yamaguchi, Damon Wayans, Dudley Moore ( a lot more sports players than actors - guess it shows the businesses that rely on vanity don't get it, but with sports, as long as you can play well, who cares).

All in all, after reading all this stuff, I realized that yes, compared to the rest of "normal" society, I do have a birth defect/disability. But compared to most people with said defect, I actually have it quite good. Yes, I have scars but I would rather take that over pain any day and I am grateful to God for keeping me pain-free and able all these years.

And I can wear really neat shoes sometimes.

Bitter Blonde Ale

I woke up on Sunday morning horribly hungover and in a resolute state of mind. My Sunday 845AM class was cancelled which was brilliant and allowed me to sleep in and snuggle with the Rockstar. We had been up till 430 AM, grabbing last minute food after his show at a local lounge - the first time I have been able to drink a lot and stay up late on a Saturday in months.

Anyhoo, due to my debauchary and my tendency to buy everyone shots when I'm drinking, I can't say I was very sober near the end. But I was bitter. Oh yes.

While munching (no, devouring) a late-night club sandwhich and sipping a caeser (yeah, not so wise at 3AM), I went on what must have been an hour long rant about life. Feeling bitter because of people my age who are successful while I'm not, complaining about my lack of funds (note: would have a lot more money if I didn't buy people shots) and bitching about Mik (remember her? Well she was at the show and completely SNUBBED me. I was totally expecting an in-your-face apology from her since she seemed so "sorry" about it on Facebook but she just ignored me, that stupid cunt). Anyway, my poor but wonderfully patient bf had to listen to all of it and then gave me his advice (which is always right).

I don't remember what his advice is though, maybe it coincides with the following, but I woke up on Sunday morning thinking: Why the hell am I so bitter all the time?

And thus I have started to shuck the bitterness aside and start being happy. Be happy FOR people, stop comparing myself and my journey to everyone elses and concentrate on how I can appreciate what I have, right here, right now.

OK, easier said than done, but it's a start. Plus I read a review about an interesting book, Complaint Free World, the 21-day challenge by Will Bowen. Basically you wear a purple bracelet for 21-days and every time you complain, you move your bracelet to the other wrist and start all over again.

Ugh. Don't think I could make it, but I think the point - replacing negative thoughts with positive ones - is a great thing.

See? I'm on a roll already :)

It could only happen to ME...

That's my name, don't wear it out:)

So, I was supposed to have an exciting day. I had an interview for an internship with one of Canada's largest TV production companies that makes programs for Discovery, Travel Network, Movie Central, CBC etc. That was supposed to be the excitement of the day.

Well the internship went well. I got it. I will be in the development office, reading and critiquing scripts that come in, coming up with ideas for shows (and, apparently, seriously pitching it to a broadcaster) and researching documentaries. Stuff like that. Stuff that's exciting and fun and that I would be really, really good at.

Now there is no promise of securing a full-time position afterwards but I think if I could work really hard, I may be able to pull it off or at least get a glowing recommendation from them as I pursue development with other companies (luckily in Vancouver, there are tons of production companies about).

So I am super duper excited about that.

Another cool thing comes on the heels of feeling low about myself for the last wee while. You see, I started questioning whether I am really supposed to be a writer. What if I only think I can write but I really can't and no one is telling me so? What if I have been kidding myself all these years? What if the talent that I hope I have is missing, or was never there to begin with?

Then I started wondering if I should bother writing my scripts to begin with. If only someone in the industry could read them and TELL ME that I have talent. Or that I suck and should just forget it. Accept that I won't be a writer and move on.

Well, in Hawaii, I got an email from one of the agencies I submitted my script to. They aren't interested. They read it and, well, that's that. They never told me why, just that they decided to pass on taking me on as a client. I took that really, really hard. One rejection to me meant that they would all reject me. And if I couldn't be a writer, who was I? What was I good at? Oh the mysteries of life.

Then today, I got a simple email back from a well-known producer who had read my script. She said:

I have read your script and enjoyed very much, however, it is not a project we are able to pursue at this time. We are currently looking for scripts that fit into a lower budget category and since it takes place in various beautiful European settings, it unfortunately takes it out of the running for us at this time. Like I said, I really enjoyed it and think you are a very good writer. I would be happy to read more of your work, if you think you have something that fits within our current parameters. Please do send more along.

Gah! You hear that? I am a good writer! That's all I needed to know to continue my hard work and my dreams. Will it be easy? No. But now that I have encouragement to keep going, that it's not all a lost cause, that I'm not like half the dreamers on American Idol, I WILL keep going! Plus, I just sent off another one of my scripts to her (an arguably better one) so who knows?

But that's not even the BIG excitement of the day. The "it could only happen to me" type of thing.

Today I was supposed to pay my tuition for school (yeah, it's a tad late since school is over in a few weeks). Anyway, I was going to put it all on my Mastercard but had to go to the Bank of Montreal on Burrard st (this is downtown Vancouver) to pay down my card a little bit.

As I entered the bank, I noticed I was walking behind this man who gave me the creeps, right off he bat. He had baggy, paint-splattered jeans, a black baseball cap, dark wrap around shades, long frazzled and dirty grey hair and beard.

And a big coat in which he kept his hands in both front pockets. It looked like he had something...pointy...in them.

So as we are walking to line up at the teller, I notice two security gaurds glance at him suspiciously. Already, I was suspicious.

We went through the maze of poles to the front of the line. I was right behind him. And suddenly I knew that he was here to rob the bank and I was going to be stuck in the middle of it.

Maybe I should leave, I thought. I was directly behind him, I could quickly run out. But I decided to stay. Because I had never been witness to a bank robbery before.

I thought maybe I was just paranoid too, but I knew. Enough that I opened my phone and began to text "I'm at the BMO on Burrard and I think it's going to get held up" to my bf. But before I could finish it, I was next in line. And the teller I was called to was directly beside the man.

As I walked up to my teller, I noticed the sketchy man passed his teller a slip of paper. I knew what was written on that paper. Give me all your money or I'll blow this place up or shoot you all or whatever.

So I nervously made conversation with my bank teller, while we both nervously kept glancing over at the other "transaction" that was taking place.

Now, we were talking for a long time and I was counting cash at some point, so I never saw the robber leave or get handed his demanded money.

But I did see the bank teller in tears, another teller phoning the police, the management show up and announce the bank was closing. And I managed to get out there just as the cops showed up and before it was all in lockdown. Hell, I couldn't stay for the show, I had an interview to go to!

My first bank robbery, Canadian style. No guns, no hostages, no "everybody get down on the ground!" Just a piece of paper calmly handed over while everyone else (except for me) remains oblivious.

So that was my day. And it's not even over yet :)

How to: get out of bed in the morning

Sure, it's easy when every morning you are faced with the above staring you in the face. Whilst in Maui, the Rockstar and I were waking up naturally, without an alarm, at about 730-8AM every day. There was something invigorating about hearing birdsong through the windows, the naturally bright light filling the room and the prospect of having my kona coffee and guava-strawberry slathered bagel outside on the sun-drenched balcony overlooking the ocean.

But now that I am back in the "real" world, I just can't get up! This is nothing new, I've always had a tendency to sleep in. But I'm tired of it, for lack of a better word.

Of course, if I had a job and were waking up to my alarm at 730 AM everyday, I wouldn't be sleeping in. But aside from rising (super) early on Saturdays and Sundays, my school is in the evening on weekdays. So there is no real need for me to get up at a certain time.

And yet there is! I have so much work to do, everyday is packed full (especially this week) of homework, projects, script stuff, etc that I really can't afford to sleep in.

But I do it anyway.

Why? Mainly because I'm tired....but why am I so tired? I get 8 hours of sleep....I'm tired even if I get ten hours of sleep. How come in Hawaii, I was up and at them and raring to go, regardless of how well I slept? Why did I have energy there and not here? It's only been a week, not even, since I got back!

One reason could be a day like today. It's dark, raining and miserable. This is Vancouver. It's often this way and I need to find out a way to get up and face the day, no matter how crappy it is. I mean, I am writing this right now, at noon, and all I can think about is how badly I want to go back to bed. WHY???????

So, I am totally open to suggestions here...how do you manage to get up out of bed and get started (especially you people who get up earlier than they should)? How can I look forward to my day? Remember, I don't have class till 630PM and while I do have to spend at least half of my day doing school stuff, there is another half in which I just sleep or sit around on my ass and look at that wretched Facebook and gossip sites.

I've read on Maddie's wonderful Vancouver blog that she gets herself up with promises of breakfast treats. I've been doing that too....Kona coffee, mango slices and waffles with guava jelly (not as good as my Hawaiin breakfasts but it'll do). But I want to be eating this at 9AM, not 11AM. I want to do things that will get me out of the house (and not cost money, since I have none). I even planned on this today, to walk to the gym, but I didn't because it was "raining" out and so I went back to sleep. I am officially my own worst enemy here, sabotaging any good intention that I have.

Is it laziness? Tiredness? Procrastination? How do I overcome this and where do I start?

Sunset Tiki Punch

So, my trip to Maui seems like a distant memory thanks to impending money troubles, intense school projects and my usual quarter-life crisis and self-introspection.

Thankfully, I've found a way to try and ease my troubles and bring some of those carefree balmy breezes back into my life. No, the solution is not at the bottom of a glass, but I guarantee you'll feel better by the time you get there.

Perfect for rewarding yourself for surviving monday, behold my Sunset Tiki Punch:

1 shot dark rum
1 shot Malibu Passionfruit rum
1/2 shot of grenadine syrup
1 1/2 cups of Guava juice
A splash of orange juice to top it off

Put igredients into a mixer with ice. Shake, pour into funky glass, add a pinapple triangle and an umbrella. Drink. Sigh.

Talk about a classy entrance...

I'm back! And so is my butt.

Maui was amazing and it feels like I've been gone forever...I'm having a hard time getting into the swing of things, including blogging. So until I feel armed and ready to enter the blogosphere, I'll leave you with a picture of my boogie boarding attempts and a link to HERE where you can look at some mouth-watering pictures of Maui on my travel blog (don't worry, it's pictures of food, no more near-nudity).