Daily Dose of Evil

So, I'm sure many of you know that Jodie Foster is a lesbian. And that she seems to be a tough little cookie - after all, I would never mess with her, she'd put you in a panic room, or escape into the hidden passages of your airplane or act all Nell-like. I did appreciate her in Silence of the Lambs because she gave Clarice Starling such vulnerability. But for the most part, she just seems too "hard" for my liking.

Which might explain this quote, taken from her interview in the Daily Mail: ""Look, it's terrible, I know, but weakness really, really bugs me, to the point that if there is a wounded bird on the sidewalk, I look at it and I go: I think I'll just kick it."

I really hope that is taken out of context because someone who would kick a dying bird, just because it's not strong enough, well...that kind of constitutes as Evil in my books, or at least slightly sociopathic.

Oddly enough though, if you continue reading the article, all it does is lambaste Foster for leaving her partner of 12 years or whatever for a younger woman - ironically both women are named Cindy.

It even goes so far as to use the bird quote as reasoning for the "latest malicious act in her life."

So she dumped her long-term gf for someone younger? So what? This happens ALL THE TIME. Men are always up and leaving women, trading them in for a younger model. It's not right and it sucks but it happens and that's just a fact of life. How come Foster is suddenly labbeled as cruel and heartless because she did it? Is it just because of the bird quote (because yes, by that I would have to label her just that but it doesn't really apply to relationships, or does it?) or is it because they are both women and because so, it's so UNHEARD OF for a woman to act like a man occasionally?

I don't know. I'm no feminist, not in the least - but I do feel that there is a bit of a double standard here. It would be less complicated, perhaps, if Foster wasn't an injured bird beater.

Speaking of women acting like men, Sex and the City comes out today. I am vaguely intersted in seeing it. I mean, I loved the show, have most seasons on DVD. But I'm not chomping at the bit to see it - I could easily wait till DVD. The problem is, I know every single woman I know is going to see it this weekend, so I may just feel a bit out of the loop.

I'm actually really looking forward to The Happening and The Dark Knight instead (and was looking forward to Indiana Jones but I've seen it already - I liked it a lot, despite crazy George Lucas's influence at the end there). Maybe it's the tomboy in me or just the fact that strangely, though I enjoy writing romantic comedies, I actually prefer to watch action/adventure/thrillers such as Iron Man (which was freakin' fantastic). I draw the line at The Hulk though - I have no idea how that's going to turn out to be remotely good at all - Ed Norton, what were you thinking?

Job Hunting

Ack. Sorry for my lack of attention. My dear Kiwi was in town for the week, bringing along her bf from Montreal and I was delegated to be their tour guide (despite them both having lived in Vancouver for a year). Luckily I quit my job so I was able to fully enjoy my week with them - the timing was perfect. After all, had I still been working at HELL I would have been mega busy and super stressed all week. Now I was only busy doing fun, summery things and mildly stressed due to various attemps at job hunting.

You may have wondered where my last blog post disappeared to. Well, I applied for a job as a poker writer. I may not know EVERYTHING about poker but being a writer, research is the best part. And boy did I research. But ufortunately the people wanted to see my blog - I guess I mentioned it off-hand or something. At any rate, I had to go through a quick clean-up and make sure it was more "potential employer friendly."

At any rate, my efforts were useless. I was passed up for the job AFTER submitting my writing samples. That either means I can't write worth a damn, or perhaps I just wasn't suited to poker writing. I am hoping its more the latter on that one - although when the woman called to let me know that they weren't going to take me on, she added that she enjoyed my "travel and fashion articles."

I haven't written a fashion article in my whole entire life. What I sent her was all my published writing from my past job, interviewing filmmakers and so on and one travel article. Where the hell does "fashion" fit in there? It makes me angry to think that after meeting me, they probably just read the first article - travel - and then assumed all the rest were fashion ones because I'm blonde and a girl and that's what I would write about. No wonder they didn't think I could write about poker if they are just going to base everything on a stereotype.

ARG.

Anyway, the job hunting commences in full-swing this week. As long as it pays well, I'm applying. Even if I feel like I am stooping to another level, or not using any of my education or any of my talents, I know I am going to just have to take SOMETHING until my "real" job comes along. Too bad the real job takes some real patience. And luck. And I don't have either - hence why I suck at poker.

Moving Jobs?

I haven't blogged about my job yet, have I? Hmmm, I better get on that.

Perhaps you would like to know what exactly I do, and what my typical day is like. Maybe you don't. Either way, I'm going to tell you.

I am the production coordinator at an ad agency that deals with enviromental and politcal stuff.

So what is my job like...well.

On my first day of work, I walked into the office and took a good look around. It was a friggin pig sty. Pizza boxes everywhere. Various office supplies scattered haphazardly about.

"We cleaned up for you," Rob said proudly. "Tried to make it look like less of a college dorm." They didn't succeed. Rob was a likeable guy, a carpenter with no political or advertising experience, and along with Mike, and the BOSS, and I guess me, we made up the Vancouver office. Four others made up the New York office.

Rob had only been there a couple of months. Mike had only been there a year. In this 15 year-old company, he was their longest employee. Red Flag #1.

My first day was OK, considering Mike was a terrible teacher and with each minute I realized that I would have to repeatedly ask to be shown how to do things. I also realized how horribly unorganized the office and their "system" was - and how screwed I was considering how horribly unorganized I AM.

Part of the chaos comes from the fact that the office is split in two. One here in Vancouver,the other in New York. I had no idea that despite the time difference, the offices operate as one. Talk about confusing.

"So the boss is away today?" I asked Mike.

"Yeah, but he gets in tomorrow." He looked at me (looked at my chest actually - I always had a feeling that Mike hired me more for my looks rather than my resume - which he apparently really liked too), paused. "The Boss has a problem with women, I thought I would warn you. He means well, but he will get in your face and yell. He's very moody. The last one in this position, she ended up yelling back at him and well, she doesn't work here anymore." Red Flag #2.

I suddenly remember my phone interview with Mike. Me:"Is this a nice, friendly place to work, because my last job was such a tense, unsupportive environment, I couldn't go through that again."

Mike:"Well, when there are deadlines, we will all yell and scream at each other. But we can still go for a beer at the end of the day." Red Flag #3.

Second day on the job and I meet the boss again (he briefly interviewed me). He seems nice enough still, like the nice guy who hired me. And when I mentioned I could get pirated software instead of buying it (thus saving them money) he beams, then shoots a look at Mike (who handles the budget), "Oh Mike is definitely going to marry you now - saving money, you're his perfect woman." Mike turns red. So do I, as I scurry back to my part of the office - that was definitely an awkward thing to say, right out of The Office.

In my part of the office, I meet Lindsay, a timid, young graphic designer who comes in when needed.

A few hours later, I hear the Boss on the phone with a client. "Do your fucking job, you fucking moron. Stop this bullshit - BLAM - this is fucking ridiculous - BOOM - do you fucking understand me - BLAM - well do you? - BOOM! FUCK"

The BLAM is him kicking the wastebasket. The BOOM is him THROWING IT AT THE WALL. The swearing keeps coming and his voice gets louder and louder. Soon the phone is CHUCKED ACROSS THE ROOM. He slams door for the hell of it. And then he starts yelling at Mike and Rob. Calling them fucking morons for something or other. Red Flag #4.

I look at Lindsay. She's huddled over her work. She rolls her eyes, "Yeah he does this every day." Red Flag #5. "We had another graphic designer before me," she continues, "She came in on her first day. He yelled at her just like this. She cried and never came back. Normally Rob and Mike are his punching bags." I could still hear Don screaming at them for something that I will later find out had nothing to do with them.

The next week, Don is gone for the whole time. He's in DC. The atmosphere in the office is pleasant. Until I am introduced to OTHER BOSS - he's in New York. He likes to call you a lot and find fault with everything you do. Several times a day.
My first EVER conversation with OTHER BOSS went something like this: "The timesheet you sent me was corrupted."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I'll fix it."
Him: "Sigh. We are off to a rather auspicious start, aren't we? (his voice is totally dry, seething with contempt) Well, I have here in the schedule that Stefan is supposed to be sending the finished logo to the client. Has he done that?"
Me: "I assume so."
Him: "See, you just started and we already have a problem. In this business you, NEVER assume."
I try and make a joke out of it, Me:"Right, cuz it makes an ass out of U and Me." Him: "Don't think we haven't heard that before. There is no joking in this business."
Obviously. Red Flag #6
Me: "I will check with Stefan to see if he's done it."
Him: "Yes that's your job. You have to make sure everyone does their job. You have to call and remind them several times a day. You have to hound them."

Later I found out that as much as I email, harass and phone one of my colleagues, they still won't get things done. And that it's my fault because I OBVIOUSLY didn't harrass them enough.

A glorified babysitter. This is my job. I am also a middleman. When my co-worker has something that needs to get done, such as a logo for a client, they come to me. I choose from the list of vendors - the list that everyone has because I update it everyweek and send it to them - and then tell the vendor what to do. I don't actually KNOW what they are to do, because I have no idea what the project is, but I pass the info on. Then the vendor does it, passes it back to me. I pass it back to the co-worker. He wants somethings fixed. He tells me. I tell the person.

Can you imagine what would happen if you eliminated my job? The co-worker would tell the vendor directly and exactly what they wanted. The vendor would pass the project directly to the co-worker to review. GASP! THE SIMPLICITY OF IT ALL! Red Flag #7

Oh, and I also coordinate the schedule. Meaning, I BUG people to tell me what they have planned for their clients in the coming week. Most of the time, I get half-assed responses (which OTHER BOSS likes to pick apart because half-assed is not good enough - mind you these are THEIR responses, not mine). Then I fill it in the schedule for everyone to see. But nobody actually bothers opening it up and looking at it. Then I look at what people are to be doing in the next week and I start harassing them about that: Have you done it yet? When is it going to be done? Will it get done? Can you tell me when it's done? Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet?

Another part of my job is to hire new freelancers. We suddenly needed an ad reel compiled. Our regular editor was no longer available. My boss was in a huff, in my face, telling me it had to be DONE NOW! FIND A FINAL CUT-PRO EDITOR FOR TOMORROW!

Luckily, I had already put an ad on Craigslist out a few days ago, forseeing that our regular editor would be booked. I asked for help on picking the right candidate cuz I knew nothing about hiring, but everyone said to figure it out myself - all they had to know was Final Cut Pro.

So I hired a guy who had a good demo reel and lots of experience and off we went. The guy, Duane, comes in. Of course, the boss is an hour late so I have to explain what to do. Problem is, no one told me what he has to do, what the project is, etc. I don't even know how to operate the giant computer he would be working on. So the first hour is wasted.

And then my BOSS tries to explain to Duane what he wants and HOLY HELL is my Boss horrible at explaining things. And when Duane makes a mistake, the Boss gets pissed off.

I start to feel sorry for Duane. Here is this guy who has never been here before, neatly dressed in a suit, with various degrees in journalism and communications and tons of professional editing experience - being lectured by my dumb old boss.

My boss later yells at me as I walk by. "Where the hell did you find this guy? He asks too many questions. Remember, we like them dumb around here. Next time you hire someone, try to keep them dumb, OK? Just get him to finish up and get him out of here." Red Flag #8.

Notice I say yell, because he did yell it and poor Duane is sitting in the next room and can obviousyly hear everything.

The kicker comes later. It's the end of the day, the boss has somewhere to go. He storms in the room, "How are you doing Duane?"

Duane looks scared. "I'm just trying to compress the files before we can burn it."

"Is it compressing?"

"I think so."

The BOSS's voice turns cold, "I think so? I THINK SO? I THINK SO ISN'T A FUCKING ANSWER. THIS IS A YES OR NO QUESTION. IS IT WORKING?"

"I - I, think so, I haven't used this type of software before to compress."

"THAT"S NOT A FUCKING ANSWER - EITHER IT'S WORKING OR IT'S NOT. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM IF YOU ARE FUCKING INCOMPETENT, YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS."

"Yes, then it's working."

"I FUCKING HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT." The Boss storms in the room and looks at me, "WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKING HIRE THIS GUY, WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU FUCKING MAKE SURE HE COULD FUCKING USE THE SOFTWARE?"

I couldn't even speak, I was so afraid. And no, I am no exagerating on how many times he yelled the F-word at Duane.

So the boss storms out, leaving me and duane in silence and all I could think about was how embarassed I was to work for a man like that.

And that's when I decided to quit.

At first I was thinking of doing two weeks, find another job. But when another yell fest from the BOSS and another critical pick-apart from OTHER BOSS drove me to tears on Friday, I realized I'm not coming back. The long weekend is upon me and it's going to be even longer because Monday I am sending them my letter of resignation and telling them exactly why I can't work in such a tense, poisonous atmosphere, doing a ridiculous job that shouldn't even exist and in an industry I don't give two shits about. Not to mention the fact that I work 9-6 but am barely allowed to leave for lunch - they expect you to eat quickly at your desk and shut up. Did I also mention I had to FIGHT to get the holiday off? A statutory holiday that they weren't going to give. To think I would have to do that each time a stat holiday came up - not to mention that the benefits that were promised were non-existent.

So yeah. That WAS my job. I am not sure what I am going to do now since I need money, but I have my 2 weeks pay behind me and I think I'm going to join a temp firm and do that work until I find a job that I love - or atleast won't be afraid to step in the office every day.

Life's too short to spend your life in fear.

Moving days

Rockstar, Me and his lovely sister

So there was a tiny hickup in my moving out plans which has now been resolved quite wonderfully.

Originally, as you may recall, I was to sell my apartment at about now, and then find a one-bedroom and den. Josh - who is still crashing on my couch at the moment - will then live in the den and pay me rent. In October, when Rockstar's lease is up at his place, Josh would move out of the den and Rockstar would move in with me and pay me rent. Huzzah, right?

Well unfortunately, I can't afford a one bedroom and den. I can only get approved for a $200,000 mortgage and even combined with the direct deposit of $50K, that's still only $250K and one-bedroom + dens go for about...I dunno, 310-350K. Yep, I live in one of the world's most desirable cities and in the most desirable section of that city (downtown, by the beach and park), so places aren't exactly cheap. But I love it here and after years of traveling around the world, I finally appreciate this place I've called home all my life.

Anyhoo, I'm $100K short of my dream apartment. Seems I am set to toil in my tiny studio until my dying day.

That was until the Rockstar and I figured something out. We want to move in together in October at any rate - not because it would save money but because it feels like the the right thing to do.

So we decided we would both buy the place together. He'll get a mortgage, we'll combine it with mine and tada - suddenly we can afford a one-bedroom and den and in the neighbourhod we want.

Now, I know if you read back years ago, I felt very strongly AGAINST cohabitation before marriage. I believed that if you lived together, the guy would NEVER propose because why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. And while I still think that's a valid point, I also believe it differs according to relationship. In my last one, my ex was a huge believer in moving in together - I resisted because I thought that by being seperate, that would eventually convince him to take the next step. Naive, I know. He dumped me anyway, didn't matter how little I saw him. Funny thing is, the thought of living with him never made me happy. It's funny how you can be in love with someone but at the same time not really like them as a person.

The Rockstar and I (and both our parents) know that marriage is down the line for us - we've talked about it openly and have agreed on it. When that happens, who knows...I for one am no longer concerned about a timeline (OK, well, at least before I'm 30 please!) and am totally enjoying taking it one day at a time. After all, he is younger than me so he needs sometime to catch up, plus, we've only been together almost 11 months. So we both know that moving in together isn't where things end, but where they begin.

And of course, it's a big step. Not only moving in, but buying in. Luckily we are doing it for the right reasons - I would want to live with him whether he could get a mortgage or not. I just honestly love being in his company and because our relationship works so well and so easily, I know that this decision is a sound one, even though there will of course be trying times ahead.

But we both aren't stupid. A contract will be drawn up by a lawyer, stipulating what will happen to the place in the event that we split - same proceedings as in a divorce. Either the other party sells or offers to buy the other one out. No "The Break-Up Part Two" here. And thankfuly my rockstar is NOT Vince Vaughan in the slightest.


So, the new plan? My apartment will go up for sale in June, with a completion date of October 1st. I've already got a real estate agent who will both sell my place and find us a new one. Actually, she's the same lady who sold me MY place, so she knows exactly what she's selling!

Then in July, Rockstar and I will start looking for our perfect place, which will give us three months to find it. What are our demands? A large one-bedroom or one-bedroom and den (posibly even a two-bedroom if the price isn't that big of a jump). A place that allows pets (we will probably get a dog in the next few years). Has a dishwasher, possibly an in-suite laundry. Has a balcony. And will be located in the same neighbourhood I am in now - that way I can still walk to work, he can walk to his band rehearsel space and take the upcoming skytrain to his work.

Of course, until October, I am stuck in my studio. But let's look on the bright side, shall we? Yes my building sucks and I can't change that. But the location is still awesome, the ten-minute walk to work is amazing, Summer is COMING and the pool on the roof is now OPEN! Plus soon the beaches (2 min walk) will be prime for sunbathing, having picnics and wine (OMG I can't wait till I can drink again - see last post). And once Josh moves out with his friend (end of the month), I'll have my studio all to myself - plus, having to get the apartment ready for listings will mean making it very minimalist. I've already taken down a lot of art from the walls and I am amazed and how much bigger my place looks already! Not a bad place to spend the summer.

I, personally, am still extremely excited for the fall though. Yes, moving in together can be rough at first, but we aren't like your average couple. It took us 10 months to have an actual fight, and I actually enjoyed it! I'd never heard him raise his voice at me - it was a nice change, as silly as that sounds. In fact, my old job is developing a reality show about couples who are looking to take the next step, and we were going to be one of the couples. However, after they conducted interviews and seperate surveys with us, they changed their mind. They said we were way too healthy as a couple, didn't have any drama or things we wanted to change about the person or reoccuring fights. They said they wanted couples who at least had an issue or two and, according to them, we don't.

Which is a shame because I really wanted to be on this show, but I guess we still win anyway :)

28 Days

First off, let me apologize for not keeping in touch as well as I should be. With my first real week of work just kicking in, I'm finding it hard to find the time to concentrate and write in my dear blog. Rest assured, I will come around and start updating you more on my life - as terribly unexciting as it is! I will also start taking a gander at your blogs, I feel so out of touch and out of the loop with all of you!!

I would also like to thank you all for voting for my mum in the makeover contest. Sadly, she didn't win. I don't understand how since I had everyone under the sun voting but perhaps the other person had more friends - or maybe looked like she needed it more. Regardless, she still was in the top ten out of thousands (actually that is probably not a good thing) anyway she gets a $100 gift certificate to a spa so that's pretty sweet - she really deserves it.

Work is going OK for now, I know it's going to be one of those good/bad day jobs that will totally depend on the mood of my boss - but more on that in a later post.

What I wish to discuss with you today, dear readers, is what I am currently going through. Ei, HELL!

I have been plagued with stomach problems since I was 12, I have been tired for as long as I can remember - these are just part of my life. But lately I have been SO bloated that I can barely do up my pants, my stomach literally will stick out so it looks as if I am pregnant. I can only wear baggy clothes - plus I am gaining weight too!

So I started seeing a naturopath doctor after realizing that most doctors dont have time to care or listen - that's free health care for ya!

My naturopath is really nice and we spent an hour discussing my health history. There are many reasons for my tummy problems, one might have to do with frequent antibitotic use which can destroy the gut - the other may be an allergy.

So he decided to put me on a cleanse. Not the wild rose or master cleanse but a medically-supervised TWENTY EIGHT DAY cleanse.

I am on day four at the moment and boy...it's not easy.

Basically, the plan is to get me eating as "clean" as possible over the next month and start getting rid of the toxins in my body. Then we will add back foods to my diet - slowly - and see which ones make me tick.

So, what does this wonderful cleanse consist of? Well, there are too many things I have to cut out, the mains ones being NO CAFFEINE (tea, chocolate, coffee), NO BOOZE (soooo hard with so many social situations coming up!), No Wheat (and wheat is in everything), No corn, NO DAIRY, no SOY, No sugar (or honey or fake sugar). No pop. No nothing, really.

What can I have? All veggies, all fruits (except for Oranges), Rice, millet, olive oil, spices, nuts (except peanuts), rice or almond milk, beans, fish, chicken, turkey and lamb.

Sounds like the ingredients of a wholesome dog food.

Oh, and acidophuolus capsules (the good bacteria because my antibiotic use has rid my body of it and I seem to only produce the bad kind) AND a liver detoxfying vitamin/protein shake that tastes like Vanilla sludge that I will take up to three times a day.

Like I said, I am on day four - I'm still bloated but - and excuse my graphicness - for someone who isn't very "regular" I am going shithouse like 6 times a day! It's insane! I know this is vital cuz I need to get rid of the toxins but geeeeez. I'm tired too, as I am going through caffeine withdrawal, and yesterday it felt like I had the flu (a side effect of withdrawal as well).

It's super hard to go into a coffee shop and just get herbal tea, especially when I know a hit of caffeine would jolt me up - plus passing up those free samples of coffee cakes isn't fun.

But I'm doing this for my health, to finally get to the bottom of this, and I know I have to follow this through till the end.

Seriously.

Doctor's orders

It's almost May...

So someone please explain.....







THIS!:


Now before any of you start making Cold Canada jokes let me remind you that the above also happened all over Washington state this past Friday - and normally we only see snow RARELY and in January. NOT IN APRIL! And not when the rest of the freakin' country is breaking out the sandals and shorts.

Honestly, I don't know who to blame or get angry at. I've tried shaking my fist at God but he just shrugs like somehow Global Warming is OUR fault or something. SHEESH!

Anyway, as you know I am a boot-wearing gal so I decided to embrace "Spring" and wear a dress and sandals on Friday to my bf's rawk show. Little did I know, the MINUTE I got in my car and drove to his house it started to HAIL. And then while we were at the show, it started to snow. SNOW. In April. In Vancouver which should be at least 20C (70F for ya yanks) at this time of year. SNOOOOOOOOW!



But despite the snowy weirdness and my shaken faith that the weather will eventually get better, the rockstar and I headed out to the Washington State town of Bellingham to use a free hotel coupon and eat at the Olive Garden. Luckily it was sunny (though fucking cold) and the night away from the city did us a lot of good. It's amazing how just a night in a hotel, even if it's near your own place, is so rejuvenating. And though I had been to Bellingham many, many times before (or should I say I've been to the mall, many, many times before) we still took some time out to explore the cute historic town of Fairhaven where silly photos took place.




Did I also mention that Josh is back in town and rooming with me?

It's a bit difficult at the moment because I am so damn tired from work that all I want to do is sleep - and Josh is the essence of a night owl. But we make it work.
I mean I know he is really trying to be as quiet as possible at night but I can still hear him through my earplugs (remember, we share a room - cuz my apartment is just that)plus when the light is on, I just can't sleep. I really wish I wasn't such a light sleeper. Thankfully I bought a new sleep mask and stronger earplugs so lets hope they work so I can at least get a good nights sleep for tomorrow.

Today was the first day at Insight Film Studios and I was so unbelievably tired - though that might have had something to more with going to bed completely and utterly stoned last night. Anyhoo, the internship is OK though its a big studio so I feel kind of lost and unimportant - the last place I was at was much more personable and smaller and I know they really appreciated me. I miss them already!

Also, at the new place I have a feeling that they think I will be working for longer than I thought I would be - I heard them mention "throughout the month." Lemme just say that the MINUTE I get a job, my free labour days are done.

And because I have a meeting with a producer tomorrow morning, a job might be closer than I think. At least I hope so because with my EI clock ticking down, I may just have to take a temp job as a last resort - hell, anything with money is a good thing.


But I'm not going to go into too much more of this since you've already heard it...instead, let's talk about SUMMER and all the exciting concerts coming up.

So far, I am going to:

1) Mark Knopfler in July (Dire Straights)
2)Jack Johnson in August
3) Radiohead (woot) in August
4) Potentially STP in August (double woot)
5) Potentially NIN at the Pemberton Festival in July

What shows/concerts are YOU excited about????

Taking the initiative

So...things are looking up. Which is such a relief because I was so depressed about two days ago. Two potential job leads turned out to be ANOTHER internship - one they wanted someone to work in Casting for A MONTH for no pay, the other was being an administrative person for a film organization - two days a week, no pay.

Do people REALLY need interns to do admin work? I mean, come on, fork over the $10 an hour and actually hire someone to do it.

You know, if I didn't have massive apartment fees, a mortage and my EI running out in two weeks, I would be totally down for more internships. I mean, in an internship you are really respected because HEY you are working for free and they are just glad to have you there (so I've been told). But you have to draw the line somewhere and come April 25th I would have put in 120 hours of free labour.

Anyway, that cheesed me off that some companies think students will take anything (and we are continuing ed students which means we aren't 21 years old and living with ma and pa - we have done school in the past, been in the workforce for at least a few years and have mortgages to pay, mouths to feed etc). Toss us a frickin bone here - I mean...really.

BUT things are started to look up. I've really hunkered down the last couple of days and started using all my networking skills to line up potential jobs, people, anything.

Let's just say it's paying off - there are a few promising scenarios on the horizon, one involving my script, three (and potentially more) involving awesome jobs in the Film/TV/commercial industry. But I don't want to say any more lest they all go nowhere - however, since I've had such an unusually dynamic, lucky and ironic day, that if anything good does come out of this, I will be sure to tell you all about it. Just want the story to have a happy ending.

PS - I got my hair cut...see:



PPS - You have to try these vodka freezies - just like when you were a kid and had freeze pops - only it has booze in it. Yummy, yummy booze. www.blackflycoolers.com

She works hard for no money, so hard for no money

Man, it feels like its been forever since I have written in this thing. But what can I say, if you read the last post, you'll know just how busy I have been.

Somehow, as daunting as it seemed, I tackled and completed my school WEEK OF HELL. It's all behind me now, thank God, but for shits and giggles you can view two of my projects: A fake distribution company and a fake marketing plan for a fake movie which HAD to be called Broccoli - www.hallewoodpictures.blogspot.com

Of course I just HAD to do it blogstyle, which inspired a lot of my fellow classmates to make their own blogs. And I am happy to say, my teacher loved it too - in fact, he was howling with laughter and called his wife after my presentation to tell her all about it. Once again, last minute projects pay off for (did I mention I did them all in one day?)

So that was that. I am not done school just yet as I have a couple of night classes with regards to career building that will be conducted the week after my internship. Then followed by a graduation ceremony/dinner on the 25th. And then, somehow, this horribly intense four months of school will be....over.

Meanwhile, I am doing my internship.

I like it. I enjoy the people and am doing all sorts of research stuff like calling newstations in Akron, Ohio and trying to acquire footage from the 2003 Blackout or calling Hydro companies and inquiring about shooting locations in their control centers, or going to the library and researching schematic drawings of D-4 and C-45 transport planes. You know, the usual. Not to mention compiling the best database ever of every television broadcaster, and the contact information for every credited director in Canada. Soon to come (at my own prompting) will be script coverage and analysis.

But while I am showing up everyday and working hard for 8 hours a day - UNPAID - while desperately broke and unable to pay bills, I can't help but be a bit disheartened that there is a lot of emphasis on my only being there for two weeks.

See, I was hoping that this could possibly lead to long-term employment. But all I hear is, "Well, when Lusty is gone in two weeks, we'll need to get more help" or "This is lusty, she's helping us in development...for two weeks" or "I'm not sure if you need keys since you will only be here for two weeks" or "I'm not sure how much research you can get done in two weeks" or "Since you'll only be with us for two weeks.,..yadda yadda yadda I GET IT!" I mean, these people KNOW I am actively looking for employment, have expressed interest in getting help from them to find me employment - and then they complain about how overworked their junior development girl is and how hard its going to be for her once I leave. WAY TO RUB IT IN MY FACE!

Of course, it doesn't help that in a seperate department of the company, they took on a fellow classmate of mine as an intern. And pretty much told her if she works hard, she'll have a job. WHAT ABOUT ME?

And then there is another classmate who did her internship in craptastic Toronto. She started at the distribution company on Monday and ALREADY she is Director of marketing and PR, is flying to LA this weekend to promote their new film and going to Cannes Film Festival next month where she will be selling the film and arranging parties for famous people.

I mean....gah. I have no words. And she deserves it, she'd be really good at it. But it seems a bit unfair, that she with no film or corporate business (she was a waitress) is suddenly...SUDDENLY...doing so well.

Life...it's just not fair. And I know this cuz here I am, dying for a job in the business while everyone else seems to get things handed to them. Some people have awesome luck that totally benefits their lives. What's my luck? Being on Inside Edition or witnessing a bank robbery. Nothing useful, just weirdass strange occurances.

But...I'm trying not to complain or shake my fist at God too much - cuz it doesn't work. What I am doing is just barreling down, making the most of my internship and praying that SOMEDAY my hard work and talent (yes, I have that too) will pay off. I know I have said this for what seems like many, many years, but...no...there is not buts. This has to work out, one day.

And as such, I have actually volunteered for another internship for the week after I am done this current one. It's with Insight Films which is kind of a big deal and once again, it probably wont lead to me being hired or anything. But I am hoping, just hoping, that eventually all this FREE hard work I am doing will pay off.

PS thanks to Rachel and Charm School for their Ebay winnings! Hope you enjoy them!

Times they are a changing

It's nearing the end of this particular time of my life...

I am on the last "official week" of my schooling, which mean buckling down and doing a whole bunch of projects at the last minute.

Today I completed my Entertainment Law course (and found out that while I rock at doing script clearances, my notion of music rights is ridiculous...synch rights, publishing rights...whatever, apparently I'm terrible at math).

Tomorrow I have my last marketing class (complete with presentation on a project that I've barely touched on).

Wednesday I have my Film and TV finance final exam AND group project as well (let me just say, never do a co-production with the UK).

Thursday I have my distribution project due and that's gonna kick my ass cuz I haven't started and it involves setting up my own fake distributing company and creating a cash flow over three years...cash flow? I told you I was bad at math!

Saturday I've got my production management final exam (which will be a joke and we will all fail miserably) plus our project and on Sunday I have my EP Scheduling and Budgeting exam.

I know that probably sounds like a lot of nonsense to the lot of you, but I think you get the idea that I'm a busy girl.

THEN next monday, it's the first day of my internship. This I am super-excited about...though I'm not a fan of TV, I know that I will learn a lot (and am so glad to be in the development department) and I am just dying to earn money. Of course, this is just a two-week unpaid internship but I know that if I work my ass off, it will pay off. No more boring jobs for me! And luckily, because Vancouver is the 3rd largest film center in North America (right behind New York), there are tons of production companies to weasel my way into.

But these aren't the only changes.

Tomorrow it's the Rockstars and I's nine month anniversary...

Next Monday it's his 25th Birthday....

On the 14th JOSH returns to live with me in my studio again. Which was to be just temporary until he finds a place BUT....

As you may or may not know, I am selling my wee apartment. You know all the reasons why.

Anyhoo, as soon as employment is secured (end of April) so I can get a new mortgage, I am buying a one-bedroom plus den in the same neighbourhood.

It's going to be a dream come true to actually own a BIGGER AND BETTER place to call my own. The concept of a bedroom, let alone a den, is amazing...hell, I'm excited to have a door! And more walls for my art! And a bigger closet!

Best part of it all is, because Josh is coming back on his working visa (you may remember he moved to Van from New Zealand, moved back to New Zealand in January and decided he missed Vancouver so much that he is coming back in two weeks) he's going to be living in my den. I'll make sure that the room is big enough for a bed, but basically, I'm gonna have a roomate until November-ish.

Now, normally I would have balked at this before, since I am a very solitary person. But to be honest, when Josh lived with me in my studio last year for a month, it was a hell of a lot of fun and I don't see anyone else I would get along better with - other than my Rockstar, but of course, come November, he may just be my next roomate :P

Huzzah for the next couple of months! New job, new script, new home...new outlook on life.

I Love You Guys!

All you blog people make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

As such, I'm giving you a link to all the stuff I am currently selling on Ebay (yup, got the idea from KarinaXOXO).

I mean, all these shoes I keep buying, I have to pay for them SOMEHOW!

So take a look HERE (will be adding more stuff next week) - You will notice that those fab Ugg Shoes are being let go at a REAL bargain (they were just a bit too unstable for my funky feet), so snap them up while you can.

AND if you win an item, as a special gift to you I will throw in either this snazzy leather-like stretchy red belt with metal clasps (size Medium) or patterend olive and white H&M shirt (purchased in Norway, never worn, size small) FOR FREE. It's your choice, while quantities last.

You're so vain?

I am not sure if you all had read my last blog post or not, but basically I talked about how I was born with the physical birth defect of having club feet. The way my feet are and look have been a cross to bear my whole entire life and it is only now that I am coming to terms with it.

Which is why I thought "Kiki"s comment on my last post was a bit...callous:

"To be honest, everything you have mentioned here cannot be classified as 'flaws;' but rather display a much greater flaw: Vanity"

I am actually amazed that someone would take my honest and heartfelt post about a BIRTH DEFECT and try and turn it against me. To try and make me feel even worse about myself and point out the fact that I have GREATER flaws than my feet. What's next? Making fun of the mentally disabled for worrying that they aren't smart enough?

Notice I said TRY, though.

Because a careless remark like that does not shed anymore light on me than it does on the person that left it.

Am I vain? FUCK YES I AM!

But I am vain for many different reasons and NOT my feet. Vanity to me implies worry about something that doesn't always need worry. Believe me, I worry about many a thing that probably doesn't deserve it.

For example, a person who thinks her profile is ugly and is always inspecting it in passing reflections may be considered vain. Is she wrong? A bad person? No, not at all, because we are ALL vain at heart. But her profile probably doesn't affect her daily life. It probably doesn't physically stop her from doing things, doesn't cause people to stare and hasn't caused her grief her whole life (btw I think my profile is awesome...though I'm sure that's vain too).

Now lets say this girl was born with an abnormaly large nose...a profile that would make people stop and stare, or perhaps she doesn't even have a nose.

Now she has a valid reason to be worried, to be "vain" if you will. But suddenly, THAT has become her biggest flaw?

The fact that I have had peers be so cruel to me over the grotesque appearance of my feet that I have had to switch schools? The fact that various gym teachers have tried to humiliate me over the fact that I can't do certain sports, that I run a certain way? Until you have been in my supportive shoes, you can't possibly begin to understand where my "vanity" comes from.

I could go on and on, but the point of my post is that I have finally accepted the state of my feet, and by doing that, the state of myself.

The "vanity" that may seem to come with it is worth it and I will never view it as a flaw. I have 26 years behind me of caring how I measure up to others, but I am done now. Your comment, Kiki, whether you meant it as inconsiderate as it sounds or were going for something different (and obviously missed the mark with me) is no different from the comments I recieved from heartless 13-year old brats who made fun of my disability, and I am proud to say I am done caring about what anyone else thinks about my so-called "flaws."

PS - Now since the comment was left following other comments that were supportive and happy for my coming-to-terms with my problem, I have taken the comment to be condescending and patronizing. I really don't see how I can take it any other way. I'm not usually one to get defensive but when it comes to something dear to me, and this is about as close as it gets, then I'm gonna stand-up for myself. I don't care who you are.



(My feet in their internet debut. This isn't easy for me when I have tried to hide them my whole life, but it's kinda liberating to put them out there and say, yup I'm far from perfect, like it or lump it)

Feet First

We all have our flaws.

I have a lot of them.

A LOT Of them.

Somehow, I manage to make most of them work though, or I'm adept at covering them up.

For example, for my horrendous undereye circles, I have to slather on industrial strength concealer (Amazing Cosmetics and Dermablend make...amazing...ones). Here's a new tip if you suffer from them too - a very sheer dab of orangey red lipstick on top of your bluest part works wonders. That's right, RED. I saw this tip in Shape magazine and it does work - orange/red counteracts blue, just make sure it's a sheer amount and that you use a yellow-based concealer (a shade lighter than your skintone) on top.

For my flat hair, I used bodyfying shampoo and try and keep conditioner only on the ends (though after Hawaiian surf, I'm slathering it everywhere...also contemplating cutting my hair above my shoulders for summer....). I also blow-dry my roots with my head upside down.

I'm not going to delve too much into my secrets or my flaws, because why on earth would I expose what I am trying to hide.

But one thing that I am coming to terms with - my biggest flaw - is my feet.

As you may know (I've blogged about this before), I was born with club feet and after 6 years of casts on them, they are finally normalesque. I mean, they work like feet, look like feet, point in the right direction etc.

But they are ugly motherfuckers. My heels are heavily calloused because I walk heel first, I can't stand on my toes (ligiments too tight), my ankle bones jut out because...actually, I'm not sure why that is, and I have horrible scars on the insides of my leg running from my arch to just past the ankles. Apparently, this is where they repeatedly cut my feet open and replaced all the bones. With what, I am not sure - my feet have never set off any metal detectors...

So, because of having this FLAW my whole entire life, I have made some sacrifices.

I don't ever show my feet - EVER. Boots are my best friends. I can't wear pretty, sexy stiletto heels. Going to the beach is a nightmare. Etc.

But, honestly, this all sucks and I am getting pretty sick of it. I wanna be able to wear a breezy summer dress without having to cover up with boots or a pair of socks (now I actually would wear boots even if I didn't have foot problems because I love the look of them, but in the dead of summer, it's a no-no).

So, over the past two years, I've come to a sort of compromise. I've been able to wear breezy dresses and still have cute shoes, without feeling like people are judging me because of some ugly scars...


Behold: Gladiator sandals!



Espadrilles!

OK, maybe one day I'll be brave enough, and not give a shit enough about what people think, to go wearing any shoe I damn well please. But when I am trying to look pretty - say wearing a nice dress - I'd rather not my ugly feet ruin the whole look. And then you get the pitying stares and glances and though I was subjected to a lot of it recently in Hawaii (I wasn't about to wear espadrilles on the beach), it something I like to avoid if possible.

Which is why I welcome the above shoes. They are stylish (in my opinion) funky and most of all, they let me feel pretty. And that is something that is priceless.

Which is a good thing, considering my latest purchases are these UGG Espadrilles with sooo fluffy sheepskin soles. Feels like you are walking barefoot on a sheepskin rug:



These way cool, gladiator-themed, leather Jeffrey Campbell sandals - with tie-up ankle cuff that happens to be so IN this year - that look so buttery and rich, that I can't wait to pair them with a really delicate dress (available from Urban Outfitters):


And, most recently, the creme de la creme....Christian Louboutin sandals (as seen on Carmen Electra):




Now I know these last ones are some pretty pricey shoes...but I figure, for someone like me who has been dreaming about having wonderful designer shoes all her life but knowing she could never wear them, this will actually make me look forward to showing off my feet all summer.

And that's flawless.

PS - Keeping with the whole no-bitterness theme I'm trying to get going on in my life, I must share some heartening information with you.

You see, I wrote this post the other day and afterwards, I decided to read up online about this disability that has truly disabled me from doing many things with my life.

Well you know what? I'm pretty damn lucky. After perusing the message boards I have learned the following:

-1 in 1,000 people in North America and the UK are born with club feet (50% have it in both feet, like I did)

-The majority of people seem to be in pain every single day, so much that they discuss the best painkillers to take. They have it regardless of what activities they do and it spreads from the feet all the way to the knees. Most can only wear special orthopedic shoes. I ONLY get pain if I walk for 8 hours a day, or stand around a lot or wear really nasty shoes. And even then, I have never once popped a painkiller for it.

-A lot of people are teased for the way they walk, as they limp around. Now, I WAS teased when I was young but I corrected the way I walked, all by myself. Now, my walk is still unusual as my hips are quite relaxed - it's been compared to Marilyn Monroe's wiggle walk - but people just think I'm trying to be sexy or something, they don't think I've got something wrong with me. Somedays I do find I am limping though but I think that's usually the fault of bad shoes, injury or just waking up with stiff legs.

-A lot of people have other things wrong with them...hammer toes, missing toes, no heel (I have too much heel), so it makes me extremely grateful that I just have ugly scars.

-Famous people with club feet include: Troy Aikman, Mia Hamm, Kristi Yamaguchi, Damon Wayans, Dudley Moore ( a lot more sports players than actors - guess it shows the businesses that rely on vanity don't get it, but with sports, as long as you can play well, who cares).

All in all, after reading all this stuff, I realized that yes, compared to the rest of "normal" society, I do have a birth defect/disability. But compared to most people with said defect, I actually have it quite good. Yes, I have scars but I would rather take that over pain any day and I am grateful to God for keeping me pain-free and able all these years.

And I can wear really neat shoes sometimes.

Bitter Blonde Ale

I woke up on Sunday morning horribly hungover and in a resolute state of mind. My Sunday 845AM class was cancelled which was brilliant and allowed me to sleep in and snuggle with the Rockstar. We had been up till 430 AM, grabbing last minute food after his show at a local lounge - the first time I have been able to drink a lot and stay up late on a Saturday in months.

Anyhoo, due to my debauchary and my tendency to buy everyone shots when I'm drinking, I can't say I was very sober near the end. But I was bitter. Oh yes.

While munching (no, devouring) a late-night club sandwhich and sipping a caeser (yeah, not so wise at 3AM), I went on what must have been an hour long rant about life. Feeling bitter because of people my age who are successful while I'm not, complaining about my lack of funds (note: would have a lot more money if I didn't buy people shots) and bitching about Mik (remember her? Well she was at the show and completely SNUBBED me. I was totally expecting an in-your-face apology from her since she seemed so "sorry" about it on Facebook but she just ignored me, that stupid cunt). Anyway, my poor but wonderfully patient bf had to listen to all of it and then gave me his advice (which is always right).

I don't remember what his advice is though, maybe it coincides with the following, but I woke up on Sunday morning thinking: Why the hell am I so bitter all the time?

And thus I have started to shuck the bitterness aside and start being happy. Be happy FOR people, stop comparing myself and my journey to everyone elses and concentrate on how I can appreciate what I have, right here, right now.

OK, easier said than done, but it's a start. Plus I read a review about an interesting book, Complaint Free World, the 21-day challenge by Will Bowen. Basically you wear a purple bracelet for 21-days and every time you complain, you move your bracelet to the other wrist and start all over again.

Ugh. Don't think I could make it, but I think the point - replacing negative thoughts with positive ones - is a great thing.

See? I'm on a roll already :)

It could only happen to ME...

That's my name, don't wear it out:)

So, I was supposed to have an exciting day. I had an interview for an internship with one of Canada's largest TV production companies that makes programs for Discovery, Travel Network, Movie Central, CBC etc. That was supposed to be the excitement of the day.

Well the internship went well. I got it. I will be in the development office, reading and critiquing scripts that come in, coming up with ideas for shows (and, apparently, seriously pitching it to a broadcaster) and researching documentaries. Stuff like that. Stuff that's exciting and fun and that I would be really, really good at.

Now there is no promise of securing a full-time position afterwards but I think if I could work really hard, I may be able to pull it off or at least get a glowing recommendation from them as I pursue development with other companies (luckily in Vancouver, there are tons of production companies about).

So I am super duper excited about that.

Another cool thing comes on the heels of feeling low about myself for the last wee while. You see, I started questioning whether I am really supposed to be a writer. What if I only think I can write but I really can't and no one is telling me so? What if I have been kidding myself all these years? What if the talent that I hope I have is missing, or was never there to begin with?

Then I started wondering if I should bother writing my scripts to begin with. If only someone in the industry could read them and TELL ME that I have talent. Or that I suck and should just forget it. Accept that I won't be a writer and move on.

Well, in Hawaii, I got an email from one of the agencies I submitted my script to. They aren't interested. They read it and, well, that's that. They never told me why, just that they decided to pass on taking me on as a client. I took that really, really hard. One rejection to me meant that they would all reject me. And if I couldn't be a writer, who was I? What was I good at? Oh the mysteries of life.

Then today, I got a simple email back from a well-known producer who had read my script. She said:

I have read your script and enjoyed very much, however, it is not a project we are able to pursue at this time. We are currently looking for scripts that fit into a lower budget category and since it takes place in various beautiful European settings, it unfortunately takes it out of the running for us at this time. Like I said, I really enjoyed it and think you are a very good writer. I would be happy to read more of your work, if you think you have something that fits within our current parameters. Please do send more along.

Gah! You hear that? I am a good writer! That's all I needed to know to continue my hard work and my dreams. Will it be easy? No. But now that I have encouragement to keep going, that it's not all a lost cause, that I'm not like half the dreamers on American Idol, I WILL keep going! Plus, I just sent off another one of my scripts to her (an arguably better one) so who knows?

But that's not even the BIG excitement of the day. The "it could only happen to me" type of thing.

Today I was supposed to pay my tuition for school (yeah, it's a tad late since school is over in a few weeks). Anyway, I was going to put it all on my Mastercard but had to go to the Bank of Montreal on Burrard st (this is downtown Vancouver) to pay down my card a little bit.

As I entered the bank, I noticed I was walking behind this man who gave me the creeps, right off he bat. He had baggy, paint-splattered jeans, a black baseball cap, dark wrap around shades, long frazzled and dirty grey hair and beard.

And a big coat in which he kept his hands in both front pockets. It looked like he had something...pointy...in them.

So as we are walking to line up at the teller, I notice two security gaurds glance at him suspiciously. Already, I was suspicious.

We went through the maze of poles to the front of the line. I was right behind him. And suddenly I knew that he was here to rob the bank and I was going to be stuck in the middle of it.

Maybe I should leave, I thought. I was directly behind him, I could quickly run out. But I decided to stay. Because I had never been witness to a bank robbery before.

I thought maybe I was just paranoid too, but I knew. Enough that I opened my phone and began to text "I'm at the BMO on Burrard and I think it's going to get held up" to my bf. But before I could finish it, I was next in line. And the teller I was called to was directly beside the man.

As I walked up to my teller, I noticed the sketchy man passed his teller a slip of paper. I knew what was written on that paper. Give me all your money or I'll blow this place up or shoot you all or whatever.

So I nervously made conversation with my bank teller, while we both nervously kept glancing over at the other "transaction" that was taking place.

Now, we were talking for a long time and I was counting cash at some point, so I never saw the robber leave or get handed his demanded money.

But I did see the bank teller in tears, another teller phoning the police, the management show up and announce the bank was closing. And I managed to get out there just as the cops showed up and before it was all in lockdown. Hell, I couldn't stay for the show, I had an interview to go to!

My first bank robbery, Canadian style. No guns, no hostages, no "everybody get down on the ground!" Just a piece of paper calmly handed over while everyone else (except for me) remains oblivious.

So that was my day. And it's not even over yet :)

How to: get out of bed in the morning

Sure, it's easy when every morning you are faced with the above staring you in the face. Whilst in Maui, the Rockstar and I were waking up naturally, without an alarm, at about 730-8AM every day. There was something invigorating about hearing birdsong through the windows, the naturally bright light filling the room and the prospect of having my kona coffee and guava-strawberry slathered bagel outside on the sun-drenched balcony overlooking the ocean.

But now that I am back in the "real" world, I just can't get up! This is nothing new, I've always had a tendency to sleep in. But I'm tired of it, for lack of a better word.

Of course, if I had a job and were waking up to my alarm at 730 AM everyday, I wouldn't be sleeping in. But aside from rising (super) early on Saturdays and Sundays, my school is in the evening on weekdays. So there is no real need for me to get up at a certain time.

And yet there is! I have so much work to do, everyday is packed full (especially this week) of homework, projects, script stuff, etc that I really can't afford to sleep in.

But I do it anyway.

Why? Mainly because I'm tired....but why am I so tired? I get 8 hours of sleep....I'm tired even if I get ten hours of sleep. How come in Hawaii, I was up and at them and raring to go, regardless of how well I slept? Why did I have energy there and not here? It's only been a week, not even, since I got back!

One reason could be a day like today. It's dark, raining and miserable. This is Vancouver. It's often this way and I need to find out a way to get up and face the day, no matter how crappy it is. I mean, I am writing this right now, at noon, and all I can think about is how badly I want to go back to bed. WHY???????

So, I am totally open to suggestions here...how do you manage to get up out of bed and get started (especially you people who get up earlier than they should)? How can I look forward to my day? Remember, I don't have class till 630PM and while I do have to spend at least half of my day doing school stuff, there is another half in which I just sleep or sit around on my ass and look at that wretched Facebook and gossip sites.

I've read on Maddie's wonderful Vancouver blog that she gets herself up with promises of breakfast treats. I've been doing that too....Kona coffee, mango slices and waffles with guava jelly (not as good as my Hawaiin breakfasts but it'll do). But I want to be eating this at 9AM, not 11AM. I want to do things that will get me out of the house (and not cost money, since I have none). I even planned on this today, to walk to the gym, but I didn't because it was "raining" out and so I went back to sleep. I am officially my own worst enemy here, sabotaging any good intention that I have.

Is it laziness? Tiredness? Procrastination? How do I overcome this and where do I start?

Sunset Tiki Punch

So, my trip to Maui seems like a distant memory thanks to impending money troubles, intense school projects and my usual quarter-life crisis and self-introspection.

Thankfully, I've found a way to try and ease my troubles and bring some of those carefree balmy breezes back into my life. No, the solution is not at the bottom of a glass, but I guarantee you'll feel better by the time you get there.

Perfect for rewarding yourself for surviving monday, behold my Sunset Tiki Punch:

1 shot dark rum
1 shot Malibu Passionfruit rum
1/2 shot of grenadine syrup
1 1/2 cups of Guava juice
A splash of orange juice to top it off

Put igredients into a mixer with ice. Shake, pour into funky glass, add a pinapple triangle and an umbrella. Drink. Sigh.

Talk about a classy entrance...

I'm back! And so is my butt.

Maui was amazing and it feels like I've been gone forever...I'm having a hard time getting into the swing of things, including blogging. So until I feel armed and ready to enter the blogosphere, I'll leave you with a picture of my boogie boarding attempts and a link to HERE where you can look at some mouth-watering pictures of Maui on my travel blog (don't worry, it's pictures of food, no more near-nudity).

Musings of late February

The above photo was taken by my bf's roomate. I was modeling for him (he is a photographer and it was school project and I was a last resort - hence why I have no makeup on, am dressed like a fat bag lady and didn't have a hair brush with me) and he was taken photos from across the alleyway like a stalker. My bf had to go to the doctor (due to painful bursitis in his shoulders), so he came out onto his roof to say good-bye (yes, I was being photographed on the roof).

His roomate snapped the pic without our knowledge, so I think it's just a wonderful candid shot of a parting moment.

But what is most interesting is...THE WEATHER! Hello! It's February here in Vancouver, Canada, the supposed "coldest" month of the year and I'm wearing a thin shirt and skirt and he's just got a tee on. To be fair, a couple of weeks ago it did snow but lookee now...sunshine, birdsong and spring buds.



And sleeveless wine and cheese on my roof under a dying sun. Bliss!



Now, I am wondering how to blog about this next part without going on and on and on about it. As you are all probably well aware, I tend to write long posts. I don't know why this is, all I know is that summarizing is not my strong point (and in the projects I am currently working on, it has come to bite me in the ass).

But I digress and shall get straight to the point....without sounding like one of those ungrateful or full-of-themselves people. So I will start off with this qoute from Friends, because I think it applies here.

"My wallet is too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

Ahem.

I look in the mirror and I see someone who is funny looking. I have an odd-face. I have numerous body flaws (even despite my recent weight loss). But I have blonde hair and I guess my figure is OK and I know that other people tend to say I'm "hot." I am not going to argue because I will never think that, but I can see WHY they would say that. I would just never let myself think that about myself because it's conceited, etc. And if you know me, you KNOW how much confidence I lack.

Regardless, I get pinpointed as being "hot" and I have never noticed this so much as when I started going out with my boyfriend 8 months ago.

I never got it much in high school and if it was it was in my group of friends (who were all punks, bangers, skids, druggies, goths) and not the school in general. I never got it afterwards because I was too fat (for my frame and my looks...I was at 169lbs at my worst and, yeah, it had people going "Lusty would be the hottest chick if she wasn't so damn fat" - a real quote from a real "friend" of mine). And I never really got it in University...until after I was down to 128lbs. And even then, I never heard it.

But my love now never lets me forget it. His friends don't let me forget it. Everytime we go out someone makes a comment about my looks. The guys say it in a nice way, the girls say it bitingly. Regardless, I hear it a lot. Do I get hit on a lot? NO. Actually, I rarely do. But I hear it and it's OK but it gets kind of annoying after awhile.

OK, so NOW is when the "My wallet is too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!" quote comes in because I know you all are rolling your eyes and saying, gee what a terrible problem to have. People constantly complimenting you.

Let me just say, I appreciate it. It's a novelty to me. I like it when people try and be nice. It does help my self-esteem sometimes.

But there is a downside to this that has been PISSING ME OFF as of lately.

When people start to see you as the Rockstar's "hot girlfriend," you start to diminish as a person and start to become an object. Unless they actually know me well, most people will stereotype me as some hot blonde chick and assume I am:

A)Stupid
B)Useless
C)Worthless

Maybe it's blonde thing because dark-haired beauties don't tend to get this assumption as much (I don't know, Kiwi, what do you think?). Maybe I need to dye my hair and wear glasses. But that's not me.

So all the emo, art-fag chicks that hate on me, hate on me because they don't understand how a hot blonde chick who wears cute dresses to rock concerts can possibly be funny, witty, smart and thoughtful. They write me off as being a waste of space and pure eye candy.

This problem continues on into my school world.

Most of you don't know this, but I write screenplays. I've been doing it since I was 21, starting as a hobby and now going as a career. I had one script in 2002 that attracted the attention of a local producer. I had it optioned for 3K (money I never saw when she skipped town eventually) but she did help me develop it and the script was good enough to be chosen to be performed live at a cold reading series. The script also was a finalist in screenwriting contests.

Skip forward a few years, past my days in New Zealand, to University. I had another script and this one actually landed me an agent.

It is very hard to get an agent. You can't get one if you aren't a good writer.

Regardless, he wasn't a very good agent so I am not too sure what that says about my writing skills.

Anyhoo, he sorta promoted my script and then I ended up losing interest. One reason is because I went to LA on a pitch conference (where you pitch your script to Miramax, Paramount etc)and got into an exclusive party. Long story short, I realized Hollywood sucked ass and I didn't want any part of it. Another reason is because people at journalism school kept telling me how impractical screenwriting was and that I should be more realistic.

Of course, they never told me how impractical journalism itself it. So fuck them, I decided. I am going to do this...I have as much of a chance selling my scripts than you do for writing for a newspaper any place other than Fort McMurray (ie, Butt Fuck Nowhere). The fact that right now, 10 BIG producers and 4 BIG agents have my script for review gives me as much of a chance of making it as you sending your journalism resume to the Globe and Mail.

Anyhoo, I don't admit it often because I have not officially "made" it and I don't want people to just assume I'm kidding myself...but that's happening so far.

I'm going to film school*. It's not film school as in "let's play with cameras and pretend to be directors." No, it's a course that deals with learning to be a producer here in Canada...how to get funding from the government, distributors, broadcasters. How to budget and schedule your film using EP. How to be a production manager. How to enter film festivals. Where are the best tax credits. How much is insurance on my 2 mil film going to run me. What can I expect from post production (an aside, we went to a Technicolor lab today and I got to handle an undeveloped roll of Heath Ledger's last film Dr. Parnussus. I wasn't sure if the new footage, that was just dropped off at the lab, had Johnny Depp, Colin Farrel or Jude Law in it - his replacement actors - but I felt special).

Our program is very intense and has a lot of big people in it. One classmate produces the CBC show "The Guard." Another classmate is producing her first horror film with Kristin Kruek. One instructor is an actual Entertainment Lawyer who has worked on some big stuff. Another instructor has just produced Canada's first stop motion animation film. One instructor was the DOP on The Punisher sequel (and the new Captain Cook series on the History channel). One class project has us pitching our "shows" to a panel of judges that include the president of Lionsgate films. These are BIG people.

And they all look at me like I'm an idiot. Whenever I mention anything about writing, they just brush me off. Assume I can't do it. "Look at her, thinks she can write, what does she know?"

What do THEY know?

They completely judge me by my cover. The girls are the worst too, it seems like the guys are at least taken me remotely seriously. They at least take in what I have to say, nod a few times, perhaps. But the girls in my class don't even listen. They think I am full of bullshit. Many a time in group projects where something has involved writing or knowledge of scripts, they write me off. They don't give it to me, in fact they don't give any work to me. Look people, I have only a few strengths and many, many weaknesses (um, writing too long blog posts).

My strength is writing, I have come to believe this over the years - and fuck, even now I don't know if I can write shit at all - but it's the best I have to offer.

And no one will take me up on that offer.

Whaa, whaa, whaa, whinge, whinge, whinge. I must sound like a baby complaining about these things. But I would do anything to be taken more seriously and it seems until I actually make it, I'm going to have a long hard road ahead of me.

Some person commented on another blog and said, "There is nothing more important in this world than being a hot chick. You don't have to do shit."

I'm here to say that you couldn't be more wrong. Being hot may work in your favour as an actor (and even then, have you heard about Jessica Alba complaining about not getting Natalie Portman's parts? Yes, she is a horrible actress but...) or as a model or as a trophy wife, or a bartender, or perhaps at a company where the boss is a sleazeball. But other than that, you have to work just as hard.

And to be taken seriously for what I want to do, I think I have to work even harder.

Which is fine in the long run. Hard work builds character, it makes you refine what you want and it keeps your faith strong.

It will make the success that much sweeter when I finally am able to prove that I am capable and I can scream in their faces, "HA! I told you so!"

And then, maybe I'll stop complaining about my diamond shoes.

* - I should specify that I am not actually going to "film" school, it is a short, intensive university program that is geared towards people who are already IN the industry and want to transfer their skills to the producers range.

Women are bitches

The weekend before last was a disaster and I can't believe I waited this long to blog about it. But what can I say, I'm a busy woman.

Anyhoo, let's set up the scene, shall we?

My boyfriend has a very close knit group of guy friends that he has known since elementary school. These guys are close...very close...so it's a bit intimidating to try and win the approval of them. My last bf had no friends (in this country) and the friends he did have (his work colleagues) I was not allowed to mingle with.

My Rockstar wants me to mingle with his friends and make them my friends.

Well, we've been together nearly 8 months now and I know I have made a good impression on them. It helps that my bf has never, ever complained about me to them - even though all they do is complain about their gfs to him. Constantly.

And for the most part, I do like his friends. There is one of them I am not too sure about but to be fair, my bf isn't that close with him either - friend by history, if you know what I mean.

Anyhoo, the point is that all these guys have girlfriends and over the last 8 months I have tried to get to know them better...bonding and all that shit.

In November I orchestrated a girls trip to Whistler for the 5 of them plus my bf's lovely sister. It was a lot of fun and I mainly did it because I knew that the girls always complained when the guys had guys nights and trips so I thought it would be nice for them.

Then in December I had a girls clothing swap. Though most didnt show up, the idea was to bring all the makeup, jewlery, clothes, shoes that you didnt want and trade with the others for stuff you do want. It was a success, and the clothes we had left over we donated to charity. But I mainly did that because I wanted another "bonding" experience plus one girl, Mik (not her real name ;P), had complained before that she never has any nice clothes. I had a lot of nice clothes so I thought it would be a nice thing to do...anyway, she didn't show. Whatever.

Then in January I planned for another girl's night. I had about 10 girls coming over to mine before for drinks, then we would hit the bar. Mik decided to make reservations at this Irish bar that I wasn't too fond of but we all agreed, especially when we found out that we could get on the VIP list and not stand in line or pay cover. A bonus, because we all were broke.

So the night comes. My friend's Robyn and K came over. But the rest of the girls were MIA. Finally I heard from them...they were late and heading straight to the bar. There were only three of them too...Mik, the Swede and Red. I didn't question what happened to everyone else, so we decided to head over.

In the cab, on the way there, Mik calls me. She wants to go to this horrible bar around the corner instead. She says there will be more people there and it will be more fun...more guys and the like. It's also the same bar that she used to frequent when she was single and trolled for hockey players...from what she's said, she's hooked up with a lot of them...especially the married ones. Let's ignore the fact that she is almost engaged here, and that she's a judgemental holier-than-thou Christian who looks down on ME for getting drunk once in a while.

So, she wants to go to this bar for whatever reason and wants to pay the $12 cover. I tell her, on behalf of Robyn, K and another girl, E, that we are meeting at the original bar, that we can't afford to pay cover and why not stick to the original plan for now. She didn't sound too happy about that.

We get to the Irish bar and I can SEE she doesn't look too happy about it. I give her a hug anyway, but she barely smiles. She's wearing what can only be described as a long shirt - again, it's a bit ironic that she hates it when her bf/fiance goes out to clubs because she thinks HE is looking for girls. And when SHE goes out, she wears something like that.

Anyhoo, we go inside the bar and it's packed! It's hockey night and there is barely anywhere to sit but we manage to score a table and few chairs. If she was worried that it would be lame, with no one here, she was wrong.

She looks around. Whispers something to the Swede, grabs Red's arm and says, "We are just going to check our coats."

Half an hour later, Robyn, K, E and I have a feeling they aren't coming back. Then I get a text from her, "Decided to go to the Roxy, maybe see you later."

They didn't come back to say goodbye. They just left. They lied to us.

It's obvious now that when I planned this girls night, we had different ideas. She just wanted to go out with "her" friends (the other gfs). She didn't care about me. She suggested the damn bar and then changes her mind at the last minute for no reason.

I texted her back, sick of this crap and said "You didn't even come back to say bye? This was YOUR idea to come to this bar, I planned a girls night so that we could all hang out TOGETHER and instead you just ditch us?"


No response. Luckily the rest of us were still able to dance the night away and have fun but we were still angry as hell.

I started texting my bf and all he can say is that Mik is a bitch, the Swede is her personal cheerleader but that he was disappointed in Red. Red is not at all like those preppy bitches, she is more like me. He couldn't believe that she would go along with them. But she did.

Later on I found out that the only reason that Red did was because it was her bf that was picking the three of them up. And her bf knew about the situation ahead of time thanks to my bf filling him in on my texts.

So when he picks them up, he asks the girls..."So, why did you guys even agree to go? Do you even like Lusty?"

Red said, "I do!"

Mik said, "No. We don't get along."

WE DON'T GET ALONG????

This is news to me people. I have been nothing but nice to that girl. Buying her lame ass Facebook gifts when she feels sad. Planning a girls swap so that she would have something nice to wear. Creating these girls nights so she doesnt feel so lame when her bf/fiance goes out with his friends. Keeping her company when her bf and my bf are off doing their thing. Hell, when I got drunk in front of her back in November (see my "Sobriety" post) SHE was the reason I haven't gotten drunk since! I felt her judging me...HELL I was SOBER on Halloween because I was too afraid to get drunk lest she would look down on me again. I COULD HAVE BEEN WASTED!!!

So yeah. We don't get along. She doesn't like me DESPITE the fact that I have heard NOTHING BUT HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT HER and yet always still gave her the benefit of the doubt.

My boyfriend is really upset about this revelation. Her bf is his best friend, M. Every single one of M's friends hate Mik...with a passion. My bf is the ONLY friend of his who is actually really nice to her and who never says a bad thing about her, even when M is going off about her. The worst he has ever said is "Mik is being unreasonable" when, like, she broke into his msn account, found a picture of a chick that a guy friend was dating (he sent he pic to show M what she looked like) and then accused her bf of cheating. And when I say accused, I mean attacked.

So it's ironic that of all the girlfriends, I AM the only one she doesn't like. What's worse is that we can't figure out why she doesn't like me. It could be because I drink and she doesn't. It could be because I call myself a Christian and she doesn't think I should. It could be because she's jealous of me. It could be because I (according to my bf) have a dominant personality. It could be because everyone likes me...and no one likes her.

Which makes me think back to a few weeks ago....I went to bed early on a Saturday night. The guys were having a guy's night and I had to get up early for school. My phone was on silent so I didn't hear it ring at 330AM. The next day I saw I had a missed call from a long distance number.

I googled the number and traced it to Mik's parents house on Vancouver Island. I knew she was on the island because that's the only reason her bf was able to attend guy's night.

Why would she, someone who I am not close with and who doesn't like me, call me from her parent's house at 330 AM on Sunday morning?

Turns out she was harassing her bf all night and checking up on him. He finally told her to stop calling him, turned off his phone. She I guess assumed that I would be with my bf and he would be with hers so she called me to check up on her bf/fiance and find out what he was up to.

This is just something my bf and I have deduced but holy crap. What a psycho. I could go on and on too about this girl. I'm just amazed that someone like THAT would have such a problem with lil ol' me.

I guess I should mention that she did send me an apology over Facebook...which seemed so insincere..."I hope you can forgive me and we can move on." You know, I would have but now that I know she doesn't like me....tough cookies. It means nothing to me.

Red apologized too and I ended up speaking to her face to face on Friday night. She felt really bad and it turns out she doesn't even like the other girls all that much since she feels she cant be herself around them and that she wants to get to know me better since we are more alike. I knew she was sincere and we have plans for a girls night, just us two, next weekend.

So that is that. Girls are bitches. I know that you are always going to have people that don't like you in your life, no matter what you do, it just pisses me off that I often go out of my way to get to know people and make them feel good and in the end they just hate me anyway. I don't know why I have always been a target for bitchy girls, I get it every day...and it seems to get worse as I get older, I have no clue why.

In other news, things have been running smoothly. School is hardcore intense but I still love it. I've been up to some top secret stuff that could change my life forever but until it happens, I am not going to mention it on this blog....I don't think any of you would take me seriously.

Dad has agreed that we need to sell the apartment and we will start doing that in May/June.

My wonderful bf spent three hours trying to fix my toilet and in the end, succeeded (with the help of a neighbour). Even though my bf is so not a manly man, it was really honorable that he was determined to fix things and watching him with his tool kit was definitely a turn-on :P



I just found rasberry-filled Tim Tams and Worcester-flavoured Walker's chips at a gourmet cancy store.

Lost has been blowing my mind. I can't believe how good it is again.

I just got a Brazilian wax today, my first professional one (yes I have done it myself). It was comparable to going spread eagle to the gynocologist, but instead of a spatula they pour hot wax in your hoo-haa and ass-haa and then rip it off. I was kinda embarassed at first, it's really such an odd experience, but the pain was temporary and by the time I left the salon it was just a memory. I'm super happy with the results and can't wait to wear my Brazilian cut bikini to....


...HAWAII NEXT WEEK!

Yup, next tuesday the man and I are flying to Maui and spending a week with his parents. They are paying for everything and I can't wait. It doesn't even seem real and it's been SO long since I've been to the islands. Arrrrrg, we both need this vacation like you wouldn't believe!